http://youtu.be/m2ua3O_fdCY awww

This morning I woke up feeling so spritely because I had a very good walk with Pepsi the previous night. 

We raced up the hill together, I taught her to walk by my side leash-less, she looked remorseful when I got so worried about her dashing across a car.

I felt good about the increased levels of dependency and understanding between us. But I didn't expect to wake up with a smile and my first thoughts on her.. :)

oh. and i lost 2 kg during this one week.

-no snacking
-no perpetual sitting position

best feeling ever.

company aint doing well so i had to take unpaid leave from christmas to new year's break. it was such an awesome break (10 days, whaddup), i got to catch up on my personal to-do items, spend more time with family, read up some, get inspired by daily musings... i was ready to lead this lifestyle for long term.

i'm still uncertain about life, but i've heard that to know what youre passionate about (which i feel is a key ingredient to excellence), see what you do during your free time. with that, i want to document down my break to the new year.

Monday, 28 Dec
made breakfast-brocs, mash potato and sausages, all boiled & took me an hour still. it's all about practice, which i hadnt done in a while right... naturally i was exhausted, and napped. i dont know what got to me wheni woke up, proceeded to clean up the pool of the fallen leaves, played w ryan & did some gardening. then i packed ryan's 2016 school bag, cleared up his study area and threw 3 big black bags of things. the place is less clustered now. dinner was at a terrible jap restaurant at liang court w rach, ryan and al. came home, finally tried on my zalora goods and decided to return all except 1 dress and alex's christmas present.

Tues, 29 Dec
lunch at AS seafood with Vine and Jolly! recommendation success, always a pleasure. headed to Farahss after to visit the newborn twins. so adorbs... dinner was at shaw tower's thai eatery, dapao some ice cream and had THE TOUR. the lego tour. enjoyed the experience immensely... would be the greatest pleasure to work there, seems like the product of great minds.

Wed, 30 Dec
followed dad and ryan to office. chatted up the office ladies. lunch at burger king with the boys (ugh), got anderson ice cream with bro. atas taste leh... successfully visited mum's condo for the 1st time. quite a cosy place i must say. the achievement for that day was taking care of the 3 resident cats. i.used.to.be.terrified of cats... cola changed me. alex came over and we went to grandma's hawker for dinner (it's shit ass boring, but i kinda love how it's our go-to place when we have no inspiration for others). ryan cleaned the car's windscreen at home, i did some spring cleaning at the basement, alex sought to fix the bikes. eventually, alex rode a half-assed bike, ryan rode his hoverboard (?) and i ran, exploring the neighbourhood in orange valley. it was spontaneous and fun .

Thurs, 31 Dec
picked my outfit for grandma's Shanghai night bday celeb (1 jan). spring cleaned master bedroom, dad's area (behind the door) and the helper's room. a pity i'm too sentimental to be objective about my items... did massive lifting, shifting and throwing (awesome feeling). played quite a bit with meitu xiu xiu which is an amazing app. cleared a keystone module /edit 4jan-of which i learnt is not relevant to my step1 wts!!!/. couldnt decide what to do for countdown, al was really tired... we ended watching channel 5 with ryan. i fell asleep half way, alex woke me up to go to my room, he went home and that was it. HAHA. oh no.

Fri, 1 Jan 2016
I must say that by end of this week, i was v productive with my time! i did massive spring cleaning for most parts of my house. it's a great first step to revamping and beautifying my home. i woke up late on this day, did one more keystone (still irrelevant) and decided to go for a swim. called Al, and ended up at kepz with dad to golf. i didnt get my exercise done but i liked that Al got to do something he always wanted to :) we had to rush home to prepare after that for Shanghai Night! i was going for an extreme makeover with a rose cheongsam, full head perm and pinned fringe to a side. Bethy was a great help with the perm, so much so that i was so reluctant to wash my curls off after! everybody loved the curls, and ahma was happy. we still have not deduced her accurate age but she's almost 95% confirmed older than 87..

Sat, 2 Jan 2016
Late lunch wedding reception for Cel&Jas. it was lovely catching up with the sec sch girls. one of the more touching moments was seeing how one of the couple's grandma was looking on at them so radiantly, laughing at their cute speeches. this coupled along, with grandma's grand bday celebration yesterday, made me remember a promise i forced ahma to make maybe in 2010 - to be around for my wedding. if she's gna work on her end of the deal, i need to work on mine too.. anyway. after lunch, dilly dallyed at tangs for a bit (omg, alex is really into expensive purchases like crazy coffee machines). and headed to Sweet's for steamboat dinner. somewhere along the way, Al and i decided that we needed a short getaway before the new year started - so we decided to go JB. there was a lot of hesitation and going back and forth on the decision. but Al made his mind to go ahead when i was having dinner, it was the most spontaneous we have been in a while! dinner was a great gathering of uni friends. thereafter Al and i headed to customs. it took a grand time of 30min from Sweet's to entering JB (whuddup.). i booked a hotel night stay at Mutiara's just before 4G got cut off (note: don't go Mutiara's again lol).

first thing we did after check in is to go to Big foot for massage (whoa.... always a joy to get pampered liek that). then his fave wonton mee meal and loklok! lok lok is terrible, compared to Shanghai's lu4 tan1 lok lok.... i miss Shanghai. headed back to hotel and it was 3am when we started watching The Intern. it is an amazing show, and i feel like i learnt so much from it :) :)

Sun, 3 Jan 2016
bfast at soonsoonheng bakkuteh as per usual. walked around ksl - fixed up my glass protector for phone for 5rm, bought my contact lens necessities, did our auntie anne's run, did a fuel and tyre pressure refinement and we rushed to the customs at 4pm. we cleared it in an hour and got home. dinner with ryan to end the day. rach spent the longest time chatting about her friends, washed up and headed to bed to start the new year - today.

it's been a long time since i did such long posts :o glad i did it, but not much satisfaction with my poor expressions. read that one of Mark Z's resolutions was to complete 2books/month. seems doable and exciting to try :)

to end off as usual....

NEW YEAR, NEW START

This is so apt! It was half written earlier this year waiting for the inspiration to continue this 😳
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More often than laziness the root of procrastination is the fear of not doing a good job, says British philosopher and author Alain de Botton on his website, The Book of Life.

“We begin to work only when the fear of doing nothing at all exceeds the fear of not doing it very well … And that can take time,”he writes.

November the fourth

This must be recorded!!!

3rd year of watch V for Vendetta with Alex since he first introduced it to my life on 4th November, 2013. 

Gets me every single time, this year is no exception. It's crazy how I cannot remember much of the plot despite watching it so many times already. 

Cola the Cat I

1st November. 

Was leaving home to give bro a lift for table tennis when I saw the cat lying on the green carpet. Basking in beautiful summer, soaking in the afternoon sun. So peaceful and picturesque, thus borns the series of Cola the Cat. 

Corporate life (not)

Last Thursday, Vii and I took a 15min walk out for lunch. It was very hot but it was very lovely as well. The heat helped to defrost my icy body, provided some sunshine warmth. The walk was rejuvenating with fresh air, blue skies and green grass. I've always felt that the good thing about Tuas is not having your view blocked by skyscrapers all over. We were feeling so..spritezy we took a picture. 

On Friday samsy, who is crazy about Halloween, made my dept went on an impromptu dress up and walk around the building. It was the best thing that's happened in my career here yet (then again, nothing much can happen ...)

Now that Monday is here, the familiar doubt creeps in. What am I doing with my life... :(

this... this! this is one of the main reasons i wasn't too keen on continuing my piano practices. i wanted to learn music not just to produce beautiful music, but to be able to produce music anywhere.

i wanted to pick up a musical instrument that's mobile. hahaha. love this video and spontaneity so much.

full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzA2oJtRX5s

I had a dream last night that caused me to jolt out of my sleep when the alarm rang. 

I was crouching with 2-4 people, frantically meddling with some equipment. I was dirty, affected from the heat, i was exhausted, and i knew that what i was doing was helping the enemy. But i rationalised that i was doing so as to stay alive and be able to help my family after. There was a little girl, of about 5years old, sitting at the edge of our group. She too was crouched, but staring on as we wanted to her to rest, we didnt want to taint her hands w such blasphemous work. She was such a well behaved girl, i made extra effort to keep her within my peripheral vision. And then i saw the manlike lady soldier enter. 

She resembled ms trunchbull from matilda, except much skinner and fitter. She was holding her rifle in position, aiming it at the little girl, taking slow calculated steps towards her. I could feel the little girls eyes widening in fear, but she kept her gaze on the solider- so strong yet fearful... Her body stiffened, hoping that her good behaviour would disinterest as a target.

All this while, my crouching comrades and I continued w our charge. We started missing the cranks and nooks, we increased frequency raising our arms to wipe sweat w our sleeves. And then we heard the shot. Our hands froze momentarily, and then scrambled around more quickly. 

The child's whimpers floated to my ears and i took in a heavy sigh of relief. She is still alive. I made a mental note to care for her and take her in as my own after this ended. 

But then i heard the 2nd shot of persistence. This time i completely stopped what i was doing. I was shivering w indignity and anger and fear. Fear kept me from standing. I wanted to run over to the child and protect her from the bull so so so badly. I was crying, shaking, and hyperventilating. How could fear chain my legs and sense of humanity. 

The child let out an uncontrolled shriek and instinctively tried to go back to her curled ball of submission. I remember my fears being comforted, at least shes still alive. I still can atone for my mistakes. 

When i heard the 3rd gunshot, my dream ended. 

What is it im struggling to stay alive for???

I didnt realise that fear of survival could cripple my sense of humanity this badly.

Is it my environment or deep set flaws surfacing