" Hey! Ever wondered what it would be like to worship God as a school,
standing beside people you are not familiar with but having the same passion as you?
You may not know their names, but you know that he or she is your brother or sister in Christ
with the same Love and hunger for God! "

that's from an email.from an rj senior. omg it's really cool; i didnt know there was such an event! cos it was actually a dream of mine to worship God with e christians in rj. i wanted to organise an event like this when i had enough influence. so exciting ;there actually is such an event.

tdy\s race was quite bad. ha wasnt even a race in the first place. my slowest lap timing was 1.58. astounding. aiyah tdy's a joke lah. (this is gonna be for personal ref in future so it might not mean anything to whoever that's reading; unless u are e person i smsed) 'i felt (amazingly) strong during stridings. i felt light.powerful. i was feeling good man;gd enough to run a gd race. then i said that i wasnt 'psychologically prepared'. now thinking abt it, is it just one of my screwed up excuses? i wasn't very tired during the race. more so after the race. after e first few laps (2-3 or so) ; i knew it. what he said was to be true. it is over. the race is over for me. it was like fun run or smth for me. and people told me i looked like i was 'very heavy, very tired, dying, in pain so much so it's like you're in labour". but i wasnt feel that at all. coach could tell i wasnt pushing for one. my slowest lap time was 1.58. and then i had 'that' feeling again. the 'i cant be sad cos while running, i didnt push'. aiyah i just didnt give my best. i think if i gave my best and came in last, i wldnt be this disappointed. i'm feeling better now, after talking to some people. oh yea did i mention; this is my first time coming in last. check out the irony. guess there's a first for everything la. but anyway. i know there were people cheering for me during every round. even when i was at the 200m mark. but when i was doing my last lap, i felt the cheerings more observantly. as in like. i sensed more people clapping, cheering for me. i guess it's like that for every last runner.and in all competitions. they'd cheer for e last runner.and when the last runner crosses e line, it's a practice to clap for the runners. because the 2nd last runner finished abt 200m ahead of me, by the time i reached e last 100m lap, i was the only runner left on the track. and ,yea, the cheerings were so much louder.so much more amplified. it was so damn heartwarming. no one will ever know how i felt man...unless you come in last =x i felt sooo encouraged. i felt it so strongly. i felt that i had to give back to the supporters, i had to show them my appreciation; so even though i was e last runner, i pushed harder and gave the best i could at that point kick off. i was so...ah. no words can describe how i felt man. but i was so ________ when i crossed the finish line i wanted so badly to show e people supporting for me my appreciation i just clapped back. if i were mad, i'd go to the middle of the track and shout a big thankyou.i felt so touched because i felt that they could understand e demoralised feeling i felt; so they wanted to help me in whatever ways they could. people were actually worried when they saw me running. and i asked one if it was e 'helpless' feeling. 'yes'. ouch. but aiyah. do you rmb e previous post? i've just ran a fun run to testify to that....(down there)

\"If you perform below your potential and B beats you, then the idea is, of course B won., I'm not going all out, that's not the real me, I could win if I wanted to. You're choosing that path rather than performing your best, winning, and being counted on to win. Because if you're counted to win, and dont, that's a worse fate, and you'll feel more hurt, more of a sense of loss. In other words, YOU IMAGINE MORE RISK IN WORKING YOUR ASS OFF THAN NOT WORKING YOUR ASS OFF. You're not the first athlete to confront this."
-God on the starting line by MARC BLOOM pg 180

other than e winning part, i feel like that sometimes. acutally more often than not. he accounts it to low confidence in self(it was a huge prob last time).and after a while, he actually got pissed at me.for not doing to what he perceived my potential to be. smth like what steve prefontaine said 'giving less than your best is to sacrifce your gift.' smth like that.\

damn it. i'm a total wimp. sry God