:))

Alix was sharing how he had 1000 krispy kremes to himself at a meeting.. Making me feel sooo distraughted cos the first time i tried kkremes, we were in melb and it was absolutely fantastic. 

Anywyz, to make things easy, he popped by after his meeting and presented me w a box of 6!! :'))) double surprise surprise. What a darling. I cldnt stop hugging him.. Hahaha.. He said 'im not your toy. Stop hugging me like im one' 

:) youre such a sweetheart

ultimately, im grateful to God for putting him in my life.

anyway, have no idea why i'm still up at this timing... confirm ggxx tmr :( was so, so tired at trng this evening too! was like a zombie. zzz, why am i still awake now, haha this is so unhealthy :( did a bit of research on the cafe scene in singapore though; there are sooo many unexplored cafes here!

ok i dont know where i'm going with this.

actually intended to wake up at 7, prepare bfast for alix and pass it to him while we cross paths otw to work (we actly hv the potential to meet every morning but ,that's too much).

maybe a reason that we two are so tired is because we have nothing to look forward to. or maybe i'm thinking too much

i look forward to the weekends but every time they come, i'm reminded that it's 7days closer to year end. this is too fast. ...

ok sleep.

Feeling so lousy 

woke up feeling listless and empty, wondering whether i made a wrong decision of commitment. Then, im brought to the realisation, life isnt only about that. That isn't the thing that will solely bring fulfilment in your life. You cant put the weight of a life purpose on another flawed being

Like a quote i once read, if you love a flower, you dont pluck it and want to stash it in your pocket-for if you do so, the flower dies. You admire it from a distance, shower it with water and sunshine. You sing to it, smile, love it. Don't possess it. Choose your flower wisely

this is so unhealthy :( dno if i can take things in the long run...

so sad to think that this is happening merely one week after my bday... :( after a magical time spent tgt. guess that is the key word, magic. it doesnt exist.. :/

'can we just end this phone call now'

ouch..

saw some unwanted stuff on the phone (then, would i rather be in denial?) and made me get into a totally insecure fit. overall, don't think that i'm being insecure... maybe i'm just different, have different standards and expectations. told him that we should sit down one day, once and for all, to discuss where we see this going.

had a terrible dream last night because of this... (in fact, i do have a lot of nightmares of our relationship because i feel that its so unstable). dreamt that he became super aloof and unfeeling towards me. i kept clinging on, following him wherever he went, and hugged him so tight when i didn't know what else to do. like trying to grasp and hold onto what isn't mine anymore... when instead i should have known to let go something so fleeting.

it was such a terrible dream... :( left me feeling so horrible... woke up this morning feeling like crap.

went for the f1 ytd. good experience but not sth to be endeavoured on a day when you wake up at 6am...

anyway, went to watch sunig aqua ytd and i saw a very very intimate scene between mentor and an athlete. must talk abt this some day. its so sacred that i wna be more clear headed before attempting to put it in words

Met herrrrro aft work tdy to travel down for trng tgt. I got a bit too affected at sth and closed up all doors and holes. This apparently caused my actions to be very very hurtful thus making herrrro defensive and closed up too. 

I couldnt take it after a while and asked to talk abt it ;

It made me very sad... Thinking about how two people who care and love each other would bear to hurt each other. Why are we like that? :(

After a while, we managed toclear things up but whats impt is how to resolve this issue. To come up with an action plan lest we encounter such a situation again. I got very frustrated after a while because i couldnt think of anything (his behaviour, mine as well, so difficult to do sth about)..

I shared my frustrations and 'if we dontkmow howto deal w this, we will keep encountering this. And one day we will decide that its better to leave each other than cause more hurt. 

We were both tired by then. Thankfully he said that...and made me uds that i cant expect too much of a person at 1am... 

He ended with: dont worry, we will come up with a soln for this. We will get through this together alright?

:'( i really hope we do...

Couldnt bear to end the night off like that so i ditched my pride, walked over awkwardly and gave him a hug before leaving. I hope he understands what i meant by the hug... Cos im still trying to figure out what i meant by that 

I used to like scrolling through my blog and read through old posts. However, i do not enjoy the process as much over the past few months... Realised that it is because ,when i started dating this boy and getting closer to him, i only blog when i am upset or have disagreements. So this blog becomes a drag and mood depresser to read. My rship w heeeerrrro isnt all that sad, we do have many many happy times and really care and love each other :) 

Few months back, i told him spontaneously: i want to create many beautiful happy fun memories together!

To which he responded: what kind?:)

This is how our rship is most of the time.. I make requests, and he goes out of his way to accommodate.. Makes me feel bad. But every time he does, im very grateful for him being by my side. Hes a gem:) 

We have done many crazy things tgt.. (Sometimes too crazy that i become oblivious to my surroundings, irritate others and gets him into a disapproving mood)

Once in a while, we have some quiet chill time too and chat about random things (still amazes me how we can talk so much x( ) we just went to a cafe over the  weekend! It was so so nice. If only sgp had more of the melb cafe culture! Ie including the weather haha!

Going for a walk together at melb i think this was to brighton beach. We started running tgt aft a while cos we wanted to catch the sunset+got too bored at the slow walking pace. Hahaha! We two were too unfit but it was just so hilarious at the thought of chasing the sunset we kept laughing :p

We are very cultured too. Getting absorbed into art and history

We do get on each others nerves but... Ultimately we seek to learn about each others ideologies, way of life, thinkings, and try to accommodate and live with together. Because this is what its about huh? About growing up, 'getting things straight, working hard at one not easily earned opportunity and get on with what life truly is about'. 

Heres to us: (ps this is written in 10min and veryvery spontaneously so forgive this poor expressed prose. The bottomline of this msg is: thank you God for alexander, you're an angel to me. Thanks for sticking around despite everything, thanks for opening up your life to me and letting me love you.)

'If you tell someone that you will meet them at a certain time, you have essentially made them a promise. And if you say you’ll be there at 8:00, and yet arrive at 8:15, you have essentially broken that promise.'

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/07/16/a-man-is-punctual-the-importance-of-being-on-time/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/07/18/a-man-is-punctual-the-reasons-youre-late-and-how-to-always-be-on-time/

thanks for this.

haha, dad saw me and was so, so shocked.. wanted to tell him everything but stopped short because of the looming...nag that i so am sick of hearing the past 15 years of my life..

anyway .he made me - about this for the...3rd to 4th time. dont know whether he knows that his words hurt more than help; making me feel like rebelling and going the other way more. at least it wasn't bad as that melb night where i could not sleep at all and couldnt get out of bed that morning.

' because i know you can do better
 because i know you are capable
 because i know you can do it'
http://behindthehustle.com/2013/08/10-choices-you-will-regret-in-10-years/