saw some unwanted stuff on the phone (then, would i rather be in denial?) and made me get into a totally insecure fit. overall, don't think that i'm being insecure... maybe i'm just different, have different standards and expectations. told him that we should sit down one day, once and for all, to discuss where we see this going.

had a terrible dream last night because of this... (in fact, i do have a lot of nightmares of our relationship because i feel that its so unstable). dreamt that he became super aloof and unfeeling towards me. i kept clinging on, following him wherever he went, and hugged him so tight when i didn't know what else to do. like trying to grasp and hold onto what isn't mine anymore... when instead i should have known to let go something so fleeting.

it was such a terrible dream... :( left me feeling so horrible... woke up this morning feeling like crap.