self reflection time.

hmm, i did 2 things i'd regret if i dont do it. and i'm really proud of myself

1st thing, believe it or not, i wrote a 'farewell' note to my tuition laoshi since it was gonna be my last day with her. i passed it to her ytd. i was actually debating with myself whether i shld give it to her, feel a little embarrassed but let her know how much i really appreciate her, or throw the letter away and just be some corner student. there were a few hanyupinyins, english phrases and yea, messy chinese words. i really hope she can read my letter. i'm really very appreciative of how much effort she puts in during class just to keep us attentive. she's a very bubbly teacher and is so hyper. well, at least for my last day of tuition there, i walked out of the classroom with a sense of pride.

2nd thing, today for trg, we did northern route and mr ng came up with this loop thing towards the girls/boys route so that we can gain more distance. we could do the loop 1-2 times..all really up to us. as i ran finish the northern route, i saw teo, joy and charissa at the barrier resting. they just came recovered from their injuries and cant really run much. i really had this urge to just stop since i was already very tired n give the excuse that i couldn't take it anymore.

WAIT.

mr ng isnt here anymore. oh that's better..then i dont need to give excuse to anybody! then, hu do i give the excuse to? my frens? erm, what has my slack running gotta do with them.. it then just hit me that the person i shld be giving e excuse to, is none other than myself. but i cant give the excuse that i'm dying..my mind just says that but i'm very sure my body can go one. so, i had another debation as to whether i shld continue. in e end, i did since i saw sheryl running up the hill. if a sec1 girl can do it.. why not me. so yup i ran up and up and up..i was on the verge of walking already la. it was short a long slope. well, i was then rewarded with a downhill..a SHORT downhill. then i had to run UPhill again. this slope is short, but VERY steep. not wanting to give up, i pushed on and ran down a gentle slope(take note, this is s'pore. so the gentle sloping is quite gentle). after what seemed like 8km(i'm exaggerating), i finally reached the opening of macritchie again then sheryl told me that she's gonna stop since she cant take it already. yeah i saw her...from behind. at least she did one loop. so this comes to my and myself again. shld i run a 2nd loop and suffer but savour victory? or just give up and be a loser to myself for the rest of the day.. at least i've gained abt 1km more dist already. yeah, the ans is quite obvious.

so i did a 2nd loop and then went to rejoin back with my x fellows. though i didnt run like some lunatic, i was already very happy that i made the right decision and finished the workout. i dont wanna repeat my mistake like in sec1. i had suffered too much emotionally already. i'd come home everyday after trg and thing, 'i could have pushed harder!' or " i could have ran longer!" then i'd be too sad and moody to do anything. i really hated myself then. life was such a pain for me and i was just like any other i-wanna-die-student. it was then. i really duno what made me really come back to X. there wasnt any like mr ng's "u dont come to trg u die!" talks or whatever. i really REALLY 4got what happened that made me come back to my sense and realise that i've been slacking too much. sigh, this hurts. i've found my true self through running. running gives a lot of time for self reflection i must say.

then again, i dont think i'll be able to do a good run for e swift com. 10 km. 10 whole solid km. WOW. siao la.. i cant believe i'm actually wanting to go for it and i was quite excited abt it too. i guess some of my negativeness still stays. it's difficult for me to refocus. well, FOCUS!! i'm gonna concentrate on natls06' and do my best! i'm sooo glad that natls are being pushed to 3rdwk of april. it gives the seniors more time to train =D i promise i'll be at the stands cheering my heart out for u all. i know u all want it. it's shown through your gesture, your face and your determination. even by what u all say. i know mg can do it! To God be the glory.

Just do it
Nike

(ok i feel e adrenaline rush now)