hello. over e past few days, i received many smses, tags and 2 emails from 2 special people in my life.abt e stupid previous posts. to all you people, thanks.
aside from all the encouragements, God has opened my eyes to the many concerned friends i have ard me.and i felt very very blessed. to people i rarely talk to, or just talk to fool ard with(those friends are really cool pple ;)), thanks for helping me. i guess i'm in a much better condition now than that day. learnt to...accept e state that i'm in. that i'm not as good as last time, or as i wish to be. but hey, i'm not giving up. at times i'll slip, but i'll raise and step up when i wake up and realise.alamak i'm not putting in my best. 2 more weeks. after that, coach says to take a break from running and totally recover from my hip strain. and so totally recover i am. i'm aiming for top5 next yr. it's my last chance.but this i'll leave for another day. thanks mates, you guys mean e world to me. thanks father, you mean my life to me.
http://redsports.sg/2007/04/22/48th-national-inter-school-cross-country-championships/
e way e writer wrote abt xcountry natls..wow. i wish i was part of e celebration too .but nah no looking back and regretting.
What struck me(one of e writers) most was the story he(C.Kunalan) told of how he left secondary school with only three ‘O’ levels. Today, Mr Kunalan is an Assistant Professor at the National Institute of Education.
So it goes to show that it doesn’t matter how you start sometimes, but how you continue and finally, how you finish.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
did i mention, as well , that i'm super damn demoralised? and sad and pissed off. so pissed off that when ww came to ask whether i was alright, i just shrugged and ignored him. and prob so that mr q came down to tell me (after he gave me a slight trashing abt my performance) that e most impt thing is to learn from this screwed up shit.i dont even know what's going on tdy. why did it even exist. damnit. i had to force down my tears when he talked to me.i didnt want to further prove e pt that i'm a wimp.a crybaby.a baby who cries over split milk.when i myself knocked the glass on purpose. and then i called a friend to straighten out my thoughts. and ended up crying. i'm really a screw up man. i'm wasting a space for track when there are people who put in much more effort than i do at trg, who want to rep the sch more than i do. and i'm not making use of this spot. i.\ah basket. now i'm rambling off abt my pathetic sick life. but why am i so sad? i didnt even put in effort. how can i expect results. i hate this feeling. screw.i havent touched econs or physics at all.
I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me
Chorus:
And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me
I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me
(Chorus)
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm
(Chorus)
I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You're strong
I'm weary
I'm holdin' on
But I feel like givin' in
But still You're with me
Chorus:
And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me
I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me
(Chorus)
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I've never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you'd see me through
The storm
(Chorus)
Sunday, June 17, 2007
" Hey! Ever wondered what it would be like to worship God as a school,
standing beside people you are not familiar with but having the same passion as you?
You may not know their names, but you know that he or she is your brother or sister in Christ
with the same Love and hunger for God! "
that's from an email.from an rj senior. omg it's really cool; i didnt know there was such an event! cos it was actually a dream of mine to worship God with e christians in rj. i wanted to organise an event like this when i had enough influence. so exciting ;there actually is such an event.
tdy\s race was quite bad. ha wasnt even a race in the first place. my slowest lap timing was 1.58. astounding. aiyah tdy's a joke lah. (this is gonna be for personal ref in future so it might not mean anything to whoever that's reading; unless u are e person i smsed) 'i felt (amazingly) strong during stridings. i felt light.powerful. i was feeling good man;gd enough to run a gd race. then i said that i wasnt 'psychologically prepared'. now thinking abt it, is it just one of my screwed up excuses? i wasn't very tired during the race. more so after the race. after e first few laps (2-3 or so) ; i knew it. what he said was to be true. it is over. the race is over for me. it was like fun run or smth for me. and people told me i looked like i was 'very heavy, very tired, dying, in pain so much so it's like you're in labour". but i wasnt feel that at all. coach could tell i wasnt pushing for one. my slowest lap time was 1.58. and then i had 'that' feeling again. the 'i cant be sad cos while running, i didnt push'. aiyah i just didnt give my best. i think if i gave my best and came in last, i wldnt be this disappointed. i'm feeling better now, after talking to some people. oh yea did i mention; this is my first time coming in last. check out the irony. guess there's a first for everything la. but anyway. i know there were people cheering for me during every round. even when i was at the 200m mark. but when i was doing my last lap, i felt the cheerings more observantly. as in like. i sensed more people clapping, cheering for me. i guess it's like that for every last runner.and in all competitions. they'd cheer for e last runner.and when the last runner crosses e line, it's a practice to clap for the runners. because the 2nd last runner finished abt 200m ahead of me, by the time i reached e last 100m lap, i was the only runner left on the track. and ,yea, the cheerings were so much louder.so much more amplified. it was so damn heartwarming. no one will ever know how i felt man...unless you come in last =x i felt sooo encouraged. i felt it so strongly. i felt that i had to give back to the supporters, i had to show them my appreciation; so even though i was e last runner, i pushed harder and gave the best i could at that point kick off. i was so...ah. no words can describe how i felt man. but i was so ________ when i crossed the finish line i wanted so badly to show e people supporting for me my appreciation i just clapped back. if i were mad, i'd go to the middle of the track and shout a big thankyou.i felt so touched because i felt that they could understand e demoralised feeling i felt; so they wanted to help me in whatever ways they could. people were actually worried when they saw me running. and i asked one if it was e 'helpless' feeling. 'yes'. ouch. but aiyah. do you rmb e previous post? i've just ran a fun run to testify to that....(down there)
\"If you perform below your potential and B beats you, then the idea is, of course B won., I'm not going all out, that's not the real me, I could win if I wanted to. You're choosing that path rather than performing your best, winning, and being counted on to win. Because if you're counted to win, and dont, that's a worse fate, and you'll feel more hurt, more of a sense of loss. In other words, YOU IMAGINE MORE RISK IN WORKING YOUR ASS OFF THAN NOT WORKING YOUR ASS OFF. You're not the first athlete to confront this."
-God on the starting line by MARC BLOOM pg 180
other than e winning part, i feel like that sometimes. acutally more often than not. he accounts it to low confidence in self(it was a huge prob last time).and after a while, he actually got pissed at me.for not doing to what he perceived my potential to be. smth like what steve prefontaine said 'giving less than your best is to sacrifce your gift.' smth like that.\
damn it. i'm a total wimp. sry God
standing beside people you are not familiar with but having the same passion as you?
You may not know their names, but you know that he or she is your brother or sister in Christ
with the same Love and hunger for God! "
that's from an email.from an rj senior. omg it's really cool; i didnt know there was such an event! cos it was actually a dream of mine to worship God with e christians in rj. i wanted to organise an event like this when i had enough influence. so exciting ;there actually is such an event.
tdy\s race was quite bad. ha wasnt even a race in the first place. my slowest lap timing was 1.58. astounding. aiyah tdy's a joke lah. (this is gonna be for personal ref in future so it might not mean anything to whoever that's reading; unless u are e person i smsed) 'i felt (amazingly) strong during stridings. i felt light.powerful. i was feeling good man;gd enough to run a gd race. then i said that i wasnt 'psychologically prepared'. now thinking abt it, is it just one of my screwed up excuses? i wasn't very tired during the race. more so after the race. after e first few laps (2-3 or so) ; i knew it. what he said was to be true. it is over. the race is over for me. it was like fun run or smth for me. and people told me i looked like i was 'very heavy, very tired, dying, in pain so much so it's like you're in labour". but i wasnt feel that at all. coach could tell i wasnt pushing for one. my slowest lap time was 1.58. and then i had 'that' feeling again. the 'i cant be sad cos while running, i didnt push'. aiyah i just didnt give my best. i think if i gave my best and came in last, i wldnt be this disappointed. i'm feeling better now, after talking to some people. oh yea did i mention; this is my first time coming in last. check out the irony. guess there's a first for everything la. but anyway. i know there were people cheering for me during every round. even when i was at the 200m mark. but when i was doing my last lap, i felt the cheerings more observantly. as in like. i sensed more people clapping, cheering for me. i guess it's like that for every last runner.and in all competitions. they'd cheer for e last runner.and when the last runner crosses e line, it's a practice to clap for the runners. because the 2nd last runner finished abt 200m ahead of me, by the time i reached e last 100m lap, i was the only runner left on the track. and ,yea, the cheerings were so much louder.so much more amplified. it was so damn heartwarming. no one will ever know how i felt man...unless you come in last =x i felt sooo encouraged. i felt it so strongly. i felt that i had to give back to the supporters, i had to show them my appreciation; so even though i was e last runner, i pushed harder and gave the best i could at that point kick off. i was so...ah. no words can describe how i felt man. but i was so ________ when i crossed the finish line i wanted so badly to show e people supporting for me my appreciation i just clapped back. if i were mad, i'd go to the middle of the track and shout a big thankyou.i felt so touched because i felt that they could understand e demoralised feeling i felt; so they wanted to help me in whatever ways they could. people were actually worried when they saw me running. and i asked one if it was e 'helpless' feeling. 'yes'. ouch. but aiyah. do you rmb e previous post? i've just ran a fun run to testify to that....(down there)
\"If you perform below your potential and B beats you, then the idea is, of course B won., I'm not going all out, that's not the real me, I could win if I wanted to. You're choosing that path rather than performing your best, winning, and being counted on to win. Because if you're counted to win, and dont, that's a worse fate, and you'll feel more hurt, more of a sense of loss. In other words, YOU IMAGINE MORE RISK IN WORKING YOUR ASS OFF THAN NOT WORKING YOUR ASS OFF. You're not the first athlete to confront this."
-God on the starting line by MARC BLOOM pg 180
other than e winning part, i feel like that sometimes. acutally more often than not. he accounts it to low confidence in self(it was a huge prob last time).and after a while, he actually got pissed at me.for not doing to what he perceived my potential to be. smth like what steve prefontaine said 'giving less than your best is to sacrifce your gift.' smth like that.\
damn it. i'm a total wimp. sry God
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
i made a new friend recently and while talking this qn popped up and it has been nudging me since then for a ans
what do you not like abt trg? i gave no ans and tried to think abt e opp, what do i LIKE abt trg? things didnt get further than that...
one two days ago, i was having dinner with a fellow rjcross teammate. he was sharing abt his team w me in his sec sch days.i knew abt e existance of that team during my sec days too,noticing them during trg races etc. what he said abt his team did coincide w what i thought abt them. a bunch of 'not as disciplined as rjkids', happy, carefree runners.and they perform. coach said that there're 3 aspects to trg : e trg workload itself, rest, and your food intake. okay,e latter2 for that team is out.so now it boils down to the trg itself. rjcross mate said that for this particular monday (crazy) trg, they'd push each interval like crazy; not caring abt the next interval and all that. wow, that's really commendable. and w/o me asking, he told me the driving force for that team. it was their teammates that drove them to whack during trgs like anything.prob even e reason that they actually make the effort to go for trg.
then i thought abt myself.what drives me to train? hmm.my coach? what an ans...but then i've nth else to ans that qn.
however w mgx, e coach was also a large part of why i went trg (everyones was scared of him.except maybe glory jen beth etc). but rmbing my days in s1, i only went for tues&thurs not sat trgs. meaning; i went for afternoon trgs.nvr go morning trgs.cos i didnt want to wake up early. then agn,somehow,i rmb going for morning hol trgs...at hwa chong,nie etc. and more often than not, jing and i wld be stretching alone.cos we 2 were always late.(i think lah.i cant rmb much abt my past) zhongeryanzhi, it was e team too that gave me meaningfor going trg. whoa those were e days man!when crosscountry really counted. we were such a close knit team.and i love those days like anything. we were a bunch of heck care run like mad,happy spirited kiddos.
-warmups a cool part of trg becos we all ran, more like jogged like ahmas,tgt.we did no funny drills.the juniors will sprint like mad all e way in front thinking that warmup was e trg or smth. and stretching is another affair all tgt.we take yrs to stretch. then we still got striding which was a fun part of trg. after that,we'd take our seats at the bleaches while coach stood down there &address us indiv in front of e team,telling us our workout and all. then we head to the starting line. oh wait, we'll PRAY BEFORE THAT!!another long affair :) ah then e workout. pple cheering for each other, mr ng shouting encouragements,sipping water like anything... oh yes running to e toilet 1/2way to get a longer break =p after e workout do we then camp in the toilet, lie on the seats,walk ard and pant. a good trg done-
it's damn sad that we wld nvr have such a team ever again.nvr having such an experience agn. it's truly an experience you'd nvr get anywhere else. a love-hate relationship; love e pple, hate e trg. love e running, hate e...coach?hahaha kinda.but we all miss him like mad now; at least i do. it will be an impossible thing to get each and every runner back for a reunion kinda
i'm digressing. my pt in blogging tdy is to straighten my thoughts! to come up w at least 5 reasons why i dont like trg;(i'm employing jan's help here:P)
1)going round and round and round and round*20min for warm up
2)while doing striding, i mentally note that after 3 of them, i'm walking w my friends back to get their bottles then it's e start of THE trg ( e anticipation feeling. shudders)
3)trg workout: running like dontknowwhat to try to keep to time.like rush rush rush.yet you've to restrain from running too fast or your whole trg's screwed up (like on mon)
4)e rest in between each set. (def. the rest is needed by like you lose your momentum and have to gain it back agn..whoa tough man)
5)e pissed off disappointing but still have to cont feeling when you see that you're off target
to make things more positive, plus when i try to think logically but cant seem to find gd reasons why i dont like trg, here are 10 reasons why i like trg!(or i'll makeyself like)
1) hearing norman say 'okok let's go do warmup' in his whiny voice is very funny
2) i love e warm up pace. it's slow =D for me at least. e rest go darn fast
3) stretching's a time for you to slack and talk with your friends
4) e anticipation (e gd feeling one) when coach goes ard telling us our workout
5) stridings are fun. opening your strides and going as big as you can.flying ; wihtout caring that you've 2 stridings left. somehow we recover almost instantly from that. maybe cos it's less than 50m =p
6) depending solely on God and surrendering my life to him while walking w friends to get their bottles
7) running with your friends/teammates, cheering them on when you yourself are v tired.
8) counting down to your last interval
9) pushing like anything when it's not your last interval,when you didnt hit your previous timing. just trying to make things work. 'doing e hard work at trg' as coach wld put it
10) a good trg done
God on the starting line
" Giving up reveals a submissive, immature reaction to pain. What teenager, with today's comfrts, knows such stark physical suffering? e only vocab he has in response is surrender. they must learn a new pattern that one familiarises with and even welcome as a path towards righteousness. afterall, noble suffering is a christian doctrine."
what do you not like abt trg? i gave no ans and tried to think abt e opp, what do i LIKE abt trg? things didnt get further than that...
one two days ago, i was having dinner with a fellow rjcross teammate. he was sharing abt his team w me in his sec sch days.i knew abt e existance of that team during my sec days too,noticing them during trg races etc. what he said abt his team did coincide w what i thought abt them. a bunch of 'not as disciplined as rjkids', happy, carefree runners.and they perform. coach said that there're 3 aspects to trg : e trg workload itself, rest, and your food intake. okay,e latter2 for that team is out.so now it boils down to the trg itself. rjcross mate said that for this particular monday (crazy) trg, they'd push each interval like crazy; not caring abt the next interval and all that. wow, that's really commendable. and w/o me asking, he told me the driving force for that team. it was their teammates that drove them to whack during trgs like anything.prob even e reason that they actually make the effort to go for trg.
then i thought abt myself.what drives me to train? hmm.my coach? what an ans...but then i've nth else to ans that qn.
however w mgx, e coach was also a large part of why i went trg (everyones was scared of him.except maybe glory jen beth etc). but rmbing my days in s1, i only went for tues&thurs not sat trgs. meaning; i went for afternoon trgs.nvr go morning trgs.cos i didnt want to wake up early. then agn,somehow,i rmb going for morning hol trgs...at hwa chong,nie etc. and more often than not, jing and i wld be stretching alone.cos we 2 were always late.(i think lah.i cant rmb much abt my past) zhongeryanzhi, it was e team too that gave me meaningfor going trg. whoa those were e days man!when crosscountry really counted. we were such a close knit team.and i love those days like anything. we were a bunch of heck care run like mad,happy spirited kiddos.
-warmups a cool part of trg becos we all ran, more like jogged like ahmas,tgt.we did no funny drills.the juniors will sprint like mad all e way in front thinking that warmup was e trg or smth. and stretching is another affair all tgt.we take yrs to stretch. then we still got striding which was a fun part of trg. after that,we'd take our seats at the bleaches while coach stood down there &address us indiv in front of e team,telling us our workout and all. then we head to the starting line. oh wait, we'll PRAY BEFORE THAT!!another long affair :) ah then e workout. pple cheering for each other, mr ng shouting encouragements,sipping water like anything... oh yes running to e toilet 1/2way to get a longer break =p after e workout do we then camp in the toilet, lie on the seats,walk ard and pant. a good trg done-
it's damn sad that we wld nvr have such a team ever again.nvr having such an experience agn. it's truly an experience you'd nvr get anywhere else. a love-hate relationship; love e pple, hate e trg. love e running, hate e...coach?hahaha kinda.but we all miss him like mad now; at least i do. it will be an impossible thing to get each and every runner back for a reunion kinda
i'm digressing. my pt in blogging tdy is to straighten my thoughts! to come up w at least 5 reasons why i dont like trg;(i'm employing jan's help here:P)
1)going round and round and round and round*20min for warm up
2)while doing striding, i mentally note that after 3 of them, i'm walking w my friends back to get their bottles then it's e start of THE trg ( e anticipation feeling. shudders)
3)trg workout: running like dontknowwhat to try to keep to time.like rush rush rush.yet you've to restrain from running too fast or your whole trg's screwed up (like on mon)
4)e rest in between each set. (def. the rest is needed by like you lose your momentum and have to gain it back agn..whoa tough man)
5)e pissed off disappointing but still have to cont feeling when you see that you're off target
to make things more positive, plus when i try to think logically but cant seem to find gd reasons why i dont like trg, here are 10 reasons why i like trg!(or i'll makeyself like)
1) hearing norman say 'okok let's go do warmup' in his whiny voice is very funny
2) i love e warm up pace. it's slow =D for me at least. e rest go darn fast
3) stretching's a time for you to slack and talk with your friends
4) e anticipation (e gd feeling one) when coach goes ard telling us our workout
5) stridings are fun. opening your strides and going as big as you can.flying ; wihtout caring that you've 2 stridings left. somehow we recover almost instantly from that. maybe cos it's less than 50m =p
6) depending solely on God and surrendering my life to him while walking w friends to get their bottles
7) running with your friends/teammates, cheering them on when you yourself are v tired.
8) counting down to your last interval
9) pushing like anything when it's not your last interval,when you didnt hit your previous timing. just trying to make things work. 'doing e hard work at trg' as coach wld put it
10) a good trg done
God on the starting line
" Giving up reveals a submissive, immature reaction to pain. What teenager, with today's comfrts, knows such stark physical suffering? e only vocab he has in response is surrender. they must learn a new pattern that one familiarises with and even welcome as a path towards righteousness. afterall, noble suffering is a christian doctrine."
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Father, I see that you are drawing
A line in the sand
And I want to be standing on Your side
Holding Your hand
So let Your Kingdom come
Let it live in me
This is my prayer
This is my plea
Chorus:
Let the worshippers arise
Let the sons and the daughters sing
I'm surrendering my all
I surrender to the King
Let the worshippers arise
Let the sons and the daughters sing
I'm surrendering my all
I surrender to the King
Verse 2:
Father, I hear it growing louder
The song of Your redeemed
As the saints of every nation
Are awakening to sing
From our hearts there comes an anthem
Oh, hear the heavens ring
This is our song,
A song to our King
Ending:
I surrender with all I have and all I am
Singing a song of praise
An anthem of praise
I surrender to the King
nice song :)been lazy to update.
A line in the sand
And I want to be standing on Your side
Holding Your hand
So let Your Kingdom come
Let it live in me
This is my prayer
This is my plea
Chorus:
Let the worshippers arise
Let the sons and the daughters sing
I'm surrendering my all
I surrender to the King
Let the worshippers arise
Let the sons and the daughters sing
I'm surrendering my all
I surrender to the King
Verse 2:
Father, I hear it growing louder
The song of Your redeemed
As the saints of every nation
Are awakening to sing
From our hearts there comes an anthem
Oh, hear the heavens ring
This is our song,
A song to our King
Ending:
I surrender with all I have and all I am
Singing a song of praise
An anthem of praise
I surrender to the King
nice song :)been lazy to update.
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