i've been thinking about it.. yeah ,i'm not worthy to be called one.

i'm not worth it.

how should i redeem myself

and to be honest, when i think abt other fellow runners and know of their stories-of disappearing/fading away from the competition scene, for whatever reasons, my heart aches.

.
j2farewellassembly was i cant rmb. i just rmb the crazy girls i hang out with PRANCING on poor griffles upon laying their hands on him.HAHAHAHA. poor j1 boy. he sounded so traumatised. it was *#(@)#*(@ hilarious i was laughing my guts out i couldn't summon enough energy to join in the terrorising. ahahhaha (they were) like a bunch of out of control children all hell break loose whn they lay eyes on their next target at a carnival.

but the song we sang, our batch song thing, it brought back hell lot of memories man...from j1.mostly before i transferred class. i was in a dominated rg/ri environmentbut they were still good times...they were part of the nice harmless pple in their secschs. and during orientation, audrey and thaddeus were always 10 feet away so it was easy to disturb them..

I MET A SUPER CUTE BOY TODAY after sv j2farewell.(wow, been a long time since i went to westmall) he's -(shows four fingers ), mummy says 'shou liang ke qi lai', (down to two fingers)- two years old! he even has a yandao pose. he has nice eyes. gna be a handsome boy. but most imptly, he stays opp church.... ;) see, theres worth in persisting on churchgoing.

(hahahah jkjk. srysrysry)

anw that song was 'meant to be' by liberty x.

s said i sound mean in my replies to the person on the tagboard. so. sry , got no space to put emotions...

i spent the whole night looking for something in my room. i was so frantic i was on the verge of tears. i cursed -, cursed myself for being so damn stupid..... whoa my whole world went upside down. i retorted against my mum when she came into my room and didnt bother to apologise. i didnt even turn to look at her while she was talking to me.

i lost the prize i got for winning that only one competition. ha....

oh well.i found it. and i'm so relieved. but the lostness of it was so overwhelming that the relieved ness was kinda negligible....

and ,well, while recovering frm that, i talked to some friend who sounded so pissed off at me. and YOU. YOU again....you did it again.argh...

does anyone of you get affected when someone shoots you a pissed off look?

:(

i sound so emo, bitchy...wtv. basically a typical post i frowned upon...(past tense cos it was only last time i went ard kpo ing abt other pples lives so i can laugh at them)..but .... sigh, maybe i know how those girls felt then... conclusion : receiving such treatment and feeling like this every other day sucks!... unless of course youre dramatising your life. if you are, back to what i've felt towards yall, losertwkdkfl! haha kidding :)

i feel better now. because i just got an update on deb's united states life. and it sounds extremely exciting.i feel so happy FOR YOU! DEBBIE LAMMMMMMMMMMM. i was thinking abt you this afternoon anw =p i sound so les but whatever. I MISS YOU DEBBIE. ARE YOU HERE? DO YOU HEAR ME? the one who condemned me to hell =x hahahahahah jkjkjkjk..... omg i'm kidding ah. hahahah.
..
maybe all this shit i'm receiving now is self inflicted........
that's why i feel that my future husband must be more authoritative than me. HA.

i've not heard this in a long while : long run. long run long run long run... no not long run cost curve or whatever the word is. but just the blatant words : long run.

i was having dinner this evening at a pizza place that had fantastic chicken wings. anyway, an old song suddenly came to mind. but the only line and tune to the song that came was

cos you and i were meant to be.

i have no heck of an idea what the before and after might sound like. but thanks to technology, i went to yahoo.com it . and found a gazillion and one different song lyrics with that one phrase
'cos you and i were meant to be'.

i went through seas and mountains, pressing a gazillion websites then selectively cancelling windows when i didnt think the rest of the song lyrics fit... and finally came down to this one song with these specific lyrics that seem actly rather lame...maybe that's how falling in love is like=/ BUT ANYWAY,

i dno if this is actly the song that i sang in my head. and i so badly want to hunt down this song that suddenly pop into my head while i was having my chicken wings.... (almost as bad as i wanna know who that stupid anonymous caller was . if youre here, quick tell me who you are!but i've done my fair share of hunting and i dont really care so this aint on top of my list now... )THIS SONG IS ON TOP OF MY LIST.

the problem now is that ,i have this set of lyrics which i think is the song that i'm searching for. but i've internet-alised high and low and dry for it to no avail. then i rmb technology and invention of blogs. so i'm gna post the lyrics here and if any of you ever have this song, please send it to me!!!!!!! thanks .give you one smiley in advance -> :)

At 2am
I'm driving home from being with you
Playing back our favourite song
Turn it up
Wonder if you're listening too

Know it's late but I gotta call
Cos I know You'll be there
Whenever I'm hurting
Whenever I fall

And the love that we share
Did it happen by chance
Or was there something more?

Cos you and I were meant to be
It maybe was our destiny
Staying together
Is a certainty
Like the sun and the rain
Like the night and the day
We were meant to be

2am and I'm still thinking of you
I can't get you off my mind
When you call to say you're missing me too
Wish that you were here tonight
Do you know I'll be there
Whenever you're hurting
Whenever you fall
And the love that we share
Did it happen by chance
Or was there something more?
Cos you and I were meant to be
It maybe was our destiny Staying together Is a certainty Like the sun and the rain Like the night and the day We were meant to be I remember When I first laid eyes on you I knew you were the one for me I knew you were the one I don't know how to explain it But it's plain to see That you and I were meant to be It maybe was our destiny Staying together Is a certainty Like the sun and the rain Like the night and the day You and I were meant to be It maybe was our destiny Staying together Is a certainty Like the sun and the rain Like the night and the day You and I were meant to be It maybe was our destiny Staying together Is a certainty Like the sun and the rain Like the night and the day We were meant to be

thanks!
when m and r talk abt r-ing.... suddenly this one last mth to a levels doesnt seem so crucial =/ after all i am a girl and i dont intend to go uni next yr ..... arafjakldfjaksdfj. stop it.

on a side note,
happy birthday beverly ,maverick ,cedric! :) bev said we can earn a lot of money if we sell the photo we took just now cos the latter-est guy is in there. hahahah that was funny.

OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA. that's on the person who saw janell running across the road the other day. haha!

human says:
a kid who can drive
human says:
sigh
human says:
i bet the cops are gonna pull him over someday
human says:
and when he shows them his driving licence their going to arrest him
human says:
for having a fake id

is this for real?.....

that is some 'frozen sea' thing

... But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificeda lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility toensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see whenthey were young, it is our responsibility to ensure that theyexperience all those ...

i found this story rather interesting:

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him.He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:'Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You havetold me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how.It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive.'As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.'Have you ever told a lie?' He asked?The man answered - 'yes, Lord.''Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?'The man answered - ' yes. Lord.' And the man sobbed more and more.'Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?' Jesus asked?And the man answered - 'yes, Lord.''Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain? 'The man, crying now, answered - 'yes, Lord.'As Jesus asked many more times, 'Have you ever'? The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer - 'yes, Lord.'Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close,
So close...
And still so far

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsuvCZvE3pE&feature=related ( argh. lost that cd)

"(while running today, i was ) thinking how like i wont be running competitively anymore and that's abt the fastest i can get for the rest of my life ...."

shit. the feeling sucked bad. i had to relive some crosscountry joy so i talked to a random runner. (but also cos i would make him not continue accelerating... ha. potential man.only sec one.) he's very fast for a high jumper... unless ive slowed down till as fast as a fat blob.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2alGJHvsJ8

i think their voices are good!
thanks weijie :D

*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
i subscribe to the girls channel already
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
damn she has alot of suscribeers >;(
yelena ): says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
wad
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
:(
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
then she keep singing with guys
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
tsk
yelena ): says:
AHHAHASHAHAHAH
*ҺoדςαUсε™ [LOLLIPOP'ED] says:
why ar eu so amused?

that's weijie. AHHAHA. hes such a .... =.= ...i have liability to put this up without yr permission cos i'm gna be as old lao ah pek as you tmr

at least this one aint as bad as those (in jan's words) twit and 'Victory sign' and big eyes and small mouth like that -> O.O and all. actly i think she kinda is. even so, doesn't matter. he likes such girls.

EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! >.<

jerk. i hate that school so stop checking out their -!

for what it's really worth...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsnK_4IWBWc&feature=related

on a side note, in lieu of all the weird phrases i use with a lack of second thought on it;s appropriateness - i got 29/50 for gp essay....!! i'm happy i went times 5. okay. time, you can stop now ha ha

noooo the last days of my youth is here.
i might go back on my 'when i'm 18 no more childishness'

gragra sent me emails to commemorate it.

and i'm feeling rather accomplished.

i watched mamamia which was in arvind's terms damn fairyyyyy :)
i went window shopping . a lot = my legs ached more than when i went to walk w santa claus
i walked the bridge i've been looking at since march or so
i went to kentridge
i sent the most smses in two days than i think i've sent in the last week
i've read one book. in the midst of another, WHICH JANELL I DIDNT WANT TO BUT IT WAS JUST LYING THERE AND I WAS ALONE, borrowed another.
i studied TODAY :D i went back to sch tdy.but i realised i wasn't the only one...
i finally went into harvard library. whoa, seriously man, the ri library is super nice. if i were a boy i'd go thr frm now on to study. it's so homely and beautiful and lovely and all things fairytaley. so much for getting stuck in the rain with libraryauntie and getting invited 'anytime! you all are always welcomed :)' ...zz oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
am gng running this sunday.
am gng back to sch tmr!! argh.
am gng to labrador park with sundaysch.

it is true, they say that these internet stuff are a convenient place to load off memory for easy ref in future. i rmb why i started this rawk thing. cos when i wrote down stuff last time, i could take up to 2hrs plus.

ive sth to share... okay i just will. since i rmb daily visitors. when i was in sec2, i met a friend i've not seen for abt 2-3yrs. thn (apparently he liked me last time) when he got off the bus, he accidentally left his wallet behind. (my friends say he purposely did so though which seems more like it) so we had to meet up to pass it back. but that was it, he wanted lunch and all but i just went off with my friends. hahahaha i think it was really horrid of me but i didnt care. i didnt know what he saw in me. most of you must have seen my ezlink...hahaha.and apparently a lot of girls think hes v goodlooking.which i didnt think so AT ALL. hahaha. we stopped talking aft he got a girlfriend and all. k that's it. just an anecdote to make yall laugh. or maybe not. but it's a funny memory of mine. and i suddenly thought of him. i dno whr the heck he is now..left sch in sec2 and all. aiyoh. therefore, dont mess with the school system if not your long lost friends will not be able to contact you again. ha

OHMYGOODNESS K I KNOW. i think i can account for guys with long nice fingers. it's either gta do with psp or computer games or anything with fingers. gosh, the man at the mrt...his fingers sure move fast.

i sent an sms to the j1 crossers to ask them out. it's really so funny to see their responses
ruiyong was the one that offered to go out first
danielle said ,' i'll be there'
raina said ,' sorry we've ____'
susu said ,' thanks, let me check whether we've ___ then i'll get back to you'
samuel ' ah! ! ! got ___! maybe we go after? ! ' (i just rmb it was v exclaimed and excitedsounding)

i want to say sth nice about janell. but i can't think of anything. she s not showing any emotion now, because she agrees and has nth against that. HA. chris say sth. janell is the only person who while speaking v seriously etc can expect a damn kiampa reply. but guess what i'm funny so she laughs. when she looks at me with those -_- faces, i know it's all a facade. she appreciate my jokes and think i'm bloody funny. whats wrong with laughing at siblings' jokes? especially if shes funny

HAHAHA. sigh, in such circumstances i still can't help laughing. amanda is the best. oi. before you go harvard come find me first okay. i

wills top. i gta meet audrey and alvin at harbourfront at 6pm. and i'm still unchanged.

one of my primary school class photo

so fat. wahhh nvr run for 3 weeks become fat like marshmellow.

BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
so wat book did ya read
yelena says:
poisonstudy
yelena says:
fantasy
yelena says:
i actly enjoy it
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
so im guessin tat - is frm poison study?
yelena says:
you shld have taken lit
yelena says:
shes the protagonist
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
hahaha wah sia la
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
big word protagonist all
yelena says:
aiyah
yelena says:
gotta match up to your intelligence
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
hahah why thank u for recognising this genius' talents
yelena says:
it's too big to go unnoticed
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
tats true
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
sometimes i jus feel tat i cant hold in my intelligence
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
so for the sake of evryone
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
i try my best to control it
BaLa is thinkin of...... says:
gets rather hard at times

hahahah.

bala. i gna talk gd abt you sia. uh....... actly i think abt you and i think abt your 'eh mate. dont miss me too much ah. next time you see me (after cts) i'm gna be out of the bottom4league alr.' #@()#@ unmaintainable. selittttttttttttttttttttt. okay nth else to say alr. west side sign. hahaa

for the first time in the longest time, i kept tossing and turning in bed. i couldn't slp. i knew i needed to but i didnt want to (but i did). and for the same reason i'm up tonight.

i talked to nat today. (it's a good time. i had some meaningful , deep, proper , non-nonsensical conversations which satisfy my whatever. and i caught up with many old friends today being online. i'm grateful people still acknowledge my presence. )

i like yelena's spirit. i really like how she can detach her emotions and physical pain away from whatever situation she is in.

for these. whatever i'm feeling now-i'm not gna bother myself abt them. i'm gna get over this phase and i'm gna move off. i'm not gna try ,give possible prospects a chance anymore. forget it.not gna take mychances anymore

i knew that when i gave up trying, it will not only be for this one exceptional case. it will cause a domino effect. cos i look at another person and i see myself going towards the door of the same road as before.

i'm still waiting for a email replies from bus boy and from llam.

in no way related to them but .yeah how i met them 2 is very cool (&maybe freaky) so i wanna make friends with them.