Agonizing over ending things with whatstheirname… before they’ve even started.
Classic move. You know you’re about to go on an emotional roller coaster ride with this person, and you know what? Roller coasters are scary. So you’re obviously going to try and come up with a million reasons why it’s not going to work out between the two of you… and fail.
it is heck scary but hes worth it ..

(http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/18-reasons-being-in-a-relationship-is-awesome/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/ten-reasons-why-being-in-a-relationship-is-awesome/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/5-reasons-why-it-would-be-awesome-to-have-a-boyfriend-right-now/ )

have never felt so terrible... hurting someone you love is not rational. and not helpful at all. why would i do that? please grant me some independence...

i'm spent....

a kitchen towel wrung hard
i see that it is still wet
and try to wring out the excess
but no matter how i try
how i try so, so hard
nothing comes out

sorry elly :( sorry for causing much pain...

a drip falls out

am i faking these emotions to myself? =/ thatd be bad.......

anyway i just came back to melb from a weekend at adelaide's

tiring. uninspiring.

of life

5. You will do things that hurt you just because you’re not ready to feel good yet.

3. You can’t do everything. When you’re in college or fresh out, you have all of these opportunities readily available, and you want all of them. Why be one thing when you grow up when you can be seven? But eventually, you’re going to have to decide what you want to be for the rest of your life and commit to what’s truly important. It sounds terrifying, and it is. But you get the best gift out of it: discovering yourself.

4. You’ll never figure it all out. I once asked my therapist how old she was when she figured out her life, and she erupted in laughter, wiping actual tears from her eyes. She told me that most people never do, and that’s okay. Most of everything in the universe is beyond your comprehension. How could your life be any different? But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worthy of our awe and rapture. That’s precisely what makes life beautiful: our ability to be humbled by a world that’s bigger than us.

5. An understanding that cheating can be emotional as well as physical.

Spoiler alert: You don’t actually have to touch genitals to have cheated on someone and/or betrayed their trust. If you are having deep, personal, romantic conversations with someone behind your partner’s back, if you are still harboring feelings for someone else, if you are seriously considering other possibilities while still completely attached to your current flame — you are being an asshole and should stop it. It’s insane how many people don’t acknowledge the myriad ways that someone can be cheated on that don’t actually involve sex. Do you really think that your partner finding out that you’ve been exchanging passionate emails with an ex is going to be that much less destructive than having slept with someone else? I mean, in many cases, knowing that there were actual feelings involved make it all the worse, as it can’t just be brushed off as a drunken mistake. Let’s at least provide each other the decency of breaking up with our partners before engaging in Nicholas Sparks-esque gchats with the cute girl from work.

10. Honesty.

It sounds so obvious: We should be honest and forthright with people we claim to love. Like, of course. But it’s funny how much we forget that honesty extends to every part of our life with someone — it’s not just “I don’t cheat on them and we’re cool.” Lies of omission count as lies. Not being up-front about the things we want from the beginning count as lies. Deciding that there is only a certain amount of yourself you are willing to show to the other person, or facets of your personality you deem acceptable to expose, is setting yourself up for an inevitable failure (or at least huge problems). Part of being able to trust someone is knowing that, even if the question is uncomfortable, you’re going to get a legitimate answer. And if there are parts of your life you are not willing to be real about if put on the spot, perhaps you should consider your desire to “share” your life in the first place.

nvr thought abt some things this way... i guess i need to examine myself as much

yeah... the overwhelming part...
i get that too.. but i really like oddz and the way we are tgt so when we aren't physically tgt, i try to push away those thoughts cos i think hes worth it
guess youve to find someone whom you think is worth the vulnerability exposure!

second day in melb. nothing much. still dont have the 'i'm embarking on an adventure of my life' feeling...

everyday come back super tired! anyway one of the things on top of my list is to get shoes. and i'm still okay about the separation. maybe not yet... oh wellz : )

day 2 orientating so maybe i'm still overwhelmed !

i looked down and saw bleeding feet
i looked back and saw a life of misery and regret
i looked front and everything was bleak
i looked around me, i see fellow friends suffering
i looked up and see the light-
i saw hope for the future
2008

before i entered rj, i was actly very worried because it was my first time stepping out of my comfort zone. it was also the first time i was representing something so prestigious. as 16 years old, i wrote about being afraid of not being able to match up to the stereotype of rj students.

today he made it into pinkbrown

240710 when I saw and can confirm that he can survive on his own, move on with life, I wondered to myself: is that it? Is it time for me to go?

Life is like that, you don’t always know what the future entails. So I wondered, what if I choose to let go? To let him move on with life and not get stuck in what is against the social norm.

I wondered the meaning of sacrifice, and whether this was considered sacrifice in its purest form. Whether this was the type of sacrifices I’d promise myself to offer when I was a little girl, so noble and innocent.

Though the physical pain is absent, the tears flowed. Endlessly, one tear rushing through another. My body jerked up and downwards violently like I saw in shows when people got possessed. I saw someone stabbing a knife into my chest, a sleek and beautiful one, twist it around and before pulling it out, jabbing another into my chest. It punctured my lungs, causing air to escape. I gasped deeply and slowly for air, slow and steady as they told us, to no avail. Air was escaping faster than I was trying to inhale.

A flinch of the staleness of the house, and everything stopped. No one must see what happened. I was merely imagining things on my part. But this is a future I may very well see-and I hope against all hope that it won’t end up like that.

-wow, i am amazed at how i used to write. or am i the only one that understands what i meant hahaha

'behind the back of mine, is a smiling face thinking of the times spent with you before that'

13th jan. Hahaha..... Whoa can melt already :x