Not been writing since i came back because i felt tt the 3 trips (nepal, aonang, msia) were too precious memories to try to be penned down.... But not writing will just cause these memories to fade and be a part of my blurry past .

Nepal was 10days of....great self discovery. It was not as impactful as great; the experience was subtle yet strong. Nepal did not pt out to me the aspects of my life that i should change, it did not open my eyes to what i shld be working twds in future, it did not show me my future husband (hahahh), it didnt answer any of my burning qns abt life. Instead, nepal brought great peace in my life, it gave me a more global perspective of the world, of my life, of God. I rly felt at peace, like, ive finally found where i cld belong. It wasnt my sch friends jsyk, because i kept to myself most of the time -unintentionally of cos.

Aonang was a stark contrast to nepal. I was treated like a queen at aonang (at a part of krabi island). I shant attempt t explain how we received such treatment but , we had a frigging big mansion for my family. Complete with a cute, wood-ish kitchen, a nice comfortable living room, a room packed with many vcds for viewing pleasure, a pool and a computer. The ceilings of the house was so tall; like the ceiling of the first floor was knocked off so its ceiling was 2lvls high. We had cooks for bfast and dinner. For lunch, we wld be chauffeured to the near by shopping area and pick a nice restaurant for our stomach's filling (the pizzas were awesome o.o) oh yeah, youd figured by now tt we had drivers jst a call away. Ahma bcame rly tan aft the trip haha!

Churchcamp. Was ttly dreading it for various reasons. But , as cliche as it is, i dont regret gg for it! In fact, i think that i got the most out of the camp compared to previous years. We had 5talks by the invited pastor. The first talk was -eh, ok...- cos i was still in the "omg i srsly dno why im here" mood. But i got hooked by the 2nd sermon. The reason is because ,while he was talking, one part rly struck me and caused my ears to prick. I dont rmb now what he was saying , but frm the things that he said, i ,for lack of gd vocab, REALLY felt tt derek read my blog or sth (hawhaw so lamez). It felt like he was quoting frm my blog or sth. Aft quoting, he'd address the issue. This conted on till the end of the 5 talks.

So i feel that God rly spoke a lot to me. Now, im at a crossroads of my life, or rather at the last chpt of the first volume of my life. I know im supposed to end this chpt so that the 2nd vol can be started upon; Ideas and paradigms of the 2nd vol have been laid out already (though it shld be noted that even the first step is not planned out yet). But i dno how to end the last chpt..i dno how to sum all the past experiences up. I dont know how to conclude my debut. (anw im rly glad i got this out in words HAHA been thinking how i cld do it..i tried w animal analogies or objects etc )

I need help. Ok. But anw. I rly learnt alot so i shall end off (attempt to) each post w a learning pt ;

Actly for qte a while now, i dont see myself as a christian.when ppl ask me, i jst say i that i attend church but im not a christian. These were my thoughts : i do believe that God exist because i look ard me at all of creation and it is impossible to think tt they all start w a mere explosion. But what abt christianity baffles me is that , i dont see a need to have a rship w Him. I feel that we shld just honour, respect and believe in Him. Why shld i love a creator and have a loving rship w Him? Its like, zuckerberg created fb, so shld i love and have a rship w him?

Derek indirectly talked abt this issue. (ok, i must pause here n say tt i appear as someone whos v argumentative, headstrong,stubborn etc wtv discussig abt intellectual stuff. But im not being all those things, i qn bcos i wna see things frm ur pov. I jst qn t try and see things frm ur pov.which i will, if im given a solid and logical reasoning. ) which is what happened that ngt (ccamp). Derek said "we need to lovw God because He is our Father and he loves us)

Tt got me. And frm then , i was convicted that i NEED to eventually hv a proper rship w God.