Friday, June 29, 2012
been thinking about how i have forgone a lot of activities that bring joy to my life because they are perceived to be a 'waste of time'. but i'm reminded that if sth makes me happy, then the time spent on it is a good investment. furthermore, not doing things that i enjoy means that i'm wasting my life away right?
rawthoughts
rawthoughts
Monday, June 25, 2012
1. why? why do you go around my life and discourage me, and put me down like that?
i can just imagine you being tied to a chair, hair in a messy rage, sweat trickling down your neck and blood streaming down the left side of your face.... while i'm ten feet away, weight against my palms on the table. i'm dripping with sweat too, agaped at the reality/surreality of all that is happening. my eyes are cast downwards... with fear, with confusion, with hatred, then back with confusion again. my knees are buckling, my ankles are struggling to keep me standing up.
slowly i lift my gaze to your tiredsome worn out face. i stare straight into your bloodshot spiritless eyes, and i ask you the question that i started this post with.
i feel that i've learnt to hurt people. keyword: learnt. that means i was taught this lesson by someone. and sometimes i take this lesson and execute it against my teacher too. i feel really bad, but then i think, wasn't it you that taught me all these?
2. haha, ohwell....... himym really made my day. jenny and i discussed this before; barney is such a playerrrr (a character of the world which we realllllly detest) yet we still feel a certain connection towards him. our reason was because he has caused our expectations of him to lower so much that when he does sth sweet for a girl, it IS a big deal.
now, i'm thinking of another reason. because we find ourselves in him. maybe we aren't flawed in the sense taht we are v sexually immoral, but we fail terribly in another aspect. yet, he eventually manages to find his footing in life :) ( YES , if you got it and you hvnt watched s6 of himym, THAT'S RIGHT. I SPOILT THINGS . HAHAHA)
3. aww man. i'm youtubing sth rly embarrassing now which i wont even say here for my future self to be reminded of... but it's making me reallllly warmthy inside :)
-this was from 2011, between the 4th and 9th month. WOW, i'm scary when i'm angry haha
i can just imagine you being tied to a chair, hair in a messy rage, sweat trickling down your neck and blood streaming down the left side of your face.... while i'm ten feet away, weight against my palms on the table. i'm dripping with sweat too, agaped at the reality/surreality of all that is happening. my eyes are cast downwards... with fear, with confusion, with hatred, then back with confusion again. my knees are buckling, my ankles are struggling to keep me standing up.
slowly i lift my gaze to your tiredsome worn out face. i stare straight into your bloodshot spiritless eyes, and i ask you the question that i started this post with.
i feel that i've learnt to hurt people. keyword: learnt. that means i was taught this lesson by someone. and sometimes i take this lesson and execute it against my teacher too. i feel really bad, but then i think, wasn't it you that taught me all these?
2. haha, ohwell....... himym really made my day. jenny and i discussed this before; barney is such a playerrrr (a character of the world which we realllllly detest) yet we still feel a certain connection towards him. our reason was because he has caused our expectations of him to lower so much that when he does sth sweet for a girl, it IS a big deal.
now, i'm thinking of another reason. because we find ourselves in him. maybe we aren't flawed in the sense taht we are v sexually immoral, but we fail terribly in another aspect. yet, he eventually manages to find his footing in life :) ( YES , if you got it and you hvnt watched s6 of himym, THAT'S RIGHT. I SPOILT THINGS . HAHAHA)
3. aww man. i'm youtubing sth rly embarrassing now which i wont even say here for my future self to be reminded of... but it's making me reallllly warmthy inside :)
-this was from 2011, between the 4th and 9th month. WOW, i'm scary when i'm angry haha
some things tt i wna rmb from kiss dating goodbye
if you've been following, you'd know that i recently dragged myself through a book called 'kiss dating goodbye' -for a selfish motive really, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise- and i've learnt qte a fair bit! decided to share it here, it will be a good reminder to all out there.
firstly: Redeeming the time-Making the most of your singleness
1. Hustle while you wait
This means that we are not to waste the time we have on our hands. God entrusted us various talents and gifts, and expects us to to guard and use them wisely. 'Will we give Him a return on His investment in us?' Before we even begin a romantic rship, we have work to do! -Bad habits to get rid of, good habits to develop and character to build.
2. 'Watering camels'
The story of Rebekah (from the bible)-about how she met Abraham's servant while she was performing her daily task of collecting water from some well. The impt point to note is that "Rebekah was able to meet God's divine apptment for her life bcos she was faithfully carrying out her current obligations".
3. Practice now!
In that, you practice the skills that are required for married life now. Skills such as:
-Intimacy with closed ones present in one's life now (eg. family members)
-Seeking God with others (starting off with family first, then branching out to close, trusted friends)
-Financial responsibility (self explanatory!)
-Parenthood
-Practical life skills
The point of all these is not for the sole purpose of getting married though, one must note! The real reasons for these is so that one can grow in maturity and Christlikeness. becoming a good spouse is just a by-pdt.
There are-of course-other lists to help single people in this journey if they are struggling. Come ask me to borrow the book if you're interested, i'm tired of typing, haha! i wna share one more section of the book-though not related to dating :
This last chapter is entitled: Someday I'll have my own story to tell.
It started off with Josh recounting the story of how his parents met. his dad was onstage playing the guitar, his mum was one of the audiences and attracted his attention. after the gig, he approached her- very hesitantly of course (i'd imagine the mum to be rather attractive cos josh is qte good looking himself, haha !) .
ANYWAY, this is what josh said of his dad : " here, someone my age, grips me. at this point in his (josh's dad) life, he has only recently returned to the Lord and to his hometown of dayton. i steal closer to my mum's table when i notice my dad try to appear aimless as he wanders in her direction. i had forgotten that as a young man, my dad faced an unknown and confusing world too. "
that struck me cos i have never thought abt things that way. (even though jan told me about rmbing that my parents started out as kids before, venturing into the unknown and taking risks all...)
OKAY, to end off the post, i quote josh's last line of the book:
I encourage you (and continue to remind myself) to write a love story with your life that you'll feel proud to tell.
-next up will be on thad's memorial run!!
firstly: Redeeming the time-Making the most of your singleness
1. Hustle while you wait
This means that we are not to waste the time we have on our hands. God entrusted us various talents and gifts, and expects us to to guard and use them wisely. 'Will we give Him a return on His investment in us?' Before we even begin a romantic rship, we have work to do! -Bad habits to get rid of, good habits to develop and character to build.
2. 'Watering camels'
The story of Rebekah (from the bible)-about how she met Abraham's servant while she was performing her daily task of collecting water from some well. The impt point to note is that "Rebekah was able to meet God's divine apptment for her life bcos she was faithfully carrying out her current obligations".
3. Practice now!
In that, you practice the skills that are required for married life now. Skills such as:
-Intimacy with closed ones present in one's life now (eg. family members)
-Seeking God with others (starting off with family first, then branching out to close, trusted friends)
-Financial responsibility (self explanatory!)
-Parenthood
-Practical life skills
The point of all these is not for the sole purpose of getting married though, one must note! The real reasons for these is so that one can grow in maturity and Christlikeness. becoming a good spouse is just a by-pdt.
There are-of course-other lists to help single people in this journey if they are struggling. Come ask me to borrow the book if you're interested, i'm tired of typing, haha! i wna share one more section of the book-though not related to dating :
This last chapter is entitled: Someday I'll have my own story to tell.
It started off with Josh recounting the story of how his parents met. his dad was onstage playing the guitar, his mum was one of the audiences and attracted his attention. after the gig, he approached her- very hesitantly of course (i'd imagine the mum to be rather attractive cos josh is qte good looking himself, haha !) .
ANYWAY, this is what josh said of his dad : " here, someone my age, grips me. at this point in his (josh's dad) life, he has only recently returned to the Lord and to his hometown of dayton. i steal closer to my mum's table when i notice my dad try to appear aimless as he wanders in her direction. i had forgotten that as a young man, my dad faced an unknown and confusing world too. "
that struck me cos i have never thought abt things that way. (even though jan told me about rmbing that my parents started out as kids before, venturing into the unknown and taking risks all...)
OKAY, to end off the post, i quote josh's last line of the book:
I encourage you (and continue to remind myself) to write a love story with your life that you'll feel proud to tell.
-next up will be on thad's memorial run!!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
"My main purpose is to publicise,&cfm, tt cyclists are bldy arrogant (if not very showy) ppl. My patience is tremendously tested hanging out w them. Like tonight." that was from tweeter.
Whoa this tom or is it dan or john... Haha, wtv man, its too insig. He kept asking sharm, '(condescending laughter), where did you pick THIS (referring to me) from'. I shut up because
1 i dont deny that im lousy
2 ultimately, im the one who benefits from tonights bike ride and i owe it to him. Lol
3 i console myself that while hes busy mocking others, when i reach his age-or just give me a few more years actly-, im going to be much more successful than him. Im gna be engaging in sth that is much more worthwhile and impactful rather than dissing younger, less experienced people.
Thats how i always calm myself down when people make fun of me. Wow, suddenly im reminded tht A LOT of different people actly ridicule me...whether its just teasing or insulting, you shldnt treat me like that ha. Because u do so anw, im entitled t respond w 3.
This condescending trait of cyclists is v distinctive! I think it stemmed partly from the confidence they require to cycle on rd. Because when you show your fear on the road, the monsters will react and taunt u further.
Ok anger moment over.
Am waiting for germany v greece match ltr! And~ i cycled for the first time by myself on road ^^ whooooo~ daebak! Ok tht was weird haha
Whoa this tom or is it dan or john... Haha, wtv man, its too insig. He kept asking sharm, '(condescending laughter), where did you pick THIS (referring to me) from'. I shut up because
1 i dont deny that im lousy
2 ultimately, im the one who benefits from tonights bike ride and i owe it to him. Lol
3 i console myself that while hes busy mocking others, when i reach his age-or just give me a few more years actly-, im going to be much more successful than him. Im gna be engaging in sth that is much more worthwhile and impactful rather than dissing younger, less experienced people.
Thats how i always calm myself down when people make fun of me. Wow, suddenly im reminded tht A LOT of different people actly ridicule me...whether its just teasing or insulting, you shldnt treat me like that ha. Because u do so anw, im entitled t respond w 3.
This condescending trait of cyclists is v distinctive! I think it stemmed partly from the confidence they require to cycle on rd. Because when you show your fear on the road, the monsters will react and taunt u further.
Ok anger moment over.
Am waiting for germany v greece match ltr! And~ i cycled for the first time by myself on road ^^ whooooo~ daebak! Ok tht was weird haha
Friday, June 22, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
been feeling (and thinking) very lousy of myself lately...
anywayyyyyyyyyy~ today's swim was reallllly tiring @.@ (it was the first swim trng with sim aqua after 999 months. i must give myself due credit though -it's not that ive not exercised in a long time, i was prob very lethargic from my useless dayz. lolzxz...
} thought i was over it already but today managed to revive some emotions. WHY?!?!!!!! hahaha i really dont know what's wrong with me... i must be too free, too free that i can nurse these useless thoughts. was so not being myself... and i realllllly DETEST being anybody but thy self. ok thank you ^^v
anywayyyyyyyyyy~ today's swim was reallllly tiring @.@ (it was the first swim trng with sim aqua after 999 months. i must give myself due credit though -it's not that ive not exercised in a long time, i was prob very lethargic from my useless dayz. lolzxz...
} thought i was over it already but today managed to revive some emotions. WHY?!?!!!!! hahaha i really dont know what's wrong with me... i must be too free, too free that i can nurse these useless thoughts. was so not being myself... and i realllllly DETEST being anybody but thy self. ok thank you ^^v
Sunday, June 17, 2012
There comes a point during the process when sluggish turns to energy, when angst turns to adrenaline, despair to passion.
And this transition changes in just a mere 15min interval. One extreme to another. Im here to note down what causes the change, because i loathe always waking up to the first stage. I dont know what it is though-i noted the wind agnst my face, breaking into cool air, and the ease of my feet pumping. Thats it. But tht changed my whole state.
Zzz mum just killed me twice tdy.
The first, her response when i said 'i think ive impressed quite a few adults i encounter in my life'. She said 'why are they impressed? Is it because they see a 22years old girl with no ambition? (GENUINELY o.o) people usually at 21yrs already have a goal in life-to be a dentist, to set up a business etc-but they see tt you are still so slack, you live life without bothering about such things' um....
And the second time, just to quote her 'you can give advice to people because it is your passion (okay, thats peoples perception of me only). You may not be good at the sport-what biathlon or triathlon- but you have been at it for so long'.
Wow thanks for the encouragement..
Is this sort of parenting good enough an 'excuse' for my lack of self esteem? Lol, cos thats how i dismiss my lack of drive, direction, my inadequateness.
HAHA had dinner w extended family ytd. San gu asked why i did not join jenny for mission trip to cambodia, i replied straight off, 'because i dont like someone in the team'. She made me repeat it twice HAHA, was that too frank? Lolz..
And this transition changes in just a mere 15min interval. One extreme to another. Im here to note down what causes the change, because i loathe always waking up to the first stage. I dont know what it is though-i noted the wind agnst my face, breaking into cool air, and the ease of my feet pumping. Thats it. But tht changed my whole state.
Zzz mum just killed me twice tdy.
The first, her response when i said 'i think ive impressed quite a few adults i encounter in my life'. She said 'why are they impressed? Is it because they see a 22years old girl with no ambition? (GENUINELY o.o) people usually at 21yrs already have a goal in life-to be a dentist, to set up a business etc-but they see tt you are still so slack, you live life without bothering about such things' um....
And the second time, just to quote her 'you can give advice to people because it is your passion (okay, thats peoples perception of me only). You may not be good at the sport-what biathlon or triathlon- but you have been at it for so long'.
Wow thanks for the encouragement..
Is this sort of parenting good enough an 'excuse' for my lack of self esteem? Lol, cos thats how i dismiss my lack of drive, direction, my inadequateness.
HAHA had dinner w extended family ytd. San gu asked why i did not join jenny for mission trip to cambodia, i replied straight off, 'because i dont like someone in the team'. She made me repeat it twice HAHA, was that too frank? Lolz..
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Got a pimple on my LIP and at my chin.... Its rly annoying... Just put some deadly cream on it-deadly cos the pain is excrutiating :(((( here to say: i hope the pain will be worth it. Its BURNING, oh maaaaan :'(
This is rly childish but , i looked at the mirror and had a gd stare at myself. Omg, so depressing.hahaaaaa. I know im supposed to love how i look cos im 'beautifully and wonderfully made' -anyway i shldnt care cos its the inside tt matters more than the outside- but i was still sad. I look like a wreck @.@
But wtv, the pain is crazy
This is rly childish but , i looked at the mirror and had a gd stare at myself. Omg, so depressing.hahaaaaa. I know im supposed to love how i look cos im 'beautifully and wonderfully made' -anyway i shldnt care cos its the inside tt matters more than the outside- but i was still sad. I look like a wreck @.@
But wtv, the pain is crazy
Friday, June 15, 2012
LOL this uncle added me on fb. We're gna attend an event tgt so 'you hv to find me and say hi ok? I think it will be easier for you to find me than the other way round'. HAHAHA so cute.... And he added 'i will be with raphael' whom im assuming is his son. Only that i dont know who his son is, haha! Its v cute to see how the older generation interact on social mediums.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Just finished 3 chpts of HG. Every chpt ends w a cliff hanger.... And suspense doesnt sit well with me at all. So i squeeze nxt t jan&fang and shall tolerate slping like this tngt lol.
Making i shld stop reading when im mid chpt. Then agn, ithink ill finish the bk tmr. Cldnt restrain myself and flipped the pages ard....... Prim dies? :((( gale&katniss are separated... And it seems like President snow is defeated, but the new leadership is equally stifling. Ahh @.@
Making i shld stop reading when im mid chpt. Then agn, ithink ill finish the bk tmr. Cldnt restrain myself and flipped the pages ard....... Prim dies? :((( gale&katniss are separated... And it seems like President snow is defeated, but the new leadership is equally stifling. Ahh @.@
'Panem et Circenses' = bread and circuses. Ie, in return for full bellies and entertainment, political responsibilities-therefore power- is to be given up.
For the Capitol, food and entertainment wld be provided at the expense of the districts. As long as these 'keep rolling in', the little empire is controlled.
For the Capitol, food and entertainment wld be provided at the expense of the districts. As long as these 'keep rolling in', the little empire is controlled.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
been meaning to give a review of my recent trip with my extended family to australia. (will be concentrating ONLY on australia itself)
disclaimer: the statement 'it doesn't matter where you go, it is the company that matters' rings true for the trip. the family made the trip that much more bearable.
was not looking forward to gg to perth at all. when the family decided on the destination, i even made a mental note to decline when asked-it was janny that put my name down anyway. the reasons i did not want to go to perth are because 1 perth is in australia, rmit is in australia and i hate rmit .:. i did not want to have anymore associated with the ctry lol 2 i went to perth in 2005 with mg fr a 'sports trip' and the experience was really bad (not only because the only person i was acquantained with was my roommate. i just did not like the feel i got when i was there)
so anyway i am back from australia alive, not regretting the trip but with a renewed vow that i'll nvr nvr nvr nvrrrrrrrrr go back there...!!! not in the mood to phrase my experiences like a prose-cos that requires more energy than the ctry deserves frm me-so i'll just pt form them
1 perth is very relaxed-to a pt where they seem inefficient and wasteful of their resources (sth which i cant stand). the whole atmosphere is very slow paced-cant say that abt their workers though, so i dont know what the contributing factor is- and the shops are almost perpetually closed lol!
2 while some citizens are friendly-sth that i agree with; i dont like how singaporeans avoid acknowledgement w strangers because we all belong to the same (human) race.i find it disrespectful and inhumane not to acknowledge another's presence lol- others are racist. we only encountered a few racist ppl but these experiences are enough to overthrow everything else. it angered me greatly and caused me to think of perthians as close-minded, ignorant and dumb. i'm SORRY haha but this is a sensitive issue ,man!
3 the variety of food sorely lacks. a friend pointed out that my family avoided the many different cuisines available . but, i'm in freaking australia. i want to eat some aussie food, not italian- i can do that at home or in italy itself (^^ !!!!!!!!!!!).
cant think of anymore, and skywayyyavenue.tumblr.com cant provide more pters (hehe). so i must talk abt 3 good...encounters in australia (ctry related! no talking abt my family- that will take too long. my family is awesome)
1 one night, on our drive home, everyone was pretty stoned because it was 7pm (that's akin to singapore 11pm LOL the sun sets early). joel korkor switched on the radio-OHYES THE RADIO. DAMN THE RADIO :/ whole day advocating free sex. what a turn off-and after few days of tuning in, you sort of get aussie's style and can sing to their songs-yes they repeat songs like mad. i was still pretty awake and a catchy song came up. (dno how not t sound weird BUT) i started bobbing to the it, getting into the whole feel of the song and looked out of the car. just when i turned, a guy from the adjacent car turned too and was bobbing as well. in sync some more. BEST, i dont know abt him but i felt majorly awkward and instintively turned back and froze. LOL. the second time our cars passed, he and his friends were looking at me and laughing. wtv it is, as what jan said, that guy was not bad looking! haha!
2 ran on two of the mornings. EXCELLENT weather for runs :) i like the mornings, at 645 and it's pretty bright alr
3 everything is massive there. i like big spaces as i feel unrestrained.
4 went for fremantle's prison tour (which was really ex actly) but it sparked the prison break passion i had 3yrs ago so whoo :) is it just me or are prison stuff v interesting...
next up, some pointers from kiss dating goodbye!
disclaimer: the statement 'it doesn't matter where you go, it is the company that matters' rings true for the trip. the family made the trip that much more bearable.
was not looking forward to gg to perth at all. when the family decided on the destination, i even made a mental note to decline when asked-it was janny that put my name down anyway. the reasons i did not want to go to perth are because 1 perth is in australia, rmit is in australia and i hate rmit .:. i did not want to have anymore associated with the ctry lol 2 i went to perth in 2005 with mg fr a 'sports trip' and the experience was really bad (not only because the only person i was acquantained with was my roommate. i just did not like the feel i got when i was there)
so anyway i am back from australia alive, not regretting the trip but with a renewed vow that i'll nvr nvr nvr nvrrrrrrrrr go back there...!!! not in the mood to phrase my experiences like a prose-cos that requires more energy than the ctry deserves frm me-so i'll just pt form them
1 perth is very relaxed-to a pt where they seem inefficient and wasteful of their resources (sth which i cant stand). the whole atmosphere is very slow paced-cant say that abt their workers though, so i dont know what the contributing factor is- and the shops are almost perpetually closed lol!
2 while some citizens are friendly-sth that i agree with; i dont like how singaporeans avoid acknowledgement w strangers because we all belong to the same (human) race.i find it disrespectful and inhumane not to acknowledge another's presence lol- others are racist. we only encountered a few racist ppl but these experiences are enough to overthrow everything else. it angered me greatly and caused me to think of perthians as close-minded, ignorant and dumb. i'm SORRY haha but this is a sensitive issue ,man!
3 the variety of food sorely lacks. a friend pointed out that my family avoided the many different cuisines available . but, i'm in freaking australia. i want to eat some aussie food, not italian- i can do that at home or in italy itself (^^ !!!!!!!!!!!).
cant think of anymore, and skywayyyavenue.tumblr.com cant provide more pters (hehe). so i must talk abt 3 good...encounters in australia (ctry related! no talking abt my family- that will take too long. my family is awesome)
1 one night, on our drive home, everyone was pretty stoned because it was 7pm (that's akin to singapore 11pm LOL the sun sets early). joel korkor switched on the radio-OHYES THE RADIO. DAMN THE RADIO :/ whole day advocating free sex. what a turn off-and after few days of tuning in, you sort of get aussie's style and can sing to their songs-yes they repeat songs like mad. i was still pretty awake and a catchy song came up. (dno how not t sound weird BUT) i started bobbing to the it, getting into the whole feel of the song and looked out of the car. just when i turned, a guy from the adjacent car turned too and was bobbing as well. in sync some more. BEST, i dont know abt him but i felt majorly awkward and instintively turned back and froze. LOL. the second time our cars passed, he and his friends were looking at me and laughing. wtv it is, as what jan said, that guy was not bad looking! haha!
2 ran on two of the mornings. EXCELLENT weather for runs :) i like the mornings, at 645 and it's pretty bright alr
3 everything is massive there. i like big spaces as i feel unrestrained.
4 went for fremantle's prison tour (which was really ex actly) but it sparked the prison break passion i had 3yrs ago so whoo :) is it just me or are prison stuff v interesting...
next up, some pointers from kiss dating goodbye!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Friday, June 08, 2012
everytime i get overwhelmed, or
lose my sense of place in this society,
i lose all these negativity after a mere session with my running shoes
it's so crazy really, that running means so much to me. people keep telling me how amazed they are at my dedication (or love) for running-i woke up 2hrs earlier>rest during aus trip twice jst t run in e frosting weather (ok that on another day. the run was a good exp haha)- , but i tell them straight to the face: to be honest, i hate it. but it makes me feel good. it makes me feel alive. (its ironic really, feeling more alive the closer you are to death.)
WHY THIS LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP???? :( ha ha ha...
oh gosh, anyway prison break is getting crazy. thank God episode 7 ended on a safe note. jenni and i can go slp in peace now............... adrenaline..... @.@
ok, tmr i'm gna wake up at 9am and make my phone call to sim at 10am. then i will start on japan. i really dont know how to get cfmation...but i guess i'll just move along and get things gng. anyway, if things are meant to be, it will work out right? and if it is against God's will then thigns wont. and that will my indication to stop. or to do sth else about it. i hope this doesnt mean that i'm testing You, God... becaues that is not my intention at all...!
alright i better stop, i'm too shaken by prisonbreak....
#can i just add that , 1 i have no idea how i went through this last time O.O
2 this show was what kept me going during my crazy j2 days... i rmb trudging through the week-through the early mornings, crazy confusing lectures, energy sucking trngs, and all over again- except on thurs. thurs mornings always saw me up and chirpy and driven. a spontaneous determination to get through the day well and alive, do a good and efficient trng so that i can rush home by 10pm to catch prison break. :) ah, prison break kept me going through the week man.... sounds good, eh? but the all too well known phrase came up : all good things come to an end. how did my 'good thing' end? our tv broke down on us so that was the end of looking-forward-to-thursdays-energy..............
ps kiss dating goodbye was qte a bore for me cos i found it unapplicable with all the 'no-sex', 'no lustful thoughts', 'no coverting' and 'no physical intimacy' etc etc etc talk..-dont even have anyone remotely close in my life now- but twds the ending chpts, it is beginning to make sense to me. and i was guilty of certain stuff they talked abt before, so maybe this is a good time to critically reevaluate my past and more so, what caused me to think in such a manner. 'nip the problem at its bud'
ok gd ngt future me :)
lose my sense of place in this society,
i lose all these negativity after a mere session with my running shoes
it's so crazy really, that running means so much to me. people keep telling me how amazed they are at my dedication (or love) for running-i woke up 2hrs earlier>rest during aus trip twice jst t run in e frosting weather (ok that on another day. the run was a good exp haha)- , but i tell them straight to the face: to be honest, i hate it. but it makes me feel good. it makes me feel alive. (its ironic really, feeling more alive the closer you are to death.)
WHY THIS LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP???? :( ha ha ha...
oh gosh, anyway prison break is getting crazy. thank God episode 7 ended on a safe note. jenni and i can go slp in peace now............... adrenaline..... @.@
ok, tmr i'm gna wake up at 9am and make my phone call to sim at 10am. then i will start on japan. i really dont know how to get cfmation...but i guess i'll just move along and get things gng. anyway, if things are meant to be, it will work out right? and if it is against God's will then thigns wont. and that will my indication to stop. or to do sth else about it. i hope this doesnt mean that i'm testing You, God... becaues that is not my intention at all...!
alright i better stop, i'm too shaken by prisonbreak....
#can i just add that , 1 i have no idea how i went through this last time O.O
2 this show was what kept me going during my crazy j2 days... i rmb trudging through the week-through the early mornings, crazy confusing lectures, energy sucking trngs, and all over again- except on thurs. thurs mornings always saw me up and chirpy and driven. a spontaneous determination to get through the day well and alive, do a good and efficient trng so that i can rush home by 10pm to catch prison break. :) ah, prison break kept me going through the week man.... sounds good, eh? but the all too well known phrase came up : all good things come to an end. how did my 'good thing' end? our tv broke down on us so that was the end of looking-forward-to-thursdays-energy..............
ps kiss dating goodbye was qte a bore for me cos i found it unapplicable with all the 'no-sex', 'no lustful thoughts', 'no coverting' and 'no physical intimacy' etc etc etc talk..-dont even have anyone remotely close in my life now- but twds the ending chpts, it is beginning to make sense to me. and i was guilty of certain stuff they talked abt before, so maybe this is a good time to critically reevaluate my past and more so, what caused me to think in such a manner. 'nip the problem at its bud'
ok gd ngt future me :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)