MOVIE ON WED. anybody???

today started out well. rachel and ryan were watching lion king when i woke up. then daddy was dno doing what.shitting and reading newspaper ? ma wasn't home as usual. jan was still sleeping. so idecided t brush my teeth and go down to join the two kids to watch. i woke jan up 'it's 9.45' and walked down, unchanged. janell asked ," aren't you going church? " "nope" "why (no question mark for this qn cos she was asking in a super fierce tone)" "i go watch lion king" ... "i think i will learn more stuff from lion king" then i brushed my teeth while watching so that i wldnt miss any more of the show. is it very bad to say this wtv i feel more satisfied today than other sundays.

ill nvr forget my many nights in sec, jc life when i slept at 2,3am... and jen telling me(when i was in sec3 and became a pit. prefect in trg ;) ) 'it's normal for us sec4s man. it's a daily routine since sec3.

i've a confession to make. i've nvr liked going to church in secondary school,.in sec4 it got kinda better cos at least i had janell for company. but by the end of the year, iwas back to sq one and i blocked and deleted a lot of church ppl's msn emails .

and i remember telling people to avoid me at certain points of the year many times. it feels like a point now.

(2007)
'and when i think abt it, i think i am studying too hard. but if i'm not trg, i got nth to do. so do what?study lor.'
'what's wrong
the night of swift race, i had a dream about my new class. 6u. it's nth like having monsters as my classmates or having monsters invade my classroom one day or having a monster as my teacher(hmm... ;p kidding). it was somewhat like reality. it was one bad thing after another...(i cant rmb e situations exactly so i'm just making this up->) my classmates were...horribly unreasonable.my teacher didnt like me from the start of his first lesson.i failed some test(hahaha i realise, it's quite normal to fail right =x).i was very disorientated ;had a whole pile of work to complete, running state was dissatisfying etc. what a nightmare!'
HA. it was shit terrorising.

i am damn embarrassed by my past.

today while planning out my future with clarissa and audrey, fizzydrey commented abt her friend being afraid to get married. then like OMGOMG 'me too! look, i'm 18yrs. i wna get married young so that's like.... ard 25? i 've left 6 years. i'm never getting married.' then clarissa ask me to think about getting a boyfriend first. ... :( sigh, I'm never getting married. audrey thinks our thinking is ridiculous. because it's audrey, the ever cute irresistible fizzydrey.dang, damn heart pain to think about these things. hahahah

RYAN'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING.8 march. i'm going to buy him a lot of hello panda. one fine day i got no breakfast so i took his hellopanda on the table. when he came home, he realised he had one missing hellopanda then i tried to scam him say i only saw two packets. then he was so adamant and looked so lost i felt bad i admitted to taking it. i apologised and asked if i could make it up by buying him another packet the next day. he smiled and said okay. it's times like this i think he's soooooooo sweet and lovable and all things nice. other times hes just a big idiot.

i feel like crying so badly now. eh jan ytd night i really meant what i asked. (when you see so many such long posts, i'm thinking a lot and coming to sad conclusions. i hate realising this trend hahahh) do i really think too much? is there really nothing wrong with us? sometimes when d exclaims, i dno why i married her , i get damn pissed off. i am so angry shes being such an ass esp now that hes making an effort. then it goes back to point one why the hell did you do it? so many times i feel like replying because you failed her first.

is there really a solution to this? dont tell me to pray. because it doesn't solve things. it just gives me hope. but i dont give a shit about hope now. i want a difference. i want to be normal. i want a normal family. i am self centered and want to be a stupid teenager. i want to throw tantrums. i want you to be present when i do. i want to get scolded. i want to get angry at you. i want you to see me get angry.

my dad is very proud of me. at almost every family gathering he calls me over puts his arm ard me and tell them 'this daughter of mine v guai. i scold her a lot of times but never once has she gone against me' then the rest will nod their head approving ly. i don't squirm because i feel shy about him praising me like that, it aint true. if given the chance, more often than not i want to shout back so badly but i can't.

i'm only eighteen years old. met many people in my life. before then, i never thought i'd meet someone with wtv id like of a ...partner or .(don't ask me what) i'd accepted that i'd have to settle for some random guy and grow to like him. but i have leh .so i'm rather happy ive met someone who showed me otherwise.... heng ah

have you been in such a situation whereby you respect and admire a man because he is good, really good. he is responsible, respectful, nice, smart, hardworking...good man. but you hate him for something he did. because i am in such a situation. i really detest him for what he has done i dno if it shows through my tone .yet at the same time i really like him because you don't find such honest ,good men around. but i hate him.

i'm gonna handle it by avoiding him. i'll make this 14th an exception. because i made a stupid promise to her long ago.... but after the 14th, i'm gonna avoid you at all costs. yeah, bus fares and all. but hey, please don't get me wrong. i feel VERY lucky to have met you man... i really respect you so much. if i have known you by some other way, I'd really respond to you properly, i'd ask about your secondary sch and poly days were you juggled so much stuff and excelled in most of them. i'm really happy that you've made it thus far. yeah, if only i've known you by another way... you're someone id really look up to.

i've been listening to the same song over for the past 3hrs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeRP59WrKxw
i hate it when i type so much