We are changing. I can look 5 yrs into the future and see you becoming more worldly and humane while i getting dunked into the materialistic world and chasing one opportunity after another.

I dont know-i think i rather such a lifestyle than having people look down at me. Youve done it before and im too sensitive and insecure to handle as such again... Even though ill still prob be spoken illy (omg how do you spell ill-y??) off, at least ill have considerable assets to my name by then. I HOPE. lol.

Got two good friends finally talking to their eyecandies ! And both seem pretty promising. Hahaha. Ok frivolous but , isnt money a frivolous endeavour as well ?

We all were made for more than this. What then is it? Tell me

I dont know how you do it, girls my age should not be able to feel like this with a mere glance anymore

First time being given a slip of paper (that i am a potential (top 3) winner) ! :))) the competition for my category wasnt very strong but im still rly happy nonetheless. ^^ earned some cash too whoo~

Felt kinda cool to be in the sectioned off area for winners next to the stage before prize presentation hawhaw. Ok back to the student life

I must tell myself that im a machine and not feeling anything while doing my task is ok. IT IS OKAY. !

my problem is that while i am awake, physically alert actually, my brain is shut. it's a vacuum...

my head is like a coconut. it's empty - so i think coconut's insides are... come to think of it, i've nvr really seen the inside of a coconut-always steered clear upon seeing them. aren't coconuts smelly ? =x

ok i dont rly know what i'm doing so i'll wake up early tmr.

anyway my back hurts from tdy's trng :(

"Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life." -Tuck Everlasting (2002)

I must live by this!!!

No, im rly tired.. Im merely running on adrenaline and from seeing him today..(hahaha).

Im not waking up today with a 'new week, new start!!!' resolution like i used to.

Siandotcom

How does it feel like to awaken to reality one day and realise that your all effort and time have come to naught?

:'( damn.why am i stupid? ....

The worst thing is that im so used to being this foolish-so much so tht im void of hurt and disappointment at this realisation (of my dumb endeavour). I'm such an embarrassment, a failure. Rly dont want to face tmr..

wow, got a 'message in a bottle (by nicholas sparks)' moment here !

i've forgotten how it feels like to pine for someone, not that i'm complaining! those were bad days. anyway, really liked sth and will share it here :

Is it possible to miss someone you don't even know?

"I wish I had never met you. Then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there." -Good Will Hunting (1997)

Are you for real???? !!!

Im feeling pretty strong during trng these days-yknow, a bit of the 'flying' feeling, fast and relaxed kinda thing- but it dawned upon me ytd... Despite that, im not fast enough. Have you heard?sometimes your best just isnt enough ..

Kinda sucks to know when im nearing my prob last competitive race.. Doubt ill be as strong as now ever..

Was talking t a friend, she asked why i trained so hard-what objectives i serve. And i dont know. In fact, i do concur with the intent of her question / statement .

Sky looks gloomy, so does my mind .....

Anyway i picked a pathetic blanket to sleep with last ngt, ggxx!!!! Was curled up like a koala.

-What has helped me grow as a person is putting myself at the starting line of some of these horrible races knowing that I don't like to run or to bike. However, when I get through with the race the person that comes out the other side is a person that has grown.

-What life throws at you is a lot of negativity. It's what you do with that negativity that makes you a stronger human being. When you hear the words, no, you can't, impossible, never...what do you think to yourself? Do you cower inside and run from the challenge. Or do you face it...head on...asking for more?
Failure is an option. It's what you do with the failure that makes you who you are. Our failures mold us. I have failed at several things in my life.

What sets some of us apart, is that when we fail, we can't sleep at night. It haunts us until we have our time at redemption.

-david goggins

fierce man

When i was 16 and going through that crazy phase in life with all my irrational thoughts and emotions, i did foresee myself being more stable at 20.

Now im 22 but i find myself still irrational and uncontrollable. And id say im in a worse plight than ever. Then, i had a God to lean on to, to be my constant support and listening ear. Now im alone. Completely alone.

I dont know if it was of the Higher being, but i was told that it is my pride - 'wanting to be in complete control of my life'-that is a barrier between Him and i. ...

I slept at 2 and woke up at 830. WELL DONE. Finished part one of research only though... Still have second half. Which im gna forfeit and just go for class :/// oops

Today , mum talked to me abt being angry with a family member. She shared how she has learnt to accept the way people are, how she takes it by her stride and how she deals with nasty comments( from the people closest to you).

Really respect her for these... :/ i dont know how i am going to muster such motherly love...

I must learn how to juggle

http://www.wiggle.co.uk/adidas-ladies-response-ds-short-tight/#buyitem some tights i'm considering

try a thong...?? triathlon ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl-QLD5bzPk haahhaha omg so cute !

'I need to share this... I had track trng last evening, only went to bed at 230, Rolled ard till 330, unable to slp cos of adrenaline (my heart was pumping qte hard!). And i just abt rolled ard the entire time till NOW :((( need to get up soon t go for biathlon trng@east coast at 8.. Ggxx :('

Yknow, despite all that has happened, i say with confidence-right here, right now-that i love my family. Ytd night, while walking home, i happened to see something beyond the gates :

My mum was coming out of the driver's seat of her car while my dad was waiting outside with an extended hand on the car door.

It was such a 'typical' scene-and if you read this, youre prob wondering why this is even worth blogging abt- but i was so touched by it that i ran twds them like a kid and hugged my mum so tight. Then i went to my dad and hugged him too. It was a rare moment of seeing my dad showing affections for my mum. Even as i recount this now, im feeling all tingly again... :)

Anyway, i think im very awake and very much emotional because of the adrenaline frm this evening's trng-hahaaaa. But i rly wna note a few things:

Owl city's and carly jae's 'Good times' is rly nice!! :))) i rly loveeee adam young's stuff. Im listening to his 'Enchanted' now- it was written as a response song to taylor swift's enchanted :)

i watched mens triathlon (&womens)... And im majorly inspired by alistair brownlee-gold medalist for 2012 london olympics ! Hes only 24 & currently pursuing a Masters in finance (omg wht am i doing w my life, hahaha). He started out as a crosscountry runner too! His running posture was rlyyyy good, everytime i think abt him running, i feel a mild wave of adrenaline.

Ok alistair wld nvr be awake NOW with a trng tmr at 8am! Gd night!

Just when i thought itd be weird to start dating , i dreamt that yesung and i did. And it was wonderful..........

Crapz. Whats wrong w me, ha ha haaaa

Hes the one on the right! Love his hair colour btw...! He looks rly gd here, but srsly-his real charm shows when he sings

'our senior (citizen)s have sacrificed so much for this generation.'

having been part of the past that shaped my present, i guess that's the reason i hold people older than me in such high regard ...

LOL. Im totally feeling likeaboss just because i finished my work for ONE PROJ. I still have 2 and i hvnt touched my notes even...

God has been reaaaally gracious to me. Even though i get regular coughing fits throughout the day, He spares me when i sleep. Every night since wed.

It is 'tremendous' because the last time i had a cough, i had interrupted sleep (frm coughing fits:( ) for close to a month.... I still rmb how i burst into tears many oft a time then- i was sooo tired but was kept awake from the coughs...

(yeah.. Im gna check out track olympics now cos ive nvr been awake for its live recordings ha.) oh gosh, am reminded of the hunger games...

If i had a swimmer boyfriend, this is what id tell him:

When you're thrashing your body out in the pool, the water would block out all sounds and you wouldnt be able to hear me-but know that im somewhere in the mass of crowds screaming my lungs out for you!

Dragged myself to church tdy cos i half heartedly signed up for some tuition ministry, but it turned out better than expected :) went back, rested a while and started prep for picnic w lionel swee youbz danny and zhenhao at marina barrage ! It was organised also to watch the fireworks~ (which were blocked by MBS... so, dont go barrge if you wna see fireworks!!)

I cooked broccoli w stuff cos i rly love steamed broc. But the broc taste was soooo overwhelming, it was bad :(( ohwell. Had a rly good time anyway... even though at 1130pm, i was still out @.@

i indulged (in unhealthy food) a little too much, laughed a little too loud, got excited a little too unnecessary... So my sore throat is pretty baaaad now :/

Nonetheless, i had a rly good time with these ppl! :) -thus my activity of naming them all.

I will go to (grace MC-wayejies) church tmr cos i made a commitment too! Prob will slip in an easy run in evening cos if not the break will be too long...

Picture: Us all! While waiting for swee n youbz. #supergoodpicnic! Everyone turned out to be rly excited AND prepared for the outing :))) we were saying : this picnic is too successful because we have so much food leftover!

Wanted to wait up at 645 to run but its 930 now x((( now im gna be late for some church appt thinggg. Lolz

Didnt know ytd's self trng was so tough on me! And im coughing like &;&&:!:: . Thank God that i nvr coughed once!!:) during my sleeps, thus far... :)

Eating alex's toy for bfast. Hahahaha

I find him rly good looking B-)

The second picture is sth i saw on facebook. Very sweet!

Ok i shld get on with my project PREPARATION..

Why is it that the older we get, the more aware and sensitive i am about my surroundings ???! I nvr used to care abt what others thought of me. That made things so much simpler and easier t handle.

Anw, attended a ceremony (actly we were so late tt we were in time for lunch only) for the awarding of fang's scholarship of a sum of money. Good stuff... !

Im tired....not physically... But tired of the commitments im forced to make :/ i think. I dont know even.. I wish i were more self assured (#irritating!! #stopwhiningabtthesamething)