all over again. and again. and again.

(i'm gna explode on a young adolescent emotional rage so, dont mind me)

really sucks to make yourself available for people, especially to the people closest to your heart. and when it isn't reciprocated. makes myself wonder why i even bothered in the first place. i dont know if i'm being too polite and undemanding with making my presence known (like. EH HELLO YOU IDIOT. i hope you remember that i exist in your life. and that i called you, and texted you and am patiently waiting like a fool for you) .

but after a while, won't you, won't anyone, wonder what the point of this whole 'availing yourself for the one you love, hoping to be noticed and spending some quality time with' is for. when it doesn't get reciprocated. i'm so so sick of waiting for people. i'm so sick of being ignored.

and i know there is no point bringing this up because of this one phrase 'the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference'

you. all. will not care. and the worst part, i will still come back to you. i will still crawl back to you and crave your attention.

i hate myself for being like that.

i'll have you know that one day , 'again' will end. i will cast away all feelings and forget about having any emotional ties with you. it is so tiring for me, so painful to be forgotten time and again.

i'm writing this all down because i know that any sign of affection will cause me to forget this hurt i'm experiencing. still, yet, i know i will forget . and i will experience this whole shit

again.
. :(((((((((((((