I wake up to your sunset,and it's driving me mad.

~ nice song ! rly like the lyrics too. v nicely crafted out. AND THE MUSIC VIDEO <3333 HAHAHA. the airport scene is frigging awesome. love it !!

anw, when i was teaching my kids ytd, and asking for responses (the kids like to compete to raise their hands) , i was suddenly hit w the image of sunita kumar and tukil sitting atop a rock while i was sitting at a lower one next to them. we were basking under the sun, and i was playing mental sums with them/stoning . hahah it was v funny to me cos my counterparts were still in class frantically trying to finish what they set out to teach. i was just too bored and sian abt teaching alr since it was abt 15min to the end of our v last lesson :(

sighhhh that image is a very strong one in my mind because it was one of my most personal moments w the kids. and i rly feel for these three kids more than the rest.

I cant slp.... Wpke up ard 535 am and been hanging ard since. Hahah omgggg. Why why why. Im afraid id be tired ltr :( and my tooth hurtsssss. :((( owwww :(

i've alr proclaimed so on fb... but i've to do it here agn for record purposes heh.

TODAY, i had my first lecture on OT. organisational theory. i enjoyed myself TTM!! i was on the edge of my seat almost the entire time (partly due to the the tall guy in front of me that kept blockign my view too) . simply put, i was HOOKED. and i did not even feel the slightest sleepiness the entire time :) cant wait for my next lecture!! theres a quote at the end of the lecture slides which was epic. here goes! :

Erma Bombeck: I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

LOLZXZZX (Y)heheheh :) so funny.

i told my mama abt it. the first thing she asked was :is it because of the way the lecturer delivers it? i responded with a resounding NO!!!!, but maybe yes also cos this the youngest lecturer ive met, and hes v easy gng.

as i reviewed my lecture notes tngt (which is first haha!), i suddenly realise that what i learnt tdy wasnt much. i'm starting to wonder if its rly due t the lecturer hahah.arrghh wtv i enjoyed myself :)

swim trng was ok too. i'm rly enjoying it now because i've no pressure to perform well, or hit a certain timing etc. in the past, it was always associated with pressure and scoldings and negative competition stress. if only i can find such joy in running :/

i dno if i've said this... and publicising this potentially ruins my image but . I HAVE TO SAY THIS! hahah ! my cousin KEEPS talking abt introducing her church friend to me. that's alr bad enough rgt. but the worse thing is that , hes like 28yrs old. hahahah omgggg it's rly so weird. i used to object noisily when she brought it up. but now i jst play along because the suggestions she puts forth (like, having a grp movie outing/bringing me to her church to visit) are like , bloody hilarious. omg. hahaha .(i realised that i rly dont like that idea because , i dont like being shortchanged. i'm too prideful, i dont wna receive things that i can achieve only with hardwork and effort)

am not satisfied with life now because i dont feel that i'm actly making full use of my life and contributing to society to my fullest potential...

if roles were reversed, i'd be a knight to you. i'd be your prince.

my emotions were raging tdy. irrationally and terribly. but even nw tht i'm ok, i still think tht i'm not being too sensitive to think tht you're angry at me. or so it seems. your behaviour towards me now is rly horrid.and to make matters worse, it affects me a lot. i hate tht it affects me... i shall jst attribute it to studying stress...but i rly dont wna be ur punching bag. i dont think i deserve such treatment .

it is so painful gng thru tdy... i've a family whom i love more than anything in the world....but they keep stepping over me, they keep putting themselves in front of us, they dont care abt us. i was away for the entire day tdy and no one except fish contacted me; of which was done so because i texted her first... this, for the second time in recent times, causes me to doubt my sacrifice to make time and effort to be w them.

its not easy to look ahead and prevent gravity from dragging tears out

choosing to be a runner is choosing a lifestyle and not a sport.

so true! zz. bored bored bored. and super tired so i dont feel energetic enough to go out :( or do anything :(

I explained to my sis abt a state tht i can get into in great detail, in the most accurate measure through words once. I was in the zone! Now i am not in the zone, so i cant explain it... But

I am in that state again. So, tdy was tough.

Surprisingly though, i dont feel it when i run. Running makes me more alive than in my resting state.

Am on a mission to be a gd friend. In aero's words : you shld be nicer (not push people away). It was rly a huge blow...so big tht i think im rdy to throw myself into foreseen-ed awkward situations just so tht i can be that person thr for you, or for the cultivating of potentially starting sth new. :) yess.

cant think of any how else to phrase myself cos im in 'that state'. The horrible thing now is tbat im fully aware im in the state , but i cant do anything abt it to get out of it :(

"Ive too much of it , i need to give it away"

I was once told that if i committed a mistake once, it aint my fault; i just havent mastered the adequate skills. If the same mistake is committed a second time, maybeee i need more time. The third time, i really need more time. But if it happens over and over and over again, it shld be pretty obvious tht im the problem.

Sucks :/ im worth nth but i dont know why i expect people to treat me specially . Who am i to expect such treatment from them? Im very irrational.... Feelings are irrational. :(

Anw, wow. Rafael's presence was aweeesome tdy. He'll be back! ! ! !!!

I am alone now. Im free to do wtv i want, walk ard naked even...cos i just asked for help. Hah

I may be in committing the same "sin" nw but at least i will do my best to make up for it ltr. Haha. For now, im nt giving up hope for thats all i have left in the world. Comeon rafaaaa

I was reading through my old notebooks. I realised that many of the things i struggle w now, i also struggled with when i was 15. I overcame them during the course of my life, but ultimately . Those problems went one full circle and im taunted by them agn :/

Exact same fears.. Almost written down in the exact same manner. Can i still be the same innocent, vulnerable girl i was 6 years ago? :/

Go nadal!!!!!!!!!!!! (tiring t watch alone tho.. Eeps, persevereeee!)