oh yeah i forgot to add, the singers in Avalon are really good. blessed with greaaaat voices .

Testify To Love
by Avalon

All the colors of the rainbow,
All the voices of the wind;
Every dream that reaches out,
That reaches out to find where love begins;
Every word of every story,
Every star in every sky,
Every corner of creation lives to testify

Chorus:
For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love.
I'll be a witness in the silences
When words are not enough.
With every breath I take,
I will give thanks to God above.
For as long as I shall live,
I will testify to love.

From the mountains to the valleys,
From the rivers to the sea (rivers to the seas);
Every hand that reaches out,
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace (give peace);
Every simple act of mercy,
Every step to kingdom come (kingdom come);
All the hope in every heart will speak what love has done.

Chorus

Bridge
Colors of the rainbow
Voices of the wind
Dream that reaches out where love begins
Word of every story
Star in every sky
Corner of creation testify
Mountains to the valleys
Rivers to the sea
Hand that reaches out to offer peace
Simple act of mercy
Step to kingdom come
Every heart will speak
Of what love has done
Colors of the rainbow
Voices of the wind
Dream that reaches out where love begins
Word of every story
Star in every sky
Corner of creation testify

Chorus 2x

Testify your love
testify your truth
testify your life
Your love and mercy x2

listen to the song here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=4hriMsufJBc
i dont know how else to get hold of the song on the computer.very meaningful song. this is like our life's goal; to be a testimony of love. it's amazing how God will go through so much pain just for us kids.

i must start practicing love so i cant contradict myself and complain abt someone. but i'm really upset with him. i really really am. and i'm so upset now that i don't want to study anymore. to think i made such great sacrifices... sighhh. at the same time, i feel like i'm being a spoilt kid here(okay, i know i am being one) so i shall not be upset anymore and study even harder. i'm doing all these for the Lord, man..not for man; and certainly not for him.

omg... prison break!!! it was so terrifying or as chris puts it ; adrenaline pumping. ya the way he puts it seems more like it. there's encore on sat at 4pm. go watttchhhh! anyways i was reading an email and i thought these few quotes were worth quoting . no hidden messages or intentions whatsoever. enjoy:

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

okay that's it. hahaa the rest of the 'quotes' aren't that thought-provoking. the email also has the 'smiley face' heart with a poem in it. it's so nostalgic man. cos i rmbing getting an email with the same heart too; 3 yrs ago! i miss being young. i'm 16. i'm old.

"When I saw you,I was scared to talk to you.
When i first talked to you,
I was scared to kiss you.
When i first kissed you,(this part is just weird lah)
I was scared to love you.
Now that I love you
I'm scared to lose you."

so scared to lose you. so sweeeet. hahahhaha okay i'm going nuts. see!! prison break makes people high. wheee. hahahhaa. MEIJIN IS GOING ON AND ON AND ON..... about how HOT and GOOD LOOKING Wentworth Miller is. i think we exchanged at least 10 smses in 1/2hr man! hahahha. 'your taste not bad leh tiff.' hahahaaa! hold on, i sound like i'm insane abt him too. let me clarify, i just think he's good looking. there are so many good looking guys in the world so that's okay. but my fellow mate here is seriously going hysterical. she's going nuts abt him. she say she wants to marry him . hahaha! shes so funny :D

yesterday's highlight of the day was surreal. it felt like it didn't happen at all, yet it has impacted me greatly; till now. this feeling, however, is not something of what i feel after i've ran a super good race or anything. it's something more personal, emotional and lasting. i don't want to elaborate too much on it because i dont want to be reminded of this(as in the situation) ever again. but if you guys come here (though i highly doubt it), thanks for the love.

(dont read on if you're busy man! haha)
actually then again, after reading Bev's email abt the little boy who had to throw a brick at the rich guy to get his attention, i might as well not leave any blanks. what i mean is that God has placed in my life many wonderful people to help me along my life and to pick me up when i'm down; yet i don't see them or rather i choose not to see them. God has to use such force to push me to the brick of tears, so that i can learn that i can't stand alone. i can't function by myself. no can work on their own.

jesse and shern organised for a grp prayer before church ytd for the a and o level takers.

i was half an hour late cos my parents were arguing in the morning. daddy couldnt be bothered to cont the argument after a while and went to the carpark with rachel, ryan and i following after. after about 10 minutes did janell then come down. when daddy saw her, his face twisted. he was infuriated. he shouted for her to stand in front of him. jan normally will ignore him(shes the only one that dares do that) but she could tell he wldnt stand for that attitude now so she obeyed. and at the same time, explained to daddy why she was late. but daddy wldnt stand for any explanation. he just cut in and shouted like crazy.(at this pt of time, jan was crying like nobody's business. and it's really scary bcos she doesnt ever cry)

the journey to church was excruciating. it was dead silence. except for ryan's singing(he was in gd mood). the atmosphere trapped in the car was so tense; anger saturated. yet his innocence forbids him to understand the situation. all that mattered in his world, or in a 2yr old child's world, is his barney and nemo. the contrast between what was going on in his mind and what was going on in the car was...so great. i really dont know how to explain that feeling. actually to some extent, i shld not be affected at all since it's my sister who's getting the scoldings and it's an everyday affair that pa and ma quarrel. it's probably that i dont talk abt it at all (in fact, i dont even talk abt any heart matters to anyone), all those bottled feelings started erupting.

i finally went for the grp prayer. it felt so reassuring. everyone was talking to God, telling Him how stressed we were and how much we need His strength to help us. the wind was comforting to touch and everyone's sooth voices calmed me down. and you know the famous verse 'When two or more are gathered in His name, He will be there.' or smth, i really felt God. i felt so comforted despite that morning's disturbance.

after the prayers, when we went back to the social hall with the rest, i saw daddy and jan; her eyes were still red. all the emotions within suddenly me blew up and i just had to go somewhere; to run away from those bruised eyes. with Shern and Bev following after, i sobbed uncontrollably. something i nvr done before. except for another time when i did in front of mr q. i had another(family) problem to deal w at that time and Mr Q could tell smth was bothering me so he kept pressing me to tell him. and it was kept within for so long, i just burst it out. bev and shern sat next to me, prayed for me, talked to me and kept quiet. as in, two of them were next to me, keeping quiet and doing nothing while i conted crying. i nvr had such attention or company before. yes i did have the fun company of my crazyclassmates but nvr dared to approach anyone when i needed a listening ear. i stopped halfway cos i didnt dare to waste more of their time. i felt so much better after that.shern was saying i prob felt the load of the family since i was the oldest. i do feel that; but i nvr knew how to express it to words.

i rmb bev commenting that i was very strong. i do feel that i've to put on that front man. i'm the eldest and i set an eg. to e 3 others. if i breakdown, what are they gonna do; what can they even do. but the strong frontier is breaking. the frontmen are getting tired. their swords and shields are disfiguring. there are signs of self-destruction.

smelly once said that i'm a person who's very difficult to get along with in that i don't open myself up easily. is that why i'm bestfriend-less? (i know i sound very pessimistic but who really cares)

anyhows after talking all abt it, i'm really thankful to the two of them girls :) i realise three of us were born in this church ! nvr felt such a close bond before though. i hope it lasts.

after church, jan made me follow her to a x junior's house. we travelled from harbourfront all the way to bukit batok just so jan can use a treadmill for 45mins ._. and play computer games with her friend, Rachel. that's not the worst part. we took 1.5hrs to go there. and discovered a 0.5hr route on the way back .... anyway rachs home is really nice and cosy. and her family is the type i've always longed for. her parents were home but her dad left after a while for smth. rach's mum was home busying herself in the kitchen or her room, her brother was home too lazing around. i camped myself at the dining table(rach's parents cleared the table to let me use it. so nice right) to do work while the 3 of them went to the gym. rachels mum was so accomodating. she kept popping by to see how i was doing. 'do you want a drink?' 'have you got used to this place to study?'( i was too comfortable i could have fallen asleep) 'this place is quite hot huh. okay i'll on the aircon' 'do you want me to off the aircon? is it too cold?' and her dinner was so yummy. (or maybe cos mummy nvr cooked for us 4)

do normal mothers really care that much? i always questioned God why cant my mother be normal. be normal like my friends' mothers. but as shern said, God has a plan for everything. we may not see it now but in due time, some day, all these bad situations will fit into a nice picture.

i await that day.

A Liverpool fan's Nightmare

This is a Liverpool fan's nightmare:
He finds his way into the stadium,
finds his way to the front row seat, sits down,
watches Blackburn smashing Liverpool;
beating them up down left right.
Real sweat, real tears, slither down
the likeness of a storm.
'This is not happening,' screams the fan,
'I am walking alone.'

5-0. i was so glad i had to wake up. anything...anything to just stop that NIGHTMAREEEEEEEEE. seriously, i was given front row tickets. i was so excited for the match. then i saw them getting thrashed. i still remember very clearly it was Blackburn thrashing them. the hopelessness i felt when i saw balls streaming into the net. i looked around for Captain Gerrard to save the day. but i only saw Lampard(?!??!). my blood froze. i was numbed. i was stuck to my chair. i could not move.

ohmygoodness i was so scared. i was so, so scared. i never want to have that dream again. (i have a tendency of repetitive dreams)

but anyway i went to school as planned out. there were mostly b1&3 girls. nicole amused me, meijin gave me a waterbottle, i went to see ms or...i forgot all about the dream. i was happy. then it hit me. i was stuck with an EMATH qn! everything came crashing upon me. i've a whole list of emath qns to ask somebody now.
in the evening, while watching Prison Break, i chanced upon the Bordeaux vs Liverpool match.i just had to stop after half time. it's too terrifying.

i'm really good at complaining.. i must think positive! 4.5 more weeks! wake up and work harder lah tiff...

hello

for those friends who rarely talk to me but compensate by coming here regularly, life has been------------------------. i nvr blog so long cos something wrong with my tagboard then if i still blog, i'll REALLY be talking to myself. (AHHA. i'm suddenly reminded of those colourful stripes you'll see on tv really long ago when the tv is spoilt; accompanied by the irritating buzzing sound. do you rmb those????)

-i am sleeping much later than janell but waking up same time as her to go sch. cos if mummy sends me to sch, i'll take 1hr less to reach sch. but i decided NOT TO STUDY IN SCH ANYMORE. tmr i'm just going sch to run with tricia then i'll zhao off to try some studying area. thurs i'll go back to sch to collect all my stuff, talk to teachers...basically get all my admin work in sch done so i'll only go back during o level papers

-janell and rachel is hooked on manja. fruit basket. wah really basket. jan and rach no more sch so can watch all they want. but they turn e vol so high so i kena distracted. baka

-my mum is opening a new stall at btp! level 2. go visit sometime. though theres nth much yet =x the stuff there are sooo super cheap

-i met clarissa today! to exchange math papers. she's so nice lah. she actually waited like 1/2hr for me at the bus interchange..then she still smile smile smile. i felt sooo bad.

-i miss typing. haha!

-we had 'family day' last sat and janrachandi had to do a 'speech' thing to appreciate our parents. oh maaan my mum was so touched. (i could tell =p) i felt tears coming when i saw how touched she was...but i stopped. it was instinctively. i gave mummy a hug, turned myself ard and forced the tears down. i cant believe i'm so rigid.a few mths ago, my dad and mum argued. clearly it was my mum's fault so i sat next to daddy and kept quiet.after a while i started sobbinglah. i cant stand it when they two argue. when it was over, pa asked me to take a walk with him. he told me to be strong. to never be like her when i grew up. to never treat my husband like that; never quarrel with him. (he was upset so he used quite harsh words) and lastly, he told me never to cry in front of others; to be strong. i always kept his words in mind man. never did i cry even when the situation was apt; or even when the situation called for tears. a few times, i couldn't hold back, but i tried not to let anyone see.

-------------------my life is really stale now. i've not talked to my friends for quite a while. thankfully i'm runningw tricia tmr.

oh yeah ! i still rmb the starbucks trip with hugo amanda, aud who tarnished the innocent word 'ride', and smelly whiny. hey it goes. smelly whiny :D hahahahha. we went there for lunch after they went acjc open hse. i'll really miss those buggers. studying with amanda was...not really studying. but sat studying isnt very productive so i didnt mind wasting time then. amanda kept hitting her head against the huge 'starbucks' sign. HAHAHAA. she's really such a loser :D and e songs she listens to are really...out of the world. she loves rock but i dont. so i had to live with it (i shared mp3 with her) i heard one pretty cool song though. hahaha okay i'm gonna end abruptly here ....... hahahahhahahaa.

this is an extract of my uncle's email:

"...i just got summon for driving and talking....
phone got confiscated :-("

HAHA! i thought phones could only get confiscated during secondary school. blah;' my phone is spoilt again. too much water has gone into her head the last time :( poor child

i want to watch The Kid and I after o's

i (HAPPENED) to watch The Pacifier today. it's a very touching show
now i dont feel like studying

i underestimated her.

i remembered looking at her for the first time; her handsome features left me in reverent awe. how could God ever make someone so beautiful? apprehension brought about contemplation. staring straight into her heart, i wondered what she has installed for me. a rollar coaster ride? a life of great success? i wanted to know where the relationship was heading to. i opened my mouth to speak, to break the awkward silence, but she smiled and hushed me, " don't think... just relax. enjoy the scenery."

evening comes and the sky darkens. the street lights flicker on. she is tired, so am i. as she closes her eyes, i breath a sigh of relief. gone is the conscientious effort to please her; the day has ended. i stand up to leave but hesitate. rays of moonlight peek through her branches. the orange fired sun is still hazily visible in the distance. beautiful. i heave a breathe of admiration and stand up with conviction. God's creations are really beautiful. as i take my leave, i turn back one more time; much as i hate to admit it, macritchie oozes with romanticism at night.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QmsmFW-dEkw&mode=related&search=

:) heh. i wish him all the best in his future endeavours