240710 when I saw and can confirm that he can survive on his own, move on with life, I wondered to myself: is that it? Is it time for me to go?

Life is like that, you don’t always know what the future entails. So I wondered, what if I choose to let go? To let him move on with life and not get stuck in what is against the social norm.

I wondered the meaning of sacrifice, and whether this was considered sacrifice in its purest form. Whether this was the type of sacrifices I’d promise myself to offer when I was a little girl, so noble and innocent.

Though the physical pain is absent, the tears flowed. Endlessly, one tear rushing through another. My body jerked up and downwards violently like I saw in shows when people got possessed. I saw someone stabbing a knife into my chest, a sleek and beautiful one, twist it around and before pulling it out, jabbing another into my chest. It punctured my lungs, causing air to escape. I gasped deeply and slowly for air, slow and steady as they told us, to no avail. Air was escaping faster than I was trying to inhale.

A flinch of the staleness of the house, and everything stopped. No one must see what happened. I was merely imagining things on my part. But this is a future I may very well see-and I hope against all hope that it won’t end up like that.

-wow, i am amazed at how i used to write. or am i the only one that understands what i meant hahaha