past few days have been really tough
there's no time to think about the failure
when i finally do have time, it's just the wrong time to think about it
personally, i've not given much thought about the shit i gave

i'm not sad about nationals
i'm not heck about it
it's probably depression
i'm drowning in failure and sorrow
i don't know how it feels like

13th was my very first time experiencing self failure
guilt & remorse
i can't cry and let it all out
i tried to vomit all my feelings out
i just cant

every now and then
all these feelings sink in again, it overwhelms me so greatly
like the way an adrenaline rush would do
nothing i do can take these feelings away

some people are sensitive to my feelings and not talk about it
others scrutinize the other racers telling me they failed
as if i didn't
most tell me as long i did my best it's ok
but it isn't

i can't waste anymore time brooding over it
exams are approaching so soon

if i had known
only 6 people to overtake
why didn't i tell myself to push all the way
why did i give up even before the race ended
why did i let them overtake me?
why didn't i give chase

i wasn't in pain
i felt well
i was determined to win
i was only breathing hard
why didn't i remind myself that running naturally makes u breath hard
i've let my seniors down

i ran past our star runner
i should have known the results now lay in my hands
ah forget it no use brooding over it
i feel so emotionless ._.