went for the f1 ytd. good experience but not sth to be endeavoured on a day when you wake up at 6am...

anyway, went to watch sunig aqua ytd and i saw a very very intimate scene between mentor and an athlete. must talk abt this some day. its so sacred that i wna be more clear headed before attempting to put it in words

Met herrrrro aft work tdy to travel down for trng tgt. I got a bit too affected at sth and closed up all doors and holes. This apparently caused my actions to be very very hurtful thus making herrrro defensive and closed up too. 

I couldnt take it after a while and asked to talk abt it ;

It made me very sad... Thinking about how two people who care and love each other would bear to hurt each other. Why are we like that? :(

After a while, we managed toclear things up but whats impt is how to resolve this issue. To come up with an action plan lest we encounter such a situation again. I got very frustrated after a while because i couldnt think of anything (his behaviour, mine as well, so difficult to do sth about)..

I shared my frustrations and 'if we dontkmow howto deal w this, we will keep encountering this. And one day we will decide that its better to leave each other than cause more hurt. 

We were both tired by then. Thankfully he said that...and made me uds that i cant expect too much of a person at 1am... 

He ended with: dont worry, we will come up with a soln for this. We will get through this together alright?

:'( i really hope we do...

Couldnt bear to end the night off like that so i ditched my pride, walked over awkwardly and gave him a hug before leaving. I hope he understands what i meant by the hug... Cos im still trying to figure out what i meant by that 

I used to like scrolling through my blog and read through old posts. However, i do not enjoy the process as much over the past few months... Realised that it is because ,when i started dating this boy and getting closer to him, i only blog when i am upset or have disagreements. So this blog becomes a drag and mood depresser to read. My rship w heeeerrrro isnt all that sad, we do have many many happy times and really care and love each other :) 

Few months back, i told him spontaneously: i want to create many beautiful happy fun memories together!

To which he responded: what kind?:)

This is how our rship is most of the time.. I make requests, and he goes out of his way to accommodate.. Makes me feel bad. But every time he does, im very grateful for him being by my side. Hes a gem:) 

We have done many crazy things tgt.. (Sometimes too crazy that i become oblivious to my surroundings, irritate others and gets him into a disapproving mood)

Once in a while, we have some quiet chill time too and chat about random things (still amazes me how we can talk so much x( ) we just went to a cafe over the  weekend! It was so so nice. If only sgp had more of the melb cafe culture! Ie including the weather haha!

Going for a walk together at melb i think this was to brighton beach. We started running tgt aft a while cos we wanted to catch the sunset+got too bored at the slow walking pace. Hahaha! We two were too unfit but it was just so hilarious at the thought of chasing the sunset we kept laughing :p

We are very cultured too. Getting absorbed into art and history

We do get on each others nerves but... Ultimately we seek to learn about each others ideologies, way of life, thinkings, and try to accommodate and live with together. Because this is what its about huh? About growing up, 'getting things straight, working hard at one not easily earned opportunity and get on with what life truly is about'. 

Heres to us: (ps this is written in 10min and veryvery spontaneously so forgive this poor expressed prose. The bottomline of this msg is: thank you God for alexander, you're an angel to me. Thanks for sticking around despite everything, thanks for opening up your life to me and letting me love you.)

'If you tell someone that you will meet them at a certain time, you have essentially made them a promise. And if you say you’ll be there at 8:00, and yet arrive at 8:15, you have essentially broken that promise.'

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/07/16/a-man-is-punctual-the-importance-of-being-on-time/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/07/18/a-man-is-punctual-the-reasons-youre-late-and-how-to-always-be-on-time/

thanks for this.

haha, dad saw me and was so, so shocked.. wanted to tell him everything but stopped short because of the looming...nag that i so am sick of hearing the past 15 years of my life..

anyway .he made me - about this for the...3rd to 4th time. dont know whether he knows that his words hurt more than help; making me feel like rebelling and going the other way more. at least it wasn't bad as that melb night where i could not sleep at all and couldnt get out of bed that morning.

' because i know you can do better
 because i know you are capable
 because i know you can do it'
http://behindthehustle.com/2013/08/10-choices-you-will-regret-in-10-years/

/Yeah its not about just tahan-ing for the sake of the marriage certificate or children, but actually living out the commitments made and preserving the sanctity of the union. Tough luck man. I used to think that's the only thing that can make me leave my spouse. But over the years I have realised that him breaking his commitment to you does not nullify your commitment to him/

'through thick and thin'..

didnt see it that way

'My parents divorced when I was 12 and I was pretty upset when they divorced but eventually got over it. Like my mother, I grew up to be a strong willed and independent woman. But unfortunately, I also found out that like my mother, I also could not hold a relationship. When I hit 30, I hit a crisis and it was then that I studied myself and realized that I've had a long history of non-commital relationships stemmed from my fear of separation. My mother and I talked and worked through it and we definitely are stronger, however, she mentioned many times that she never knew. Hell, I never knew. I'm sure you're a great mother and I have much respect for single parents, but please don't assume that your daughter is ok because she smiles, and hugs, jokes around, is loving and says she's fine. Because some scars don't go away so easily.'

i shld talk about it excitedly right? such questions should get me all happy and woozy and excited.

definitely not exasperated... :((

This is gorgeous...

till then.... :)

'Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.'

-so apt... :) (if you do come here... love these stuff and just had to copy and put them here for log sake!) feel so hopeful every time after browsing (your) tumblr... :)

cos i'm so prideful, i initially took things very very negatively. was stubborn as hell not to listen to what he said and dismiss his words as insults (which i did feel insulted by... but lets just look past that because 'if there are many ways to interpret what i say, i mean it in the least harmful way ever'). but odd was so patient and soft with his tone, as compared to his initial harsher one, that i felt that i had to stop looking inward and look at him. am still so embarrassed by what happened to me that he had to offer his help but .i'm very grateful for odd.

when i looked at his face, a phrase he once said to me flashed across my mind:

'but i'm still here after all these while, am i not.'

not said lovingly as he was very frustrated with me then... but the way he said it made me realise how fortunate i am. that no matter what wrong i've done/i'd do in my life, this is one person that should not be a part of that.

ytd, fangka and i chanced upon a youtube video titled (something like) : tyra banks losing her cool on antm. the scenario was as such: a girl was kicked out of antm and gng ard giving her goodbye hugs. instead of the crying, defeated stance that kicked-out-girls usually display, she was cracking jokes in an obvious attempt to ease the tense situation. tyra was watching all the while and couldnt take that the girl didnt seem upset. she called her back to the stage and told her that she was disappointed. the girl spoke up in defence which angered tyra so much that she said :

the way i am shouting at you right now is like how my mother would shout at me. because she loves me; because she knows that i am capable of much more. we (the judging panal) were all rooting for you. dont give me crap about things not being in your favour. if you wanted this, you should have worked for it ,hard. then you'd succeed. the only reason you failed is because you didnt put your heart in this. we all know you are capable.  you only have yourself to blame.

was struck by the video cos firstly, cmon admit it: a person behaving out of anger is hilaaarioussss. we dont know what humour is present but the words,actions, posture employed...just so ridiculously funny. secondly, tyra struck me as someone who'd never lose her cool. thirdly, that scene was impromptu and the speech she gave was brilliant. so logical and meaningful and well put ... ok yknow what, just watch the video.

it's a conscious decision