it's all about choices. and i regret not going up today. it was such a great opportunity to reconcile back with my dad. but i kept telling myself there'd be other chances cos i was really scared(no idea what i was scared of though). well, i really hope there will be. no use brooding over the past. sigh it just doesn't seem right. the speaker was really good i must admit. she doesn't look like those intimidating preachers >.< she kept asking us to drink from the river that flows before Him. and i tried. i did try. but it was difficult, really difficult and painstaking. when i retreated to my bed, i tried to be as calm as i could. i tried to be as stable as a rock. i tried to talk to Him. actually, i DID talk to Him, just that it seems he's not responding. ok he probably responded but i didnt hear him. why? why? why is that so? am i too small for u? am i too unclean for u? are u angry with me cos i respond for altar call? or maybe i'm too insignificant for u to hear me. i'm just a nobody.

anyway i have a resolution. and i wanna fulfill it at least once before i leave this world. and that is to bring someone to know the great father i have. i wanna pray for him/her and touch them in a way or another. i want to be a living testimonial for the Lord. but that'll have to wait for now

i randomly am reminded of one of our leisure self runs at turf city. ok it was many of them. i so remembered the one where we had the sec3s(it was last yr) tailing us sec2 girls when we said we were going to turf city to run. it was SUPER funny cos like somebody exclaimed:" i SEE JEN'S HEAD!" then everything else that took place became a whirl since i was quite determined to run but it became so chaotic all thanks to our cute lovable seniors. but oh well, we side-tracked, went to macs, got some relishing food and took a walk =) hahahaha so that became our self run. one round of girls' route, along with our bags, food and camera of course. hahahaha

then there was another one where turf city was still a young new terrain for us. when we reached a 'private property' and the barricade with the STOP sign with all sorts of warning, we stopped short at our tracks. to go on or to turn back? what if we go on then kena caught by police? or what if somebody shoots us? but then if we turn back so mafan so short somemore must go up the super steep slope x_X..... and as usual, we had our famous crossie debate, which u know can stretch for abt 3hrs for just a simple decision as to where to eat :) so anyway, we decided that our run was more impt than our lives besides," AIYAH! die then die lah. no more nationals :D no more EXAMS!! no more stress we also get to perish as a team XD furthermore, we'll meet our dad sooner." HAHAHA well yup we lived. but there and then at that point of time, we were so panicky and it seemed like we were on an adventure. what's my point of bringing this up? i dont know. haha probably to tell the seniors how much i'll really miss them after nationals. after 13th april, u guys probably will stop training with us to concentrate on Os. after that day, we'd probably meet less, drift apart and not remain as close as ever.

to side-track more, as i journey more into running, i'll always remember this very particular runner that spoke words of wisdom. it was short, sharp and straight to the point, and relevant too since i was running. each time i replay the scene in my mind, more and more meaning gets extracted. it was one of the 1st few races for 2005. after abt 2km, the bunch of runners get spreaded out and u kinda have a running buddy. well, my 'running buddy' was this huayi girl. it was then very flattering for me. hmm, i was in front of her then. while fighting against my heavy breathing and her chasing, we chanced upon a singapore sports sch girl that well, gave up while running. she probably had a stitch since she was crouching down. wanting to give her support, i tapped her head and breathed out ," COME ON" i thought that was good enough. but somehow, at the corner of my eye and within a short period of time, i saw the huayi girl bend down, hit e sss girl's back and shout,"is this sportsmanship. come on, get up and RUN" she said those words with such conviction that wow. i was hit with those words over and over again. it just kept coming back to me. i concluded that it's how their coach coached them. to be strong and nvr give up no matter what cos it's "sportsmanship". what happened in the end? i heard that teo saw her crying in ahem, the arms of another man. probably a supporter. hahaha =/ what an ending. oh yes, the huayi girl finally beat me at the last part. but at the last of the latest part towards the very official ending, i beat her and a few other pple in front of me. dang it. i was too tired to look for her and ask for her name. she's a person worth my friendship xD

great, i've still 3 more yue du zhou baos to do. arrghh.. i think i'll do it tmr when i'm more pressurized to do it. i always seem to understand all the un-understandable chinese words while pressurised to finish reading it. ok i'm going back to reality of a student. running does teach a lot of life lessons. pity those that miss them out. take care! 3 wks and 3 more days! x_x