i have nothing much to say today except;

PLEASEeeeee, PLEASE.....please take care of your teeth :'(

i went to the dentist tdy and....and it was hell :((( i wanted to cry..but i was too in pain to cry!! i dno how i can be friends with raechelle koh xin ru aft she grads frm dentistry........

Anw, random buttttt . I just rmbed tht otw back frm nepal, i watched the sunset. And saw stars tht were right in front of me and within arms reach. It was amazing..... It was stunning. The coolest part was tht, as i watched those amazing feats of nature chronologically, the timing btwn each "activity" was so short tht - at one pt, i cld see the the sunsetting on window 5 and the stars on window 9. It was insanely profound

Will he love you like I loved you?
Will he tell you every day?
Will he make you feel like you're invincible
With every word he'll say?


Can you promise me if this was right,
Don't throw it all away?
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things
Like we used to...

i am gonna talk abt 3 particular incidents ;

1) recently, i went for my dad's poly friend's bday party. i met uncle's two kids-boy and girl-, of whom, i vaguely rmb mtg in pri sch. ANYWAY, the thing is, we were having a nice atas dinner at this restaurant. the prawns tht were being served were left in abundance probably cos not many wanted to dirty their fingers. boy came over to our table and asked abt the left over prawns. i SORT OF whined about how we wld dirty our fingers if we were to consume them. what he did next ttly shocked me; he just let out a huge sigh, plonked himself on the chair next to me and proceeded to peel prawns for us. without hesitation-or knowing our names even, i think. haha i was damn impressed la. having such a korkor wld be so cool ^^v

2) we had sim-nepal bbq on friday, and i was left with maggie for a while due to circumstances. because we were alone, i think we became more open with each other. and we chatted a bit. not like super deep talk, but the personal touch to the conversation was absolutely amazing. i really loved it. it was natural, not forced, and things just flowed...for lack of a btr word HAHA, naturally. that is the kind of conversations i crave for..yknow. dont get me wrong, i'm ttly ONZ for bull talk. but not all the time obviously

3) TO CUT THINGS SHORT, i was running late to catch the last train that ngt; and there was a lot of commotion gng all over abt how i'm gna get back home. ( awwww OMG. srsly, i was really frigging touched by that scene... it was damn nice to see how they all were so concerned abt my safety :') sigh....!! they are such genuine and nice ppl :))) ) amidst all that, i noticed a few things. (of those few things, this one thing struck me cos it followed w a conclusion) elephant called across the table to donny..suggesting sth like , forking out 10$ each to 'sponsor' my cab fare ? or sth. which eventually they both did la. i was deeply moved by their actions! i'm not even close to elly at all so i was v surprised by his initiation. and the 'speech' he gave to convince me to accept the $$ was v sweet :) (ok but fyi, i didnt accept it OKKKK. he threw the notes in before he closed the cab door)

alrightz, i'm just writing all these down for memory's sake.

People write to experience life twice; once in the moment, the other in retrospect.

yes. i dont know 1) and 3) v well but their actions moved me cos i found those v gentlemanly :))) yay!

tdy during the short prayer in svc, my prayer request ( btw, all these are spontaneous actly. they arent even stuff that i deliberately mull over during the course of the week) was that i'd find God's heart....well, i DO REALLY WNA find His heart... anywayzxz, before willy prayed taht for me, he said this first " thank You (God) for giving tiffany a heart to know after You" . and that struck me...bcos i thought that was a given. BUT when he said that , it made me realise that to want to know God and love Him, it takes anointing. it is a gift to have that desire.

i came home qte late last ngt cos of work. the surprising thing was that dad texted me, said he'd meet me at the bball court. which he rly did so hahaha :) he ran a bit, sit ups for a while. then we walked back home. i was rly touched... (ok i keep alternating between touched and moved. hahaha i srsly need to expand my vocab!!) but I TOTAHHHHLLY ruined the mood. i got my friend t call so i was talking all the way back home. i dno why i didnt hang up... i guess, even though i really wanted to relish in the moment and the surroundings with dad, i.... i didnt dare to let my heart loose?

OHWELLZ. ok tmi!! TOO MUCH INFO. hahahha! anw my pimples are being rly naughty. STOP COMING OUTTT :(((

i heard a song during bbq... and I FINALLY FOUND THE SONG. I'M TAUTALII LOVIN' ITTTT <3 i REALLY like the approach the lyrics-writer took. a bit too sexual but a bit tweaking here and there and it shld be good for me !!! i shall paste it here :

A rocket to the moon-Like we used to
V1
I can feel her breath
As she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart
Fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him

Chorus
Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to Purple Rain?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?

V2
Fourteen months and seven days ago
Oh, I know you know
How we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
Oh we took it slow
And we both know
It should have been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him in the dark

Bridge
I know love
(I'm a sucker for that feeling)
Happens all the time, love
(I always end up feeling cheated)
You're on my mind, love
(Oh darling, I know I'm not needed)
It happens all the time, love, yeah

Oh, like we used to ~

what a sweeeeeeeet soooooong :)

Jst watched something borrowed. I still dont find the guy good looking haha. Rly dno what jiji sees in him :p the rship btwn the two best girlfriends rly reminds me of my rship w jiji. Like how one isthe spokesperson for both, how one person makes the decision for both, how one always gives in to the other, how one dominates and thr othrr submits ; yet the rship is still v loving and both still loves each other (ignoting the outcomr of e show haha)

Eeps. Its gna rain qte heavily. Lightning pls dont be bad!!

At least once a day, id think how im ever gna be able to eventually get married cos im frigging 21 yrs old alr haha and i still have no wish to be attached. And i always fear tt id jst settle for someone normal and not one i rly 'love' jst cos im scared id nvr find anyone else whod accept me..and i dont wna be old and lonely. Lolzxz :/ ive rly lil faith in Gods plan for me

I wna be connected to my creator and be told what im made for so that i can fully utilise the capabilities engineered into me. I dont want my existance here to be useless and futile!! How how how. Helpzx :(

(

1) and foremost, i rly dont like it that mediacorp doesnt place much emphasis on masterchef! :((( masterchefs next episode is delayed agn by a week....zzzzz :((( sian ttm!!! Anw i rly love masterchef. And tbh, i dont rmb e winner tho ive been told before. So... :) GO LEE!!!!!

2) been standing ard ALOT for work and i think my bad knee is kinda inflammed or swollen or sth :/ :( i have to limp a bit kinda to move ard... :(

3) saw some old pics of myself...and sisters. It was kinda saddening to cos now i know why i was like tht..sort of

4) MY PHONEEEEEE :(((( ohmaaaaan. What happenedddd. Zzz :(((

Elvin ng!!!~ aww maaaaan ^^ hahahahhaha. Oh plz i hope he or anyone related t him sees this. So embarrassing.

"Anw wa rj rocks cause when i have a problem, all the rj ppl will rack their brains to solve it" -jenny.

Aww maaaan. Rly miss this aspect of raffles so much :( ive been craving for deep/intellectual talk for years now... The last was prob w fang recently, which was one sided and...lasted for five min only :/ thankfully sim ,yes sim, has A FEW ppl who like t engage in such conversations :)

Started first day of work at the cafe. Which was ok except for one incident which id like t conveniently forget haha. Am v disappointed tt my family members were insulting and looking down upon me for taking on such a job though. I rly dno why theyd be like tt, to each of his/her own ,no? If i cant even be honest w my family without getting insulted , wld you blame me if i drift away frm them?

Ok, now for another one of those phrase tt spoke t me frm ccamp. :

People have big dreams becausd people are deep down spiritual beings; which attributes to their desire to experience the supernatural in the mundane way of life.

Not been writing since i came back because i felt tt the 3 trips (nepal, aonang, msia) were too precious memories to try to be penned down.... But not writing will just cause these memories to fade and be a part of my blurry past .

Nepal was 10days of....great self discovery. It was not as impactful as great; the experience was subtle yet strong. Nepal did not pt out to me the aspects of my life that i should change, it did not open my eyes to what i shld be working twds in future, it did not show me my future husband (hahahh), it didnt answer any of my burning qns abt life. Instead, nepal brought great peace in my life, it gave me a more global perspective of the world, of my life, of God. I rly felt at peace, like, ive finally found where i cld belong. It wasnt my sch friends jsyk, because i kept to myself most of the time -unintentionally of cos.

Aonang was a stark contrast to nepal. I was treated like a queen at aonang (at a part of krabi island). I shant attempt t explain how we received such treatment but , we had a frigging big mansion for my family. Complete with a cute, wood-ish kitchen, a nice comfortable living room, a room packed with many vcds for viewing pleasure, a pool and a computer. The ceilings of the house was so tall; like the ceiling of the first floor was knocked off so its ceiling was 2lvls high. We had cooks for bfast and dinner. For lunch, we wld be chauffeured to the near by shopping area and pick a nice restaurant for our stomach's filling (the pizzas were awesome o.o) oh yeah, youd figured by now tt we had drivers jst a call away. Ahma bcame rly tan aft the trip haha!

Churchcamp. Was ttly dreading it for various reasons. But , as cliche as it is, i dont regret gg for it! In fact, i think that i got the most out of the camp compared to previous years. We had 5talks by the invited pastor. The first talk was -eh, ok...- cos i was still in the "omg i srsly dno why im here" mood. But i got hooked by the 2nd sermon. The reason is because ,while he was talking, one part rly struck me and caused my ears to prick. I dont rmb now what he was saying , but frm the things that he said, i ,for lack of gd vocab, REALLY felt tt derek read my blog or sth (hawhaw so lamez). It felt like he was quoting frm my blog or sth. Aft quoting, he'd address the issue. This conted on till the end of the 5 talks.

So i feel that God rly spoke a lot to me. Now, im at a crossroads of my life, or rather at the last chpt of the first volume of my life. I know im supposed to end this chpt so that the 2nd vol can be started upon; Ideas and paradigms of the 2nd vol have been laid out already (though it shld be noted that even the first step is not planned out yet). But i dno how to end the last chpt..i dno how to sum all the past experiences up. I dont know how to conclude my debut. (anw im rly glad i got this out in words HAHA been thinking how i cld do it..i tried w animal analogies or objects etc )

I need help. Ok. But anw. I rly learnt alot so i shall end off (attempt to) each post w a learning pt ;

Actly for qte a while now, i dont see myself as a christian.when ppl ask me, i jst say i that i attend church but im not a christian. These were my thoughts : i do believe that God exist because i look ard me at all of creation and it is impossible to think tt they all start w a mere explosion. But what abt christianity baffles me is that , i dont see a need to have a rship w Him. I feel that we shld just honour, respect and believe in Him. Why shld i love a creator and have a loving rship w Him? Its like, zuckerberg created fb, so shld i love and have a rship w him?

Derek indirectly talked abt this issue. (ok, i must pause here n say tt i appear as someone whos v argumentative, headstrong,stubborn etc wtv discussig abt intellectual stuff. But im not being all those things, i qn bcos i wna see things frm ur pov. I jst qn t try and see things frm ur pov.which i will, if im given a solid and logical reasoning. ) which is what happened that ngt (ccamp). Derek said "we need to lovw God because He is our Father and he loves us)

Tt got me. And frm then , i was convicted that i NEED to eventually hv a proper rship w God.

Three seconds i did what i did, i realised the severity of my actions. But things tt happen, ppls actions , sometimes are not too dramatic. Sometimes thrs a reason fortheir big rxn. Maybe its sth tt happened before, maybe thrs sth in the persons heart tt you nvr noticed.

So even tho i realised how rude and terrible i was, i wanted to run into his arms and sob uncontrollably as how i imagined i wld in my mind and seek for forgiveness. But i didnt. Because .i got angry for a reason. It may not be because of the small incident tt jst took place but because of the accummulation of things tt happened. Because history cannot be altered, the situation wld nvr get btr. And for tt reason, id nvr forgive you and love you like the way i did. Its rly sad...but i cant do anything about it. Im sorry. I dont have it in me to forgive

Oh! I think the reason ive been feeling so hungry at 10pm these days is bcos for the past 10days i had been having dinner at 10pm sg time. Hahaha (nepal is 2hrs slower) ! Ahhh zzz :( hungryhungry and fat. )

Zzz room s rly messy !

Im off to bangkok. AND SINCE NO ONE COMES HERE OFTEN (its a cue not t mock wht im gna say haha), i cried otw home. I was so upset i just plonked myself on e floor at tried to slp while training. I was so excited abt gng back cos the prospect of seeing my family at the airport was too heartwarming. Nvr in my wildest dreams did i imagine tt my entire family wld PANGSEH me. Ultimate la. Thanks......... :/ another case of how i value ppl more than they value me.. Guess thats what it means to be Innocent huh :/ what costs....

The ngt bcm worse as it progressed through the night . But i kept my cool abt it. I KEPT MY COOL OK. Im a frigging matured girl srsly haha. Thanks dad for picking me up half way thoughhhhh. He was rly funny when he was trying to comfort me. Not funny in the humourous, joking way. But funny in the awkward way. :') just for tngt, thanks daddy