(i'm having super bad gastric pains now.ayyy.... i had a 'proper' dinner... :(crap. hurts like anything man. i cant walk.)

sorry jan. i threw my phone cos i was pissed.sorry.

(i had so much fun tdy. x chalet.norman,grace,nic,alvin,ruiyong,aud,melvin came.then they left and i went to retire 4 e night.while listening to alvin&ry talk abt runners and all.i enjoy listening to running stuff.in e morn everyone left and i went to airport w ernest to attempt study.a malay uncle talked to him on e way there.he's so open.i felt so warm listening to their conversation.e uncle's so friendly,so trusting,so chatty...no hint of scheming-ness.he was so real.pure.innocent to a certain extent.the world has a great lack of such pple.then i went back to pasirrispark to play sandcastle w youthphoria.now we know that daniel's(e 19yrs guy not daddy) is e pro at smokin =p but that grp's sandcastle is really nice. after that we reached church, ray suggested watching movie.so we went to vivo.ended up eating at a 'restaurant' w v nice staff.then to GJ for drinks.19 pple went for e outing man!i was felt such great.teamspirit. hahaha.whatthepenguin. we went high lah.why!but nvm.i was laughing e dinner out of me.)

then i came home.and i dont know why. i had a resolution to sit down and finally 'discuss' about thaddeus cheong. when i reached home, i talked a bit to jan abt him. but she was really tired from a super long day.further more she had trg in the morn; she suddenly said,'let's stop talking.we shld sleep.' i felt so.dejected and hurt. yeah so jan, when you went out, fine, i threw the phone against the wardrobe. sorry for scaring you man. but when you suddenly said that and walked out of my room, i was so shocked and overwhelmed that i didnt know what to do. and then almost instantaneously i felt so angry at myself. i realise that i've not come to terms with what happened abt 1mth ago.

i was reminded of the phone call shortly after church service. clar blatantly told me what happened. two words. i was reminded of e first time i saw him lying there. his father saying when we (x girls) walked in 'thad...you cant go out and play pool with your friends anymore ah'.

i was reminded of being next to him during his last 'mugging' session on that fri@bishan library.iwas laughing silently to myself.i looked at him;he was staring at his econs notes. after a while i look up agn,his eyes are half closed.i then told him my philosophy;sleep for 1/2hr,wake up v energized then can study properly.his agreement and totalsupporting look on his face made my day la.he 'yayaya. i agree'which is total bull to e others cos mugging is their passion.

that one trg i decided to go up to do exercise,only to see him and clarisse there too.that day i decided to try an exercise taught by clarisse.so i was rather noob.then thad was like 'lower..lower....okay' 'ah damn pain' 'of course la!' ...

that one time i stayed back in sch till abt 7plus in the canteen.i was waiting for time to pass so i took out my work to attempt. then he came by, talk a bit to me..talked to some pple ard me.. then after getting inspired by me dragged his feet to get his bag and take out his notes.but he nvr study la.only for show. but whoa, he's one hella pro at crapping. his econs is super good.he seemed like he knew his stuff really well

him asking me whether i knew abt 'the fan club'. he didnt want to cont when i said no.

him askingme to go eat after a particular trg when mummy alr was waiting for me

that super sms reply he gave. 'c 1st la...' so beng. ha ha...

e room that mr t brought aud clar and i to. the rebellion i had twds the 'counsellor' or whatever he/she's called. i stubbornly refused to cry in front of him/her.that was a really painful 10min or so.

seeing him leaning against the railing when i went out to get my bag. seeing him after he walked out of thad's place, during his funeral...

the grand 'ceremony' to commemorate thadd's life

the yellow band that so many people wear.now when i see any1 w e yellow band, i auto assume they're related to thadd. that's fine right?

the first time i saw thad.

it's no use whining but i don't understand...why?
sry i'm not being very coherent.but this needs an update