I miss :
The wanted... They were so whacky and full of f it rly jst reminds me tt life doesnt need to be THAT serious.. Im young and shld be allowed to do whatever stuff i want no matter how dumb.. And tt i rly dont need to give a shit abt what judgement may me passed agnst me. In fact the more the btr, cos tt means im rly living life exactly how i want, however agnst the norm it is! ^^ i used to go out w a guy like tt who rly helped me to loosen up alot. I always believed tt in every rship you have w ppl, youd always take sth frm them. Frm him, its tt tt. I rmb being so open in tt, i was a lot more open and confident and like..id chat up w random aunties and uncles and try to make them smile and feel tt lil bit less sian abt life. (lesson 2 was tt when im w others, i shld keep my phone away ahha! Ok bt tt has no relevance) i wish i exuded tt openness and heck care, carefreeness !

I miss sissy too whos at camp.. I miss some man at msia..i dont even knw why i do, but he called and yeah...AT LEAST HE BOTHERED T CALL hha plus pt..yeah wtv. Anw tt guy at msia is my dad, jst t clarify lol. And i miss..an..old friend. I dno if she still comes here..but um on e assumption tt she doesnt, tks for the msges.. And not scolding me.. I was completely taken aback by her sms, yet v happy of cos. A lot of memories flooded aft e msg. And .i thought abt wht cld have been of us now.. Yeah..haha i know its only a thought bcos of me but .it pained my heart tt its nt a reality and jst sth i had t fantasise(correct usage of word not ah? Hahah) but, i rly dont wna just think abt "what cld have beens" anymore... I still wna accompany you down the aisle and hold your dress..and even if we dont reach tt closeness anymore.. I wna be at least present in the impt phases in your life. I see my mum and her estranged rships w her girlfs and it rly sucks!!:/ yea haha verbal vomit.. but my consolation is tt at least im noting these thoughts down tt prob wont surface for the next few mths min.. And writing in a diary takes hrs so..nah. Haha ok gdngt tivz. Gna wake up early and do solid studying before church!:)

LIKE A BOSS HAHA

Officious is the new word learnt today. (Y) i like it. Ytd was an awesomeday of studying but tdy.. Bad... Plus my head feels rly groggy :/ its only 1030 but i am Good Game alr..... Yea so ill jst go and slp. Haha. I rly dont push myself much huh :/ still cant decide what t wear tmr for church anni celebration!! Sucks cos i mgt end up jst throwing some rubbish on.. Aka wasting a good event for an excuse for me t dress up heh. Anw. Jan told me a while back abt this phrase..like those "in phrases".. And I RLY LIKED IT HAHAHA. The phrase is

LIKE A BOSS.

Tts rgt!!! ;)

Haha I RLY FEEL SO ENERGETIC NW. ok nt as excited as i sound, but i feel awake enough....to studyyyyyy somemoreeee! Gimme gimme gimme more gimme more. But its 00:50 so i shld slp ASAP so tt i can wake up early tmr t cont. FOR THE FIRST TIME, i slp at 1, woke up at 830 went t nus t study w shark and joey. Omg. Nvr once , up till 1130, have i felt e slightest bit of tiredness. I am in extreme awe because ive nvr felt like this before!! :) i mean, im short by one chpt for my progress..but im more happy tt i was so awake for e whole day :)

Tmr is a new day. Must chiong harder and earlier!!! :)

Yay to royal wedding. And neighbour yuyu for educating me abt politics kinda. Okiex tts abt it. Gdngt teetee :)

*ps cj you got it wrong!! Tty on whatsapp laaaa srysry

OH AND REDEMPTION IS PLAYING ON MY IPHONE NW heheheh. Things r just taken to a new level when you hear bands you like sing live rgt? I rlyyyy regret not finding out more abt switchfoots concert in 07. Tt was when i was rly super into switchfoot... AND RUNNING. Yesssss. Running screwed up my life in mre ways than the obvious one haha. Blinded me by passion :)

Im running out of patience, tired of imitations.. Im looking for someone to replace your heart.
Everyone i talk to is just another not you
Makes me want to ???

-i dno whats wrong w me............ Ha haaaa maybe im looking too hard for something to sweep me off my feet to a white dashing horse. And i will ride off into the sunset and leave all e rubbish behind .

Watched Mulan today w leonglings' ahma. And dad. Omg it was soooo nice.....& sad :( in e cartoon, the girl and guy end up tgt. But in this reel life show, the guy was married off to another tribe princess so tt peace cld be restored. :( its sacrifice..

I ve a paper tmr which ive barely read on. But. Im tired. Ha. Gd night world. Feel like .....calling this certain someone nw but it doesnt mean anyth at all but im so id give e wrong idea so ....itll be like that. Hawhaw sianzx tiredddd

HERE JST TO SAY TT... I BATHED THREE TIMES TDY... HAHAHHAH..

AND TT OMG TTLY NOT USED TO THE SIM CANTEEN SMELL I HATE THE SMELL!!!! :((( AND IT STUCK W ME THRU E PAPER... AND NOW.... ZZZZ

WHAT ELSE , HMMM HAHA I DNO... JUST TT, IM QTE DISAPPOINTED... YOU DONT SEEM TO BE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY AND IVE BEEN CONSIDERING SINCE QTE A FEW INCIDENTS BACK WHETHER TO GO DOWN.. I DONT WNA TRAVEL ALL E WAY DOWN FOR A MEDIOCRE SHOW I WANT TO SEE COMMITMENT AND PERFORMANCE AND ACHIEVEMENT HAIIII I DNOOO

HVNT BEEN T GRANNYS FOR TWO WEEKS HURHUR

STUDIED AT NUS TDY MY TWO EXPS STUDYING THR HAS BEEN GOOD AWESOME IN FACT IF COMPARED TO SIM LOL SIM PPL ARENT AS FRIENDLU / POLITE. K CYALL HOMIES

HAHA 913 rocks...

OH AND I MET A FELOOW TW FAN TDY :DDDD omgg!!!!!! :)))))) i rly wanted to give her a hug and have dinner w her and talk abt tw all the way!!!

You rly are oblivious arent you.. You dont get it huh, srsly? What youre asking of me is like asking me to help you find love when what i yearn for , is your affection.. Cant you see it? Is it not obvious enough? Its bad enough tt youre doing this in front of my sorry eyes, and it takes so much of me to just..ignore it and accept it.. Thats what love is rgt, choosing the best for the person to be happy.. It pains my heart each time to see you and i cant take it anymore. I try to push my emotions away and pretend like it doesnt bother me but damn you, it hurts :/ so, that im not responding, pls take the hint tt i dont want t have anyth to do w tht aspect of you. Pls dont tarnish the beautiful memories i had with you. I may be the one in oblivion this way, but i rather be in this state than hurt frm knowing whats really gng on....

Youve no idea how much i desire your love and affection.. Your time and attention.. I miss you so much tngt :( sigh
But youll nvr know it because .just bcos, you are too caught up w your stupid new life and dont bother looking at those who rly care and love you. Even if you come back to me, i admit id be v hostile.. But if you know me as you shld, im jst putting on a front first to ensure tt you are sincere. Do you know tt abt me? :( do you even know tt every tngt i think abt you and what we all cld have been..i dream, ifantasise, i compare..its wrong i know. But i cant help it. Its what helps me slp

"pls dont tell me im dreaming, if i actly am. Because then i wont ever wna wake up"

Ohyea had lunch w a bunch of ppl and kenneth and dawn started talking abt heaven etc. Sth like "if theres no tauhuay in heaven i mgt reconsider gng heaven.." JOKING OF COS HAHA IVE SCOLDED THEM ABT IT ALR :p abraham responded "dont worry , in heaven , thr wont be any negative emotions". And it made my mind think at overdrive ha ha. Im trying t detach myself frm e issue yet trying t note down wht i actly thot.. Hmm, Sth like, the concept of being "happy forever" came to mind.. But "we cannot bring e concept of earth to heaven bcos both r v different".. The concept of ,being alive forever..the idea of, its frigging forever ,what am i ever gna do forever? And so , now whatever im doing amts to nth.....? :/ @;&;!&:&: ok Stop. This is getting too much haha. Anw over lunch, i cldnt control my thoughts cos it was too fast for me to realise and when i got out of that 'trance', my heart was beating v quickly, breathing v haste and i qn-ed my current state of being. I rly wanted to share my fears , jst so tt i can be assured tt i wasnt suffering frm such things alone but everyone was chatting abt stuff so happily.. So i slapped my face a few times to get myself out of tt state. It was rlyyyy scary x(

i hate being so scared of eternity. And up till my 20+yrs of life, i only know of ONE BLOGGER (i didnt even know her name haha was blog hopping) and one friend whom have shared such fears w the same description. No words can describe e comfort i felt in my heart when i read/listened to my fears frm another's blog/mouth. Haha :/ i think i sound so weird..but ill take comfort in tt, at least two ppl in e world will know what im talking abt lolll.

First paper tmr..

Omg. Head feels so heavy and droopy and dense ....... Feels so clouded :/ even my vision is clouded... Sighh been feeling so since i woke up frm my nap ( aft white chicks!!) . How how how t study zz and i feel like i need a bathe nw lol. Been bathing so often. And staying home a lot lately. Zzz. Lacks social interaction maybe..

And so she stuffs herself w , unworthy food. Like maggi mee cos she doesnt know how to cook. THAT NOOB. At least there are mushrooms in it to make the dish all the MOREEE WONDERFULLER. ( i keep thinking abt the pot of unfinished mushrooms at yeos hse e last time haha. Yes it was since jos bday but.. ohmymama. Mushrooms!!)

OHMYSON!!!!!!! 4-0!!!! LVP IS ON A FRIGGING ROLL!!!!!! :)))))))

Just came back frm my first midngt movie! And possibly second (or third) nc16 movie hahahh. One day i need to give a good proper review on this movie . To someone tt will truly be interested to discuss it or even jst here. Lolz........ ://// x( ughhh. Hah. What a crazy show !!! But to anyone tts reading this and decide to watch sanctum, plzzz dont get ur hopes high! Every movie exp is different cos of the circumstances one is in before watching e show, where u sit, etc etc.

Anw sunny n samson came tdy for youthp :) was rly encouraged. Rly hope they were ok w e company and all . Rly dno how to handle it cos it has been so long since friends agreed t come church ! Rly enjoyed their company.. I rmb jenny commenting once tt these bunch of ppl are ppl tt i rly enjoy hanging out w.she said she realised tt everytime aft i come home frm an outing w them, im v happy and all :) which made me realise how impt these punks in my life! :) thanks
God for them.

Will study hard tmr... Ha ha... And give God a good celebration on sun :) till now... Sanctum, pls make some sense of yourself..

Arhhhh :( :/ !!!! Mixed upside down. Ha haaaaa :| i wonder whether sth like tt will ever happen. Will happily ever after rly be a reality for any? Is it jst the twists of e show or is this how i rly feel . Haha :/ (actly i do hv a friend of similar character..) BUT. thing is, ahhhhh. Im addicted haha. Atleast i cld stop myself. Darn. Super lil done tdy . . .

Whats your passion?

Kinda sucks that im suffering through this alone... Its actly rly tiring leh :/ i slept in when i was supposed to do sm strengthenings this morning.. Im gng to nus nw to study w some friends. (ive no sim cmates to complain abt studying with. I dont even know if im on track or anything) and i need to get a lot done cos i got distracted ytd and my eork load is piled up for tdy haha. And i hv to go to some gross track stadium ltr for trng in e evening alone. Which sucks cos i prob am gna be e only girl frm w team .:. No one to talk to & im gna run alone=suffer alone ... Sianzxzxzxz. Rly hope tt my trng (actly ive cut down frm 3/wk alr haha) is rly worth it and is contributing to my progress :/ :( i rly feel alone in this pursuit. And when i say alone, i rly mean..as lone as a loner. :( sian!

Haha the radio is talking abt lvp and arsenals game over the weekend i think. And seeing how arsenal threw away 2 pts, JUST LIKE TT, hmmm ok i dont feel so sian anymore.... >.< haha

I hope a tub of ice cream OR YOGHURT ( >.< !!!!) will magically appear in my freezer ^^ haagen daaz wld be THE BOMB LA SRSLYYZXZXZZZZ hahahahh

"i wish i am his happiest hello and hardest goodbye"
What a painfully nice quote-y ! The picture was v nice too :) but its either mw being a realist..or that statement is too self-centred.. Because boys will nvr settle for only one person/thing to give him great satisfaction ,not in e sexual way but in e pure sense..then agn haha it actly works for both la :x

Wanted to ask how it cld be told tt muslim guy suddenly "realised" he actly isnt muslim. I hesitated cos qns are a reflection of one's thoughts and i did not want to show myself off like that. I am not rdy t tackle confrontation.

Whenever i watch ,or witness, certain stuff, a lot of ideas and visuals start flooding my mind. And it makes me wonder whether it is normal to daydream abt such grand stuff. I dont know whether it is, as sissy said, me being a dreamer and idealist or whether it is jst me being human and hoping for something grander to be seen by others to prove the potential of the human spirit and creativity... Because , if its the former, i shld do sth abt these thoughts rgt. What use is gold if man dont spend it? What use is a pot if someone doesnt use it to cook incredible dishes? What use are crutches if it is given to someone completely able .

IM UP FOR CHURCH (Y)

"do you know something?
Do you know that I love her? I love her because it has been so long . Will you tell her that for me?"

Ive come to a point in time where ive seen guy friends dressed up but not so many times till it has no effect on me. Its rly nice bcos it makes me feel so proud of them tt theyve grown up. Its such a sad thought huh. Singaporeans are rly ___. :/ i have this impression tt guys of the past are much more worthy and respectable. They could be jerks but they were gentlemanly. I guess nowadays, boys are mistaking gentlemanliness as being flirtatious. Both personalities require a boy being nice to a girl. But e manner and intention and effect is so different. Why cant singaporean boys have good manners and treat girls with respect and be genuinely nice to us haha. Then agn, maybe we girls arent worth it

Tdy was nice. I really love seeing ppl being so passionate abt what they do. And when he spoke , it was so sincere and filled w passion i actly felt it for tt moment. Whats my passion?

(ps sry if my eng has been horrid these few posts haha. Been posting jst before i slp so nt functioning fully well. N my eng is bad t begin w :( )

Nvr studied for the past three days........ Zzzz. But tdys race was . Whoa. Awesome leh. I dont even know benjamin but my respect for him is so immense and the pride i felt for him when he crossed e line! Actly no matter what position those two boys got on my side , both ran an insanely good race.. Their guts , their courage.. Whoa sheer human spirit at its raw form . I shall jst stop here cos no words can justify e beauty and strength displayed out there (Y)

Im a heck of an unmotivated, driven by emotions girl . Must stop it!!!

Killer day became awkward :/ why do i attract weird ppl lol

Studied w queen tdy! Whoa felt so pressurised hahah

"Eh i'm sorry.. I believe you shouldn't let anyone restrict e things you wanna do.. Like if you wanna smoke just smoke. So wadever your next step is just be selfish n think for yourself for one moment?"
-kw. ONLY w kw la actly hahah. His sister is sooo different frpm him, which is good btw. And we recalled e last time we met which was 2 years ago at macau :o how kewl!? Which links t my next topic : nepal!! Cant wait!!

Having mtg tmr.. Hope it will be less cold.. And less awkward i guess. I wanted t make friends w this girl but i was too cold t move next t her last wk lol tmr im gna wear a thick jacket.

I slept for 11 hrs..... Then aft being awake for 5hrs, i took another 2hr nap till now :/ zzzz why am i so lazy or tired!!! :( i kept waking up in the middle of my nap (i was studying haha) but i jst didnt have enough energy t get me out of bed and went back t slp :(((

3 thigns :

1) when boys have their boys talk, girls shld NVR ever have to hear it. hahha. a bunch of them were talking before - and i was the only girl ard. so anyway corn was gna put braces on and random was talking to him abt it

random: so you have a girlfriend?
corn: yes
r: then too bad alr lah, cannot kiss for one week
c: yea lor... no ,wait. actually can kiss lah but no tongue

ok thanks haha

2) I'M WATCHING BEAUTY AND THE BEAST NAOOOO :)))))

3) went for huahua's commissioning parade thing ytd and omg it's so coooool!! >.< i was raving on abt it to jan from the moment i came back till 1+am. hahahahha. ryan must be an officer so i can go for that agn next time!! ^^v

I think i see e meaning of :if theres nth you are willing to die for, life is not worth living

Watching passion of christ agn for the second time, it brought back two intellectual points
1 i was reminded of this movie was one of the "stuff" tt helped me in my most passionate year of rship w God
2 i am starting t see more of the jews pov and reason tt they condemn christ. (but of course i dont agree w the methods they used to 'chastise' jesus la. DUH haha

I blew my top at mummy and daddy tdy thru sms :/ Its e defensive mechanism coming t play agn.. Sigh. It hurt t hear tt tears were shed la and i cldnt take it :(
-do such extreme actions have t be taken before you will tell me how much you love me?

I was lying on bed wide awake last night (at 1am.... way past my bed time!!). And tbh, i did wonder whether any spirits enter my body or anything cos i went to shao mu with my grandma and it was super damn hot and i was perspiring like nobody's bizes...and she asked me to 'baibai' to my granddad's grandfather and i rly didnt know how to reject her so i did it. BUT ANW, while lying on my bed, this came to mind:

Would I rather live a life struggling to achieve, or live a life with nothing to look forward to?

and it baffled me. i have no answer to that...there are just too many pros and cons to consider. after a while i moved to the empty bed and fell asleep.

this is a piece of info abt me: i hate quarrels
reality (of the past at least): i 'argued'/disagreed with many people which have led to many having the perception that i'm a fiesty irritating gng agnst everything scary girl.
but truth be told: i hate quarrels. i think it was jst a defensive mechanism of mine lest i get bullied.

ok i'm not making any cents i think. haha. omg i miss eutube :( ok. I AM GNG THERE NOW COS I NEED TO TELL YELENA I'M NOT GNA VISIT THEM FOR A WHILE!! HAHA