crap. he DID note the timing. but he knows hotmail.com can get quite screwed =x just that it isn't.

yay tmr's sat! :D :D :D can't wait can't waaaaaaaait

oh maan. i can't express my anxiety here on this blog nor in person. i think i
am
FALLING SICK =/
oh no. ohno.
~he's gonna KILL me.

pls pray for me! i still have a bright future ahead of me and deserve more yrs here on earth.

told you rach, it's short :)
ok i think i'm super smart. i sent an email to mrquek at 12 plus! i hope when he reads the email, he doesnt take note of the time **** haha

continue training hard guys!

third session and we've made our debut
it's a record eh lol
focus during training ah ! :)

i'm making my presence felt. gonna do lit essay if the ling gan comes later. it has not been making its daily visits since 2 wks ago. anyway talk to me! my tagboard is so dead :(

today's trg
was.very.
no.super.
no.ultra.
DIRTY
o.O


AAAAAH that's so cool! there's the do re mi thing up there on that short //graph :D ok maybe it's mi re do. one thing bad abt being a senior is that you can't complain abt a tough workout or if there're more strengthenings to do. or maybe u can =/ anyhow, i did complain. waliaoo. the lunges were killer. or maybe it's my shoe. naughty shoe. i'm gonna chuck you aside now for you to rot. muahahha. i'm getting NEW SHOES :P:P:P wheeeeeeeee. i'm SO excited. i'm gonna look SO cool in it. asics :) no wait. i am naturally cool. the water at macritchie is super nice.very refreshing. or maybe cos i was(am) hot so the normaltemp. water felt so cooling.

i think this smile :) is so bimbo. hahaha. and this XD or x) is so fake. arggh. (: looks manipulated. what else. =) looks so pri sch.(by now, i think you can tell i'm quite high. cos there's physics test tmr? ahahahha. i've not studied)

OHYES. my sis said she's 80% coming to cross next yr!! that's if she doesn't make it to the bowling team. so she's confirm coming to cross. i dont know whether to be excited or... ?!?!? arrghh. i kept telling her all the bad stuff abt cross. ahaha. it's so weird to have a sis in cross. dan might beg to differ. but that's cos dav is nice! my sis is so different. she doesn't cling on to me. she ignores me like i'm some stupid senior that her friends adore. then she'll bitch abt me so they wldnt like me. and she cant stand it when her friends 'suck up' to me. or when i call her friends cute. she'll start bitching abt them. sickening. ok guess what. i'm starting to act like my sis. ahahhaa. aiyah it's her decision if she's gonna come to the mgx family or not. it'll be fun anyway :P

"aaAH i did extra squats!"
:never mind. it's free

who ever has met such a coach like that. hahahaha.

thank you ben for your reprimand.
i know you talk like that to me becos we are very close friends and brothers.
sometime we are in the business world for too long that i am doing something what is natural and legal....
it is like knowing how to avoid tax..legally.................
so i have really lost touch with the christian ways that i have hurt a brother's thought unknowing.

still i ask if you could share some of your jevan's needs
and i try to fit in .

God bless you.

ian

----- Original Message -----
From: ben
To: ian

Subject: RE: Re
Dear Ian,

I am very surprised that I always hear from you that you will want me to take funds from your company so that your company income tax will be lesser.
When God gave His only Son for us there was no condition. It was an unconditional love for us. The early Christians gave because they saw something greater in their giving of sharing what God has given to them.

I firmly believe that although I would love to have your investment in this time but if I will to go by your way the Lord will not be pleased.
I would rather that you keep your money and I will seek the Lord for other people to supply the Kingdom needs.
I know that this will cause you to think that I am very cranky. But I believe when God closes one window, He will open another window for His glory and also for me to know Him better.
I am asking you if you want to give that you will give willingly and cheerful out of your own pocket because that is what the Lord requires of.

Thanking you once again for being interested in certain ways,
Ben

*names have been changed

ben's a church helper while ian a businessman who used to be very involved in church too. but backslided a lot due to the sins of this world, money. i find this extract very poignant. it's just so touching to see a mature adult, so successful in his career, realising his mistake; wanting to repent. as a saying goes, you may be very successful in life but you may not have fulfilled your purpose in life.

sorry dad for reading your email ._. it was unintentional with a misclicked of my finger

(dont read it =x)

first impression from afar: an ex proded natl tennis player. retired from the competition field, from his old job. now a retiree with no income, he decides to come mgs to trian the tennis team.

turned out to be my new coach, Mr Quek.

anyway i'm not being mean abt the impression i first got from him. he was so far and all i could see was his yonex bag.

so today was the day. things were going fine in the morning during sch. i wasn't even bothered abt the fact that i didnt study ting xie, again. it seemed that God made special arrangements for me so that i'll have a smooth day; before i met him.

as i said, i was very nervous. even more scared then how i'll feel for a first date. i think i caught it from sheryl; i almost cried when mr ng was talking cos i was really really really scared. and so promptly at 3.30pm, he arrived. interacted for a while then made our way to the pe teacher's room. had some theory work which was really different for me. i thought the graph he drew was really effective. i'm not comparing the two coaches i had but mr quek seems more focused and like the type that will stand firm on his beliefs. you ask him a qn, he'll give you an ans and will stick to it no matter what others say. what he said does 'make sense' :) hahah he's fave phrase. can see he's really passionate abt changing our lifes, for the better.

if he has kids, they are one bunch of really lucky pple. a pity he isnt a christian. i dont know why but i felt so shy in front of him. dont have to tell me. i could tell i was blushing.my face felt so warm when i was talking to him. i dont know if it's sch pressure or what but i was so tensed. the funniest thing was that he thought i wasn't ok when i was actually stoning. he's a very..observant man. he picks up many little details. another thing, he does not use bombastic words, like other speakers, nor raises his voice, like other speakers who try to hard. yet he motivates people well. why you ask. he reasons out whatever he says. when he states a point, he'll support it with evidence. and it are the ones that we can relate to.

training was good. just that we ended quite late. right now, all that is in my mind is something else not abt trg but something along that line

"Even too many good cooks spoil the broth."

i guess as rachwang says, it takes time. i may be one of those slower ones but never mind. that isnt hindering me. i'm going to continue striving hard for my goal and make my mark. yea! rach is a good advisor.

went for acjc guitar ensemble too! with rachlee x) spoke quite a bit to her. we both were complaining abt the _____ of a captain. i guess i'm not the only one feeling it. had a great time with her. it's embarrassing to go for these things with rach. she sings at the wrong time and with the wrong volume too hahahaha. 4s row down and the guy can even hear her.

"Take responsibility for all the vicissitudes of your life. Don't blame others for your misfortunes. It's not:
the system,
the school,
the teachers,
your friends.
It's not your parents.
It is about you."
-Lee Hsien Loong; Prime Minister of Spore(2004- )

stupid friend. just tempted me to go turfcity TO RUN tmr morning. baaah. i could go tmr, climb the highest level and watch the sky. i miss turfcity so much. i miss bdiv05 so so much. i miss the old crossteam so so so much when renuka's batch was still here. i shldnt have taken advantage of her(their) presence. i miss my old innocent self so^4 much.

yes it's true. mr ng has seen it, so does my friends. i've changed so much since sec1. i've came so far since then and there's no turning back. but this responsibility is too much for me to handle in this competitive "me first" society.

i'm looking forward to natls next yr. top 3. can do? top 2 is actually more realistic :) come on mg

cross. with a total number of 22 girls running in bdiv, the competition was a tensed yet relaxing one. top 20 girls will get a prize. so i was preeeetty confident to get one. i was super scared before the race. firstly because it's 3.6km! so i was kinda aiming 16plus, which i missed by 2 sec. 17.01. secondly, i've nvr been to bedok reservoir before. thirdly, i did not even know where the stupid finish line is! there wasn't any indication at all. no one gave any teeny weeny hint. they want to kill us. fourthly, i've not been training and i dont like racing unprepared.

so anyway, jackson bdiv had the minimum no of members:franky, tessa, weixin and me.

reached bedok, happy :) the rain stopped. warm up TWO mins, did a few stretches, got bored, went to the starting line. little did we know the rest were making their way to the starting line as well. starting line=common area. so the teachers decided to start the comp. cant rmb how they started us off. but anyhow, we started running with the c div cheering us. "go ___!" yayaya you guys wanna chase us away to the scary boring woods and make us suffer. lol

at the beginning of the flat route, as usual weilin was in front, widening the gap with every step. tricia and i were next. w one girl at my far left. after i dont know how long, weilin was a little in front, followed by me and the rest followed through. but this 2ndplacestardom didnt last long. jing had to come and break it. to make matters worse, weilin turned back and smiled a 'where were u' face. then jing laughed. yes, she LAUGHED. while running a quicker pace than i was which i was already struggling in. ok so weilin's sprinting partner, jing, caught up and they both proceeded to do their thing, leaving me behind. i decided not to pace them purely for the reason because i'm sane. then uhh aiyah the route was super boring lah. but it's a good racing ground. can chiong all the way. it's just FLAT GROUND for the entire route with puddles here and there due to the passing rain. oh yea there was one time we didnt run on that flat pebbled ground track. it was abt 50m on road. aiyah/i felt i could have caught up with them in front but i didnt want to exert too much and find 1km more ahead of me.

there was one point of time i was practically alone, or so i thought. i heard footsteps behind, hard breathing echoes and an imaginary shadow in front of me. i did not want to be overtaken so i started accelerating, in hope of 'shaking that person off'. but 'she' did not give up. she followed closely behind. i began breathing harder, so did her. i was pushing way beyond what i wanted myself to do and gave up after a while. i slowed down, comforting myself that it's just a pointless competition. but i could still hear the pressurizing footsteps. i was irritated because(aiyah u caught up with me to overtake right. now i'm letting you and u still want to stay behind?!) i dared not turn behind in fear of worsening my breathing difficulty. i started opening up again when i regained back my energy.
then i hit the road.
the sound of the footsteps were gone, suddenly. after plucking up whatever minimal courage i had left, i took a peek behind. there was no one. i had been alone all this while.

skip skip skip skip. finished the race. fooled ard. watched stef and 'piong' try to do a one leg squat. stretched. compared heights with weilin. we're both as tall! but everyone agrees i look taller :P cheryl tay's 1 cm taller than us. so unbelievable haha. boarded e bus. was stopped by mr ng. he made me sit alone in front. wanted to talk to me. i sat there, waited. nth. then he distributed food amongst the pple in front happily, like nth scary is gonna happen though i was trembling at my seat. he kept giving the 'you are so doomed muahahaha' smirk. decided to offer me a 2nd piece before the ~scary thing`^. like my 'last meal(food)' before i die. wait wait wait so long he just sat at the opposite seat and kept quiet. so i slept. turned out he was waiting for the 'right moment'. i wonder when it is.

so now i have to see him before trg tmr, somehow. i got some prefect's duty straight after sch n I NEED FOOD . by the time i'm changed, it's 3.

ok esther. so there. that was what happened during interhousecross :P

(it's not for anybody to read to get an update of my life.
i'm too tired to write in my log book already. aaah legs so shagged)

1.2k, 4:53:97

i shall assume that i'm happy with my timing since i've not been having proper trg. last trg i had with the team was 11th june, mrr. and i also ran alone at queenstown stadium which i wldnt count. so, yes =/ i'm satisfied with my timing. i was aiming for 6min anyway. i didn't expect a 4: 50+ actually. it's so queer. so maybe that's why i'm so neutral abt today. i had the usual 'shit i could have pushed more' after crossing the finish line. but as i said, ah..heck. i always get this feeling when i run according to time :/ at least i sped up at the last round la. 7 secs. boo. mr ng was so pressurising when we embarked on our last round of the 'for fun' time trial. "come on. keep up if you need to. it's your last round." it wasn't directly to me. i mean all of us wld interprete it differently. for me, i pressumed he was asking me to keep up with the pack in front, who've -.- been trg for the past few wks. oh well, passion. i'd say i caught up with you guys cos i had the hunger for it. it's not cos i'm 'pro'. i wanted to make my first training a success. my desire for a gd timing was far greater than yours. your desire is probably wearing off since it's the dont-know-what-th trg. dont worry guys. dont despair. it's only 1200. it's too short for us lah. besides, we've around 8-9mths to natls? :)

ahhhh. i just love trg. i miss it so much! i'm so glad i'm permantly back in cross now. improve and reach your limits, mgx. expand your capability. let's work as one and help the stumbled up to their feet again. simultaneously, i'm gonna hit the books too, soon. genius&topstudentinelevel in the making(the act that results in something coming to be) good nitos.

oh if you're wondering, i dont write that long for my logbook x)

-.- cck stadium is huge

and for the second time in the yr, thank you ac.
thank you for cheering us on despite the fact that we weren't doing as well as the rest of the ac family.

i don't feel like crossing the barrier going over to the 'greener grass' anymore. acjc does things that are much more commendable than rj. it is the true ac spirit that keeps the sch going, i realise. cheering each other on even with a 2nd. raffles were so quiet when acsi beat them for overall bdiv champ. oh well. we did cheer for them :p indirectly

ok now that natls are over, time to FOCUS on thy faithful books lying at the corner of the table awaiting my golden touch. ok not really. swim natls did not even start for me.

(i dont know whether to be happy for their arrival, or angry)

danielle: anglo chinese girls sounds nice but acgs?! are u nuts. acgs and scgs are so similar! YUCK. no way. next time for easy way out, just shout method method method! la. 3 syllabies 'methodist' too long already. lol. my voice is perfectly fine and yes i DID cheer :) weak throat lah dan, admit it :P

Wouldn't it be nice if the world were crossies
Running everyday would be so fine
(this was the part when we went totally off tune. i'm serious! u listen to the tv ad then our singing see how off lah)
At Turf city, NIE and MacRitchie
With our very nice coach, tommy..
Wouldn't it be nice :)

crossies are so supportive and sporting. i can't wait for social day haha. the crossies that went for trg today will be compelled to go for social day. hahahahah trg today was uber fun. plus studying with joy and the beautiful *gasp* silence.

Things that seems nothing great to you, might mean a lot to another.

heymath test due in close to 27hrs? plus crazy load of work. sorting out sports carnival stuff (thanks squashies for helping us ! :)) and lending a listening ear to everybody who needs one to complain to (i'm not pinpointing any indiv. cos it's def. more than 2) i realise i appreciate my life more like that. haha =/

one question. why didnt anyone think of victoria ng when we were having the first round of prefect elections? she seems to love finding faults with her new unexperienced fresh-blooded prefect trainee in b2.

baah. i'm gonna clip my hair like siao tmr until the clips look like my hair and pull my socks all the way up like a tchs. HA! see if you can spite the trainee again xP (note that tchs doesnt exist anymore so i'm not insulting anyone. besides, there's nth wrong with high socks :))

today's 100m free heats was x_x oh well. at least i only deproved by 1s major =/. chris and marianne got into finals! yay. i wonder when my hands and legs will be able to conjunct with my brain. i can nvr seem to move them as fast as my brain tells them to. people think i'm slacking when i'm actually pushing myself. ok lah. a little. SEE. aiyah there's no sense of urgency. so crap (i'm watching what i say)

i found a new way home from tp! whoo, i feel smart. so excited for swimming tmr! gonna have esther for company hahha. ok it sounds wrong
50 breast tmr. 46. go tiff. (aye it's good enough for a person who cant do 10 proper 'men push ups' who has not been trg who..uh. has some mental prob)

packing my bag for swimming heats tmr. so it means going through the whole day virtually, systematically to see what logistics i'll require. haywired i know, memories from this yr's crosscountry natls were revived.

oooh. i MISS natls. i miss trg. i really miss x trg. i really miss pushing myself to the limit. i ... i.. MISS TRG SO MUCH. wooooo. hahahahha i'm going nuts. and amanda yong is SUPER funny. she gets amused at pple doing push ups. esp the diamond type hahahahha. stupid ashlee simspons. crap. i dont know the correct spelling xD WAHHAHA. ok sleeping time x)

crap. i think in my agony of typing an impressive email, i sent a super cocky-sounding sms to a friend. if you do ever come here, i'm really sorry abt it. i was under so much self pressure i just forgot abt my whole self being of a mere girl in comparison to my father. sorry.

i do know that stress is made by God to mold us into his perfect image but i think i'm breaking under the load it's giving me. oh Lord, please teach me to walk in your ways