i'm dreading chem tuition tmr. i've not done my sincejuneholsdued assignment and i think i'm the only one left! even the guys has handed it up. (omitting the fact that there're very few of them and they ALL are super guai)

training tmr at mrc. hmmm =/

happy 40th national birthday! :)

(in corresponse to the enthusiastic liz. you're the 1s girl right?)

mum was driving aimlessly. 'medical history' was revived back.
it'll be great to meet Him earlier
it'll be wonderful then i wouldn't have to study or (train) or stress anymore
life will just be marvelous praising him day and day

but the thought of it makes my heart ache.
i mean i nvr know when i'll leave
it kept attacking me and there's nothing wrong in my body the doc can find fault with
this might happen one day and my eyes will nvr see e earthly wonders anymore
........... SEE. i'm not making any sense

i think God is trying to tell me to appreciate my life more
and make PROPER use of it . yes

just an easy childish meaningful song to be brought forth

Jesus loves me, this i know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones who Him he loves(i nvr figured what that last word was)
They are weak but He is strong

so little were we when we learnt this song about God's assured love. and now 10 yrs down the road, you start doubting him. i see the 'brainwashing' back then wasn't really good eh?

(i'm feeling dead, literately)

i dont like that false front i put in front of -
boo ._.

it always happens to me. i finally get the opportunity to talk to my close friend after so long. all i want to do is just talk and talk and catch up. but i get lost in my pool of my thoughts and have nothing to say.

i hate that feeling.

i dont think i deserve the role as a prefect. or prefect trainee as you'd call it. i'm not doing anything right as one besides dutifully going down for assembly on time and patrolling the general office area guai-ly. but that's with a bunch of other people.

i'm so going to fail emath. ARGH my a1. damn it. i was so confident before the test to get at least 77.5%. from then i understood how impt a 5 min can be. just give me 5 min. and i'd be able to secure my a1. gee. it's super sad. #@*(#&@ ARRGH. screw the table (=/)

trg on monday was good. just that my timings were way off(1 min slower than usual? lol) my aim that day was just to finish the workout without walking. coach was running with me quite a fair bit and discussed abt the team. and truthfully, with his presence, i could run much better. just like how i'd be motivated to run faster with mr ng around. or with any other teammate beside me actually. (just realised i've not ran with anybody at mr for quite some time) when mr q left me to run on my own, i drastically slowed down. i was thinking, if i get inspired merely by my coach's presence, what more God's? he's by my side everytime including now. so i visualised an imaginery person beside me and began talking to God mentally. (it's so much easier actually) it was difficult at first but when i was getting the hang of it and started opening up, mr quek came back. and opening up was so much easier. my aim for the next run will be talking to God throughout the route. wheee

thinking abt yesterday night brings back happy memories. i was at the beginning of my revision for today's emath test and i dont know what got to me; i brought the scissors i already was playing with to the toilet and started snipping my hair all over. so now my hair is super messy and layered. ahahha. it's quite funny. i shall take it that it was an act of impulsion due to stress. i must admit i like my new hair though. lol ok it still looks the same but knowing that you 'cut' your own hairstyle out(i didnt do much to it),brings a sense of accomplishment. my head will swell if someone compliments my hair. haha!

all the best for elective tmr! i shall aim to fail. if i fail, yay i hit my target. if i dont hit my aim, YAY i passed!

rachel wang asked me to update.

today's speaker was good. he spoke from the heart and clearly the words he spoke were of God's.

Prayer is
Seeing what God sees
Hearing what God says
Doing what God would do
And --- (i forgot)

God is a friend of yours, but will you be a friend of His?
being a friend of God is not only asking him for this and that but hearing what he has to say to us.
being a friend is having a two way relationship. yes, you talk to him. but you have to let him talk too.
being a friend means confiding in each other. God wants to confide in us and that is prayer.
being a friend requires trust from both sides.

that was just a small part of what i've learnt. and comparing what i retained in my mind to the other things he said, they're, yea, just a small part. i guess my brain isn't some powerful tool that can rmb everything.

thank you (God) for bringing this man to our church. i pray that he'll be able to come back soon to preach your word to us again.

Aiming to lead a purposeful week for the Lord
(one week down the lane, i'd be here again recounting the past week. i hope i dont disappoint myself, esp the Lord-my best friend)

[oh yeah. i wanna add one more reason to the long list for my screwing up of natls 05. it was a difficult transition from cdiv to bdiv. the people were more competitive and i was with charissa at the beginning. it was qutie difficult. cos i was focusing more on her rather than the race in front of me. and i TALKED to her at abt the 400m mark.)

Phillipians 3:13
"Forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what is ahead."

i'm gonna leave my ugly past and start fresh anew for this new exciting coming week that God has installed for me. care to embark this wonderful journey with me?

crap. he DID note the timing. but he knows hotmail.com can get quite screwed =x just that it isn't.

yay tmr's sat! :D :D :D can't wait can't waaaaaaaait

oh maan. i can't express my anxiety here on this blog nor in person. i think i
am
FALLING SICK =/
oh no. ohno.
~he's gonna KILL me.

pls pray for me! i still have a bright future ahead of me and deserve more yrs here on earth.

told you rach, it's short :)
ok i think i'm super smart. i sent an email to mrquek at 12 plus! i hope when he reads the email, he doesnt take note of the time **** haha

continue training hard guys!

third session and we've made our debut
it's a record eh lol
focus during training ah ! :)

i'm making my presence felt. gonna do lit essay if the ling gan comes later. it has not been making its daily visits since 2 wks ago. anyway talk to me! my tagboard is so dead :(

today's trg
was.very.
no.super.
no.ultra.
DIRTY
o.O


AAAAAH that's so cool! there's the do re mi thing up there on that short //graph :D ok maybe it's mi re do. one thing bad abt being a senior is that you can't complain abt a tough workout or if there're more strengthenings to do. or maybe u can =/ anyhow, i did complain. waliaoo. the lunges were killer. or maybe it's my shoe. naughty shoe. i'm gonna chuck you aside now for you to rot. muahahha. i'm getting NEW SHOES :P:P:P wheeeeeeeee. i'm SO excited. i'm gonna look SO cool in it. asics :) no wait. i am naturally cool. the water at macritchie is super nice.very refreshing. or maybe cos i was(am) hot so the normaltemp. water felt so cooling.

i think this smile :) is so bimbo. hahaha. and this XD or x) is so fake. arggh. (: looks manipulated. what else. =) looks so pri sch.(by now, i think you can tell i'm quite high. cos there's physics test tmr? ahahahha. i've not studied)

OHYES. my sis said she's 80% coming to cross next yr!! that's if she doesn't make it to the bowling team. so she's confirm coming to cross. i dont know whether to be excited or... ?!?!? arrghh. i kept telling her all the bad stuff abt cross. ahaha. it's so weird to have a sis in cross. dan might beg to differ. but that's cos dav is nice! my sis is so different. she doesn't cling on to me. she ignores me like i'm some stupid senior that her friends adore. then she'll bitch abt me so they wldnt like me. and she cant stand it when her friends 'suck up' to me. or when i call her friends cute. she'll start bitching abt them. sickening. ok guess what. i'm starting to act like my sis. ahahhaa. aiyah it's her decision if she's gonna come to the mgx family or not. it'll be fun anyway :P

"aaAH i did extra squats!"
:never mind. it's free

who ever has met such a coach like that. hahahaha.

thank you ben for your reprimand.
i know you talk like that to me becos we are very close friends and brothers.
sometime we are in the business world for too long that i am doing something what is natural and legal....
it is like knowing how to avoid tax..legally.................
so i have really lost touch with the christian ways that i have hurt a brother's thought unknowing.

still i ask if you could share some of your jevan's needs
and i try to fit in .

God bless you.

ian

----- Original Message -----
From: ben
To: ian

Subject: RE: Re
Dear Ian,

I am very surprised that I always hear from you that you will want me to take funds from your company so that your company income tax will be lesser.
When God gave His only Son for us there was no condition. It was an unconditional love for us. The early Christians gave because they saw something greater in their giving of sharing what God has given to them.

I firmly believe that although I would love to have your investment in this time but if I will to go by your way the Lord will not be pleased.
I would rather that you keep your money and I will seek the Lord for other people to supply the Kingdom needs.
I know that this will cause you to think that I am very cranky. But I believe when God closes one window, He will open another window for His glory and also for me to know Him better.
I am asking you if you want to give that you will give willingly and cheerful out of your own pocket because that is what the Lord requires of.

Thanking you once again for being interested in certain ways,
Ben

*names have been changed

ben's a church helper while ian a businessman who used to be very involved in church too. but backslided a lot due to the sins of this world, money. i find this extract very poignant. it's just so touching to see a mature adult, so successful in his career, realising his mistake; wanting to repent. as a saying goes, you may be very successful in life but you may not have fulfilled your purpose in life.

sorry dad for reading your email ._. it was unintentional with a misclicked of my finger