I dreamt abt my future boyf

So yes, i dreamt abt him! It was rly qte cute hahahaha okay and suddenly im thinking all of the ppl tt may drop by here occasionally so i shall stop here

"you are responsible for your role in a relationship. How you respond to people > how people treat you. If you dont like the way someone treats you, then you change it. If you carry on with it, then youre telling that person its okay to treat you like that. It becomes your fault.

If i did what i wanted instead of fretting about who would hate me as a result, then id be happier. At a basic level, id have done what i wanted; at a top level, i wld have found out who truly loved me and would have stuck with me. '
-the chocolate run

What a bimbotic girly but apt book.

I really dont need this now :((( my body feels so hot but my fingers and toes are so damn cold.... Feeling rather ache y all over too... And when i walk ard, i feel faint! I shld think im feeling feverish... Haha. Sucks that i can attribute these feelings to a cause :( shows tt im acquainted w sickness. I nvr fell sick for yearssss and jst this year alone i fell sick thrice!!!! Zzz :((

Reaaaaally dont like this lethargic feeling overwhelming me...... :(((

'I'm one who believes in destiny and falling in love at first sight. Like when I'm in subways or standing at traffic junctions, I would get very nervous... Just in case I meet her.'
- Kyuhyun :))

this very aptly explains my nervous behaviour during the first moments when i first step onto unfamiliar ground! i'm not agreeing because of the guy...just in case YOU think so... haha...

"... probably cos at this time when everyone is deep in slumber, i feel the most alive."
-suddenly felt that when i was having supper at 3am just now... ha :/

"for the first time in my life, i dont know what i am supposed to do."

'well, i suppose, for people to find out what they are meant to do, they need to realise that they dont know what to do with their life first'

There was one training at macritchie on a Saturday morning. I checked my watch at the half way mark and realized that if I kept at my pace, I'd hit a pb. I was feeling strong and cld even push my pace. So my pb was broken by a fair bit.

Fast forward into a few wks or mths, I had just came back from a hiatus. I was good enough to try a decent time but not good enough to challenge my pb. At some point of time during the run, I decided to run with someone of lower level than me. And I pushed her. I talked to her throughout the entire way. I encouraged her, I checked time. I made her chase me when she slowed down. In the end, she crossed the finish line not with a pb like a glorious movie ending but somewhere near it, of which she hasn't touched for quite some time now. The gratitude and happiness displayed, the feeling of being important and needed ..all these combined and made the latter scenario a much more satisfying run..

Celebrated jolenes 21st bday try with her family , boyfriend and Vicki. It was such an amazing time of dinner.
I don't know what it is, maybe it's from the drama that I've been immersed in for the past 2-3 days, but I felt extreme sadness when I came home.. I felt alone, I felt fear, I felt disapppontment from a failed attempt.

The drama I've been watching is Dream High. It has pulled along great tidals of emotions, the simplest emotions of happiness and sadness, of uncertainty, hatred, BOREDOM heh, hope, curiosity and dream. The title is so cliche but the show resurfaced many of my dreams and magnified them. Maybe it s the show or maybe I'm just growing up...

Dad came back today. This genius brought everything out of the cab except a pouch with his iPad and some cash inside. I was so frustrated and upset that I punched a box. I don't know why I acted as such... Was his white hair becoming more obvious, his eyes getting more sunken, eye bags protruding more, cheeks getting more sagged..the effects of aging becoming more evident? Coupled with the weakness in his expression and actions because he's suffering from food poisoning....

When I heard his gagging sounds, one phrase flashed to mind: it is difficult to hate someone when he is at his weakest.

Very soon I'm going to become a mother.. And I promise right here and now that I'd fight all the way for my kids.
I don't know if it is going to be beneficial or whether they even want it,. What I do know is that this is something that I greatly desire. And so I won't stop until they tell me straight to my face to stop my nonsense.

I guess Time is of value too, just like how we put a value to cash. I've always wondered why people wanted to live longer...what can or what will you do with more time? I've no answer to that..and this is where my weakness starts to show.

A dysfunctional family leads to bad upbringing of the children.
That's it , do I want to bring people in to the world and jeopardize them ?

Or is love all that is needed .

they say that i'm alex's best friend. it really warmed my heart :) and made me proud that he treats me as a best friend...

then i stop short in my tracks and wonder whether that was very sad cos alex is a rabbit..and hes prob my only best friend . haha

i really like hangeng's look! lolllll v endearign like seulong. i rly dont rmb which guy has that look cos it looks v familiar. oh and, i like real steel's song during its credits. wonder what it is..

sighhh...

one week ago my life was as such:

them: where do you study?
me: sim-rmit, biz mgmt, major finance. i dno what i'm gna minor in...maybe HR or mting

now;
them: where do you study?
me: (hmmm, i used to have a major in finance... but with the new system, i'm technically no longer a finance major...even though in reality, i still take finance as a major... i dont rly get the new system as well. shld i bother explaining to them?...) sim-rmit, biz mgmt.


sianz tothemax haha

just brisked through an article abt steve jobs.... i stopped after a while because i was too repulsed by the stuff that were reported on him. all said, he was a good man. just like the guy who passed on while on some national expedition (wht was his name agn ??) . and wo stevejobs, we wldnt be using apple and prob still living in the nokia era. this is sth he said that got to me :

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

we are all gna die anyway so just go for it because there is nothing to lose

yes

the older we get, the less we write.

DAMN IT! WHAT A TERRIBLE REVELATION :( I SHALL WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE TDY

Gna officially start at one...

Nothing much tdy cos i slept practically the whole day away.. Saw a tall angmoh tdy w rly defined cheekbones but is extra skinny.

Bit my tongue during dinner haha ok

Most precious moment of the day came 6.45 hrs within the day. I was still slping. Ryan was changed and was lazing on e bed i was. It was either due to his presence or all of the shouting ard tt i woke up...and i woke up to ryans finger jst below my nose...you know the action tt ppl do to check if someone is still breathing and alive. i was lkke wth????? Hahaha he left his finger there and was looking away. So i lunged forward suddenly and tried to bit his finger. He managed to dogde in time, but was rly startled in e process haha! He exclaimed and fell onto the bed in shock ahhahaha. Then we two laughed at each other. :) k gdngt

Oh and i watched crazy stupid love, the movie ive been anticipating for a while naoooo. Mmm, its ok....

But one thing isrsly cldnt help noticing was tht jojo and rum laughed simultaneously at sooo many times. Noticed it more when i didnt find certain parts funny and they did ..hahaha.

It wasnt a v good movie anw... Jst ok... My fave part was when the mum called the dad aft she got the kids busy w icecream...they were getting a divorce by thn. Anw, she called and bluffed abt a faulty bulb or sth and asked for help. Being e nice guy he was, he patiently wentthrough the steps w her.

The catch was tht all thesewhile, he was outside the hse andwatchinghis kids and exwifetobe. So for the slow ppl, he knew tt his wife was faking a prob so tt she cld call him. And listened t his voice. (j&r were laughing then) but personally, i felt tt this part was v sad.. I guess its bcos i cld empathise w the mum abt her feelings leading t the phone call... Beautifully remorseful.

:)))

Ok as of ytd, i complete 2/3 of my projs for this sem. So first part of tdy was meant t be a celebration! :) and this day rly was a brillant one. Rly glad tt my expectations didnt kill it :) heres why :
1 watched a movie!
2 bought the BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS cd o.o it was e first time i bought sth so quickly despite its price and wo mths of deliberation
3 drank eskimo!!!:)))
4 ate yami yoghurt! A whole tub ~
5 joannes bday present t meeeee :)))) ok i dont think many come here; its a nichkun poster <333 meltz

Went t meet egloo to do im. Nice hse!:) and i accomplished my goal of reading e courseguide&picking a company hahaha ; zara. O.o rly hope i dont change my choice...

HAD MY FIRST BIKE RIDE TOOOO. I think tht the worst part was putting on e helmet cos its BLOODY claustrophic. I can still feel e pressure on my skull x( was rly nervous before tt cos i thought thered be the rollarcoaster feeling. But all my fears were unfounded :) rly enjoyed it! It was a great way t end my wonderful day :)) ! I was thinking tt itd be rly nice for a couple to motorbike ard cos e feeling is awesome and itd be nice t go thru it w someone you love. Haha. #thinkdad&mumwhentheywereyoung. <3

Gdngt! :)))) got a great movie waiting. But a good few days of chionging proj first!!!

(oh and if not for rum, next thurs is my bday wld hv ttly gone by wo my knowing hahaha. Omg. Ttly didnt know tht it was approaching THAAAAT soon zz :( i hate it....)

The recent race

I dont intend to reflect now.. But reading all those stuff rly makes me reconsider my mentality tt day and what racing rly means.. This rly reminds me of sec sch days. All the emotional support and endless hours of conversations about the race before and aft it even.

Hahaha random photo taken oneday whn i was at nus

OMG. Blogger expanding to into the applr industry is AWESOMEEE. Love this!:))

I wish i nvr liked liverpool haha.... Yeah we had good times...but its been bad for pretttty long now :(

Im either being too sensitive or i really dont like being part of a rumour/gossip/scandal. Wtv you call it. Lollll

Errors are inevitable in races. So dont be disheartened if you feel tired halfway. :)

I like how he dismisses tiredness as a mistake. (Y)

Also rmb how squek wld remind us "fast and relax". An oxymoron but so indeed true.

And tng's pma. :)

Had a brillant trng session tdy ! :) was feeling strong whoopie. But my legs are aching nw. GD ACHE tho. Tired but happy :)

I wrote this t my sister once. I dont know rmb whr the hell it came from. Haha.

"dont worry for the race. You aren't being held at gun point, you aren't starving with four kids to feed, you arent running from a war stricken place. You are just running 2 laps of a track with a bunch of other girls to challenge your limits...for fun. So go out there, have fun and do your best. :)"

I was reminded of this aft seeing a friends fb post on taking every single trng as suicide and running as hard as you can like its the last run of your life. Haha.

For years ive been in the pursuit of knowing God's plan for me.. Knowing my purpose in life.. Finding out what God has installed for my life and what im meant to do/live for. It had gotten to the point where i was so desperate to know tht not possessing such knowledge broke me down and caused me to toss it away.

I was reading an article tdy abt The origins of humans (updated tdy) and was reminded of a segment of my 'heavy' conversation ytd w the lady. She mentioned tht a couple went to her house one day and told each indiv member of her family their indiv purpose in life. It was thrilling just putting myself into her shoes and thinking tht "omg. I KNOW my purpose in life. I know why God created me".

But this morning, i was struck with a qn : what wld i do if i knew my purpose in life? How wld my lifestyle change?

Then it occurred to me that maybe God hasnt told me my purpose in life all these years because : im not ready to know it.

Cos i told myself to jst accept any and everyone on fb, i feel tht my privacy has been robbed of me. Twitter wise to... Ok maybe not robbed, but i just feel so conscience typing anything there! Id feel like im trying t attract attention or sth.. :/ so therefore im back here to my ole trusty "rawkwivme" hahaha. Am trying to do a 2hrs nap, 2hrs read my stuff till tuition at 10 hopefully. 4 hrs of slp. Haha :( i dno... I feel so lost. I

feel so helpless. Maybe because of Lack of prac and unawareness, i might hv pushed things too much w a certain person. I was just checking the duration and the realisation shocked me!! I can be so irrational at times :( sincerely hope tht its jst over thinking on my part and our friendship isnt ruined!! #hesitates for the while. Haha.

Been thinking abt the meaning of life and existence qte a bit lately.. Always do when im chionging for exams or projs hahah :( i guess my upbringing in church has tweaked my mindset to associate the meaning of life with God. Which i dont disagree agnst...jst tht im trying to look for alt ans....?... Yeah :/ what am i doing lahhh. Hahaha zzz.

Made a new friend a work a while back. Whenever we talk, ill be late for trng WO FAIL. Hahaha. Shes rly bubbly and talkative so i jst sit thr and listen actly. Today, the topic was on her family. She was sharing with me abt the spiritual encounters her family members are gng through. Its really scary and intimidating just listening to her recounts. (this can open a door for a whole post of my opnions on this issue btw ahha). But she also shared abt how her family has overcame previous encounters and how optimistic she is abt this one. She spoke with such gusto and hope i actly felt like shuddering. Her faith and hope in God is jst so immense. I dont know whether its my neutrality twds God now, or the state i was in (the 'so tired tht i feel like im in another realm' state) or the "devils work" but even though i felt v encouraged and touched by her story, i was...feeling jst normal la. I thought such stories should convict my heart...

Ok my brain is emptied. I cant think of anymore words to say.

Oh, maybe tht.... If its possible, itd be rly cool if i cld bring sui and ronaldmac to ri for lunch!!!

i wish that i knew the words to say..

I wake up to your sunset,and it's driving me mad.

~ nice song ! rly like the lyrics too. v nicely crafted out. AND THE MUSIC VIDEO <3333 HAHAHA. the airport scene is frigging awesome. love it !!

anw, when i was teaching my kids ytd, and asking for responses (the kids like to compete to raise their hands) , i was suddenly hit w the image of sunita kumar and tukil sitting atop a rock while i was sitting at a lower one next to them. we were basking under the sun, and i was playing mental sums with them/stoning . hahah it was v funny to me cos my counterparts were still in class frantically trying to finish what they set out to teach. i was just too bored and sian abt teaching alr since it was abt 15min to the end of our v last lesson :(

sighhhh that image is a very strong one in my mind because it was one of my most personal moments w the kids. and i rly feel for these three kids more than the rest.

I cant slp.... Wpke up ard 535 am and been hanging ard since. Hahah omgggg. Why why why. Im afraid id be tired ltr :( and my tooth hurtsssss. :((( owwww :(

i've alr proclaimed so on fb... but i've to do it here agn for record purposes heh.

TODAY, i had my first lecture on OT. organisational theory. i enjoyed myself TTM!! i was on the edge of my seat almost the entire time (partly due to the the tall guy in front of me that kept blockign my view too) . simply put, i was HOOKED. and i did not even feel the slightest sleepiness the entire time :) cant wait for my next lecture!! theres a quote at the end of the lecture slides which was epic. here goes! :

Erma Bombeck: I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

LOLZXZZX (Y)heheheh :) so funny.

i told my mama abt it. the first thing she asked was :is it because of the way the lecturer delivers it? i responded with a resounding NO!!!!, but maybe yes also cos this the youngest lecturer ive met, and hes v easy gng.

as i reviewed my lecture notes tngt (which is first haha!), i suddenly realise that what i learnt tdy wasnt much. i'm starting to wonder if its rly due t the lecturer hahah.arrghh wtv i enjoyed myself :)

swim trng was ok too. i'm rly enjoying it now because i've no pressure to perform well, or hit a certain timing etc. in the past, it was always associated with pressure and scoldings and negative competition stress. if only i can find such joy in running :/

i dno if i've said this... and publicising this potentially ruins my image but . I HAVE TO SAY THIS! hahah ! my cousin KEEPS talking abt introducing her church friend to me. that's alr bad enough rgt. but the worse thing is that , hes like 28yrs old. hahahah omgggg it's rly so weird. i used to object noisily when she brought it up. but now i jst play along because the suggestions she puts forth (like, having a grp movie outing/bringing me to her church to visit) are like , bloody hilarious. omg. hahaha .(i realised that i rly dont like that idea because , i dont like being shortchanged. i'm too prideful, i dont wna receive things that i can achieve only with hardwork and effort)

am not satisfied with life now because i dont feel that i'm actly making full use of my life and contributing to society to my fullest potential...

if roles were reversed, i'd be a knight to you. i'd be your prince.

my emotions were raging tdy. irrationally and terribly. but even nw tht i'm ok, i still think tht i'm not being too sensitive to think tht you're angry at me. or so it seems. your behaviour towards me now is rly horrid.and to make matters worse, it affects me a lot. i hate tht it affects me... i shall jst attribute it to studying stress...but i rly dont wna be ur punching bag. i dont think i deserve such treatment .

it is so painful gng thru tdy... i've a family whom i love more than anything in the world....but they keep stepping over me, they keep putting themselves in front of us, they dont care abt us. i was away for the entire day tdy and no one except fish contacted me; of which was done so because i texted her first... this, for the second time in recent times, causes me to doubt my sacrifice to make time and effort to be w them.

its not easy to look ahead and prevent gravity from dragging tears out

choosing to be a runner is choosing a lifestyle and not a sport.

so true! zz. bored bored bored. and super tired so i dont feel energetic enough to go out :( or do anything :(

I explained to my sis abt a state tht i can get into in great detail, in the most accurate measure through words once. I was in the zone! Now i am not in the zone, so i cant explain it... But

I am in that state again. So, tdy was tough.

Surprisingly though, i dont feel it when i run. Running makes me more alive than in my resting state.

Am on a mission to be a gd friend. In aero's words : you shld be nicer (not push people away). It was rly a huge blow...so big tht i think im rdy to throw myself into foreseen-ed awkward situations just so tht i can be that person thr for you, or for the cultivating of potentially starting sth new. :) yess.

cant think of any how else to phrase myself cos im in 'that state'. The horrible thing now is tbat im fully aware im in the state , but i cant do anything abt it to get out of it :(

"Ive too much of it , i need to give it away"

I was once told that if i committed a mistake once, it aint my fault; i just havent mastered the adequate skills. If the same mistake is committed a second time, maybeee i need more time. The third time, i really need more time. But if it happens over and over and over again, it shld be pretty obvious tht im the problem.

Sucks :/ im worth nth but i dont know why i expect people to treat me specially . Who am i to expect such treatment from them? Im very irrational.... Feelings are irrational. :(

Anw, wow. Rafael's presence was aweeesome tdy. He'll be back! ! ! !!!

I am alone now. Im free to do wtv i want, walk ard naked even...cos i just asked for help. Hah

I may be in committing the same "sin" nw but at least i will do my best to make up for it ltr. Haha. For now, im nt giving up hope for thats all i have left in the world. Comeon rafaaaa

I was reading through my old notebooks. I realised that many of the things i struggle w now, i also struggled with when i was 15. I overcame them during the course of my life, but ultimately . Those problems went one full circle and im taunted by them agn :/

Exact same fears.. Almost written down in the exact same manner. Can i still be the same innocent, vulnerable girl i was 6 years ago? :/

Go nadal!!!!!!!!!!!! (tiring t watch alone tho.. Eeps, persevereeee!)

i have nothing much to say today except;

PLEASEeeeee, PLEASE.....please take care of your teeth :'(

i went to the dentist tdy and....and it was hell :((( i wanted to cry..but i was too in pain to cry!! i dno how i can be friends with raechelle koh xin ru aft she grads frm dentistry........

Anw, random buttttt . I just rmbed tht otw back frm nepal, i watched the sunset. And saw stars tht were right in front of me and within arms reach. It was amazing..... It was stunning. The coolest part was tht, as i watched those amazing feats of nature chronologically, the timing btwn each "activity" was so short tht - at one pt, i cld see the the sunsetting on window 5 and the stars on window 9. It was insanely profound

Will he love you like I loved you?
Will he tell you every day?
Will he make you feel like you're invincible
With every word he'll say?


Can you promise me if this was right,
Don't throw it all away?
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things
Like we used to...

i am gonna talk abt 3 particular incidents ;

1) recently, i went for my dad's poly friend's bday party. i met uncle's two kids-boy and girl-, of whom, i vaguely rmb mtg in pri sch. ANYWAY, the thing is, we were having a nice atas dinner at this restaurant. the prawns tht were being served were left in abundance probably cos not many wanted to dirty their fingers. boy came over to our table and asked abt the left over prawns. i SORT OF whined about how we wld dirty our fingers if we were to consume them. what he did next ttly shocked me; he just let out a huge sigh, plonked himself on the chair next to me and proceeded to peel prawns for us. without hesitation-or knowing our names even, i think. haha i was damn impressed la. having such a korkor wld be so cool ^^v

2) we had sim-nepal bbq on friday, and i was left with maggie for a while due to circumstances. because we were alone, i think we became more open with each other. and we chatted a bit. not like super deep talk, but the personal touch to the conversation was absolutely amazing. i really loved it. it was natural, not forced, and things just flowed...for lack of a btr word HAHA, naturally. that is the kind of conversations i crave for..yknow. dont get me wrong, i'm ttly ONZ for bull talk. but not all the time obviously

3) TO CUT THINGS SHORT, i was running late to catch the last train that ngt; and there was a lot of commotion gng all over abt how i'm gna get back home. ( awwww OMG. srsly, i was really frigging touched by that scene... it was damn nice to see how they all were so concerned abt my safety :') sigh....!! they are such genuine and nice ppl :))) ) amidst all that, i noticed a few things. (of those few things, this one thing struck me cos it followed w a conclusion) elephant called across the table to donny..suggesting sth like , forking out 10$ each to 'sponsor' my cab fare ? or sth. which eventually they both did la. i was deeply moved by their actions! i'm not even close to elly at all so i was v surprised by his initiation. and the 'speech' he gave to convince me to accept the $$ was v sweet :) (ok but fyi, i didnt accept it OKKKK. he threw the notes in before he closed the cab door)

alrightz, i'm just writing all these down for memory's sake.

People write to experience life twice; once in the moment, the other in retrospect.

yes. i dont know 1) and 3) v well but their actions moved me cos i found those v gentlemanly :))) yay!

tdy during the short prayer in svc, my prayer request ( btw, all these are spontaneous actly. they arent even stuff that i deliberately mull over during the course of the week) was that i'd find God's heart....well, i DO REALLY WNA find His heart... anywayzxz, before willy prayed taht for me, he said this first " thank You (God) for giving tiffany a heart to know after You" . and that struck me...bcos i thought that was a given. BUT when he said that , it made me realise that to want to know God and love Him, it takes anointing. it is a gift to have that desire.

i came home qte late last ngt cos of work. the surprising thing was that dad texted me, said he'd meet me at the bball court. which he rly did so hahaha :) he ran a bit, sit ups for a while. then we walked back home. i was rly touched... (ok i keep alternating between touched and moved. hahaha i srsly need to expand my vocab!!) but I TOTAHHHHLLY ruined the mood. i got my friend t call so i was talking all the way back home. i dno why i didnt hang up... i guess, even though i really wanted to relish in the moment and the surroundings with dad, i.... i didnt dare to let my heart loose?

OHWELLZ. ok tmi!! TOO MUCH INFO. hahahha! anw my pimples are being rly naughty. STOP COMING OUTTT :(((

i heard a song during bbq... and I FINALLY FOUND THE SONG. I'M TAUTALII LOVIN' ITTTT <3 i REALLY like the approach the lyrics-writer took. a bit too sexual but a bit tweaking here and there and it shld be good for me !!! i shall paste it here :

A rocket to the moon-Like we used to
V1
I can feel her breath
As she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart
Fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him

Chorus
Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to Purple Rain?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?

V2
Fourteen months and seven days ago
Oh, I know you know
How we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
Oh we took it slow
And we both know
It should have been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him in the dark

Bridge
I know love
(I'm a sucker for that feeling)
Happens all the time, love
(I always end up feeling cheated)
You're on my mind, love
(Oh darling, I know I'm not needed)
It happens all the time, love, yeah

Oh, like we used to ~

what a sweeeeeeeet soooooong :)

Jst watched something borrowed. I still dont find the guy good looking haha. Rly dno what jiji sees in him :p the rship btwn the two best girlfriends rly reminds me of my rship w jiji. Like how one isthe spokesperson for both, how one person makes the decision for both, how one always gives in to the other, how one dominates and thr othrr submits ; yet the rship is still v loving and both still loves each other (ignoting the outcomr of e show haha)

Eeps. Its gna rain qte heavily. Lightning pls dont be bad!!

At least once a day, id think how im ever gna be able to eventually get married cos im frigging 21 yrs old alr haha and i still have no wish to be attached. And i always fear tt id jst settle for someone normal and not one i rly 'love' jst cos im scared id nvr find anyone else whod accept me..and i dont wna be old and lonely. Lolzxz :/ ive rly lil faith in Gods plan for me

I wna be connected to my creator and be told what im made for so that i can fully utilise the capabilities engineered into me. I dont want my existance here to be useless and futile!! How how how. Helpzx :(

(

1) and foremost, i rly dont like it that mediacorp doesnt place much emphasis on masterchef! :((( masterchefs next episode is delayed agn by a week....zzzzz :((( sian ttm!!! Anw i rly love masterchef. And tbh, i dont rmb e winner tho ive been told before. So... :) GO LEE!!!!!

2) been standing ard ALOT for work and i think my bad knee is kinda inflammed or swollen or sth :/ :( i have to limp a bit kinda to move ard... :(

3) saw some old pics of myself...and sisters. It was kinda saddening to cos now i know why i was like tht..sort of

4) MY PHONEEEEEE :(((( ohmaaaaan. What happenedddd. Zzz :(((

Elvin ng!!!~ aww maaaaan ^^ hahahahhaha. Oh plz i hope he or anyone related t him sees this. So embarrassing.

"Anw wa rj rocks cause when i have a problem, all the rj ppl will rack their brains to solve it" -jenny.

Aww maaaan. Rly miss this aspect of raffles so much :( ive been craving for deep/intellectual talk for years now... The last was prob w fang recently, which was one sided and...lasted for five min only :/ thankfully sim ,yes sim, has A FEW ppl who like t engage in such conversations :)

Started first day of work at the cafe. Which was ok except for one incident which id like t conveniently forget haha. Am v disappointed tt my family members were insulting and looking down upon me for taking on such a job though. I rly dno why theyd be like tt, to each of his/her own ,no? If i cant even be honest w my family without getting insulted , wld you blame me if i drift away frm them?

Ok, now for another one of those phrase tt spoke t me frm ccamp. :

People have big dreams becausd people are deep down spiritual beings; which attributes to their desire to experience the supernatural in the mundane way of life.

Not been writing since i came back because i felt tt the 3 trips (nepal, aonang, msia) were too precious memories to try to be penned down.... But not writing will just cause these memories to fade and be a part of my blurry past .

Nepal was 10days of....great self discovery. It was not as impactful as great; the experience was subtle yet strong. Nepal did not pt out to me the aspects of my life that i should change, it did not open my eyes to what i shld be working twds in future, it did not show me my future husband (hahahh), it didnt answer any of my burning qns abt life. Instead, nepal brought great peace in my life, it gave me a more global perspective of the world, of my life, of God. I rly felt at peace, like, ive finally found where i cld belong. It wasnt my sch friends jsyk, because i kept to myself most of the time -unintentionally of cos.

Aonang was a stark contrast to nepal. I was treated like a queen at aonang (at a part of krabi island). I shant attempt t explain how we received such treatment but , we had a frigging big mansion for my family. Complete with a cute, wood-ish kitchen, a nice comfortable living room, a room packed with many vcds for viewing pleasure, a pool and a computer. The ceilings of the house was so tall; like the ceiling of the first floor was knocked off so its ceiling was 2lvls high. We had cooks for bfast and dinner. For lunch, we wld be chauffeured to the near by shopping area and pick a nice restaurant for our stomach's filling (the pizzas were awesome o.o) oh yeah, youd figured by now tt we had drivers jst a call away. Ahma bcame rly tan aft the trip haha!

Churchcamp. Was ttly dreading it for various reasons. But , as cliche as it is, i dont regret gg for it! In fact, i think that i got the most out of the camp compared to previous years. We had 5talks by the invited pastor. The first talk was -eh, ok...- cos i was still in the "omg i srsly dno why im here" mood. But i got hooked by the 2nd sermon. The reason is because ,while he was talking, one part rly struck me and caused my ears to prick. I dont rmb now what he was saying , but frm the things that he said, i ,for lack of gd vocab, REALLY felt tt derek read my blog or sth (hawhaw so lamez). It felt like he was quoting frm my blog or sth. Aft quoting, he'd address the issue. This conted on till the end of the 5 talks.

So i feel that God rly spoke a lot to me. Now, im at a crossroads of my life, or rather at the last chpt of the first volume of my life. I know im supposed to end this chpt so that the 2nd vol can be started upon; Ideas and paradigms of the 2nd vol have been laid out already (though it shld be noted that even the first step is not planned out yet). But i dno how to end the last chpt..i dno how to sum all the past experiences up. I dont know how to conclude my debut. (anw im rly glad i got this out in words HAHA been thinking how i cld do it..i tried w animal analogies or objects etc )

I need help. Ok. But anw. I rly learnt alot so i shall end off (attempt to) each post w a learning pt ;

Actly for qte a while now, i dont see myself as a christian.when ppl ask me, i jst say i that i attend church but im not a christian. These were my thoughts : i do believe that God exist because i look ard me at all of creation and it is impossible to think tt they all start w a mere explosion. But what abt christianity baffles me is that , i dont see a need to have a rship w Him. I feel that we shld just honour, respect and believe in Him. Why shld i love a creator and have a loving rship w Him? Its like, zuckerberg created fb, so shld i love and have a rship w him?

Derek indirectly talked abt this issue. (ok, i must pause here n say tt i appear as someone whos v argumentative, headstrong,stubborn etc wtv discussig abt intellectual stuff. But im not being all those things, i qn bcos i wna see things frm ur pov. I jst qn t try and see things frm ur pov.which i will, if im given a solid and logical reasoning. ) which is what happened that ngt (ccamp). Derek said "we need to lovw God because He is our Father and he loves us)

Tt got me. And frm then , i was convicted that i NEED to eventually hv a proper rship w God.

Three seconds i did what i did, i realised the severity of my actions. But things tt happen, ppls actions , sometimes are not too dramatic. Sometimes thrs a reason fortheir big rxn. Maybe its sth tt happened before, maybe thrs sth in the persons heart tt you nvr noticed.

So even tho i realised how rude and terrible i was, i wanted to run into his arms and sob uncontrollably as how i imagined i wld in my mind and seek for forgiveness. But i didnt. Because .i got angry for a reason. It may not be because of the small incident tt jst took place but because of the accummulation of things tt happened. Because history cannot be altered, the situation wld nvr get btr. And for tt reason, id nvr forgive you and love you like the way i did. Its rly sad...but i cant do anything about it. Im sorry. I dont have it in me to forgive

Oh! I think the reason ive been feeling so hungry at 10pm these days is bcos for the past 10days i had been having dinner at 10pm sg time. Hahaha (nepal is 2hrs slower) ! Ahhh zzz :( hungryhungry and fat. )

Zzz room s rly messy !

Im off to bangkok. AND SINCE NO ONE COMES HERE OFTEN (its a cue not t mock wht im gna say haha), i cried otw home. I was so upset i just plonked myself on e floor at tried to slp while training. I was so excited abt gng back cos the prospect of seeing my family at the airport was too heartwarming. Nvr in my wildest dreams did i imagine tt my entire family wld PANGSEH me. Ultimate la. Thanks......... :/ another case of how i value ppl more than they value me.. Guess thats what it means to be Innocent huh :/ what costs....

The ngt bcm worse as it progressed through the night . But i kept my cool abt it. I KEPT MY COOL OK. Im a frigging matured girl srsly haha. Thanks dad for picking me up half way thoughhhhh. He was rly funny when he was trying to comfort me. Not funny in the humourous, joking way. But funny in the awkward way. :') just for tngt, thanks daddy

So anyway.... I just completed two books, two of my friend's jc lit texts....

Brave new world and Disgrace, chronogically. I rly dno how to put wtv is swimming , or rather, struggling in my mind. Im having a lot of thoughts in regards to the main themes brought up in both books. I feel too incoherent in my thoughts tt i dont even know how to express myself. Its gta do with life& death , that i can say... And maye, like, the purpose in life?...i tried explaining my thoughts in words tdy and it came out as "suddenly im asking myself what is the meaning of life? Every week, the main things i do are to train and go church,: but are all these even necessary?" BUT my struggling thoughts arent even to do w "my purpose in life".

But rather..more of, what can humans do in life to make their time worthwhile.... Yes, thats it! Sth like tt :) i conjure up many activities that a human does t pass time, eg study read books meet friends exercise keep the house clean etc, and all these seem meaningless. Not because we are just gng to die anyway.. But because these activities seem like sth to while away time till its time for us to die. Get it? It rly scares me... :/ ok not scare, but disturbs.

An example was given in Disgrace ; (sth like) i imagine myself 20years later, old and haggard and bent. Its in the aftn and i just had a light breakfast and my morning walk. Im in my room with a cup of coffee, a weathered lumpy bed, and a few stacks of yellowed paper lying ard (he is a professor). Slowly, i lower myself to bed and wait till it is evening time to prepare myself dinner for sustenance. "

After that extract, he moved on to another scene. Those few lines struck me. Because it gave the illusion that there is all to an old person's day. And it was scary because it isnt an illusion..

Ok i hate to use my grandma as an eg but i was thinking abt her, and dad, when i read tht. She wakes up, makes breakfast ,goes to the mkt. Aft she has lunch, chats w neighbours till dinner time thn has dinner. Same for dad, except tt he goes to the office and his mahjong club. Its like, they r just filling their days, their time w activites till its time for them to go. So i look at my mum who is busy as hell..and it gave me the perception tt shes doing alot of impt stuff and the world will cease wo her. But through scrutinised eyes, we know tts not true. So im not satisfied doing nth or doing alot. And dont even talk abt this in regards t older ppl; even for myself. What am i doing? (anyway t anyone whos reading, i THINK i mgt be gng off topic? My main pt/ fear is stated above ; tt we r filling our days w activities t while away our time instead of sitting ard to wait to die). Whats the point of living , yknow what i mean?

Just received a letter frm National Organs Transplant Act too; to inform me tt when i die, they will donate my four vital organs up for transplant. I decided t sign a form and donate every part of my body for any purposes (eg education) other than transplant. Reading the info bklet frm NOTA brings abt the scene i hv in my mind frm bravenewworld(clinical, white, big, mass produced,void of feelings..etc)

Oh but anw i had the best bus exp ever! I was running for a bus but didnt manage to catch it. I actly reached jst before the bus' front door tho! But he drove off simul. I was rly sad cos he drove forward till the max and stopped, presuming-ably to wait for the cars t go first at the main rd. But he stopped bcos he saw me running and stopped for me! I didnt know tho.. Only realised it aft a while when the bus door opened and one of the bus passengers popped his head out and signalled for me t go t him. WOOHOOZ i was rly grateful!! (not tt i was rushing for time. Haha) ok tts all i wanted t note. Gdngt. Anddd im waking up in four hrs t go for a morning run at mrr. Hahaha niceee.

This is my thoughts and i , as im lying on my hard uncomfy bed w my teddy bear and lamp shining upon me ~

While baking.... Which i must say made me feel so domesticated haha. Even cooked my own lunch , which aint maggi mee for a change, and sewed my own accessory on this CUTE lil hat i got. Ok SO ANW

I was thinking of a scenario:
*ps these two ppl are platonic friends !
*girl and boy playfully (or not) argue with each other & friends are in their presence observing* suddenly some joker will cut in and "whoa fu qi chao jia (is that even e correct cheng yu haha anw the four chi word is meant t mean tt cos the two ppl are arguing, they seem like a couple).. You two match very well, confirm get tgt"

I can see frm that pov! Maybe like, bcos they are have disagreements, they bother t work them out.. Or them arguing is jst a cover up for them t be talking?..or sth. But anw. While baking, i came up w an alt pov,. Alt pov of why ppl naturally associate two quarrelling ppl with 'couplehood'. Which is bcos we grew up in an environment where we see our parents arguing..and it has bcm so often tt it is seen as a normal activity btwn couples. So when a girl and guy are seen arguging, its associated to 'couplehood'. I found tt v sad but true. But its jst a hypothesis pls dont shoot me down or anything B-)

//which reminds me, THTS PROB WHY ppl kept teasing me and cookie. It was so frustrating for me trying to explain t them tt e reason we disagree so much in public is jst bcos ..we rly dont see eye to eye. And if we dont see this similarly, how on earth can we even consider getting tgt? Ppl just brushed my words off as.....excuses. It. Was. Frustrating haha! Congrats t cookie on being attached alr anw (Y)

ANYWAY completely random but i think guys wearing watches are impressive. LOL tt was a....dear diary moment.

Ah, jst rmbed sth. Wanted to talk abt the issue of letting go. Not bgr wise jst t clarify :) another timeeee. Why is the radio playing techno muzik!!!!aiyo!!!!

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill

beautiful song!! rly wish i stayed on in the canteen during youth camp to watch it with the kids.... :)

Random : i dno why i insist on snapping away furiously when im in the presence of a wondrous sight. 1) i wldnt be able to fully bask in the beauty of the situation im put in 2 the pics dont do any justice t wht i wld be looking at

Anyway ive mastered G, C and E on the guitar :)) whoopie! Sian prob gna take my jabs tmr.....

I dont like coming home late haha. Tdy was the FIRST time i met a couple of church ppl and the whole grp was on time , five min early in fact. Coolness

I dno why im so angst these days....... Quarrelled with dad. Shouted at mum just now.... Ok. Im not more angst now. Im just less cool and less controlled. Its like im bcming more immatured. I used to be able to hold in my anger very well... Now when the urge comes to raise my voice at someone else, i just do it. Im bcming less aware of my speech as well.i dno how many times i had to stop myself midway when say fck. :/ :(((( sighhhh!!!

Anw i heard a v good rendition of Ben. Its amazing... :)

Watched a mothersday dedication special on tv. Soooo cute. It was of getting ppl to stand in front of a board and give a dedication t their mum :) most of the msges were similar "i love you mum. Youre the best. Thanks for cooking for me. Thanks for everything. I wish you good luck and good health...." awww. Even tho so many ppl said the same thing , each one held a different story yknow?:)

This pair of sisters wrnt up and said "dear mummy. We love you very much. We hope you will become a fairy". AWWWW

Im watching this show. And at this point, the situation makes me feel so perplexed.. And it reminded me of the past kinda :/ of being lied to and hurting from it.. Of believing tt what the other party is saying is not true because of what happened frm the past, yet believing because those words are coming straight from the horse's mouth. It was painfully torturous to endure... Three years on and i still dno why he did that...and i want to know why yet i dont wna know cos i jst wna forget the past and look to a btr future and friendship between us. Haha ok ive digressed ttm. The main point of this is ;

Why does it seem easier to lie and hurt both parties than to tell the truth and profess one's love?

Anw. Im still perspiring. And my specs are slippinh w every movement. Eeks! And GOLD FOREVER JST PLAYED ON E RADIO :DD

Haaa. When things r trying t be done, i rly cannot take it when ppl are less responsibile than me! Im alr so irresponsible.. Aiyo. And i dont think im expecting too much. Or maybe i am.... Aiyo. Ok. I shldnt be so uptight. Haha but i rly dont like when ppl are not driven and have no plan in life. Complained abt this a thousand times t sissy. And one day she pointed out tt , im just like them. I dont have a plan. I dont have anyth tt im working twds.... Im jst working... So am i not worse? My efforts are futile.

Yikes, my specs have slid to my nosw bridge oredi lolx

"ah, why am i even bothering"
exactly.. why do i even care? :// i dont have to, and i dont need to, and moreover, i dont want to anymore. yep.. it's tiring. maybe it's easier to let go ?which is like giving up. but sometimes giving up seems less tiring than trying to do something abt it. ha haa

anyway its been bloody hot these few days! i'm perpetually coated with a layer of perspiration or sth haha. humid ttm.....

hawhaw, i rly dont wna complain abt ____.....and sound like some annoying spinster.....SO I SHALL S.T.O.P. but FOR THE RECORD, there are so many =.= things gng on now in my life. i guess everyone will have their shit to handle too... it's just how you wna go abt it. yes. so i shall handle these to the best of my abilities. omg i'm perspiring. zzz.

Ytd was the BESTTTTTTT BEST BEST BEST BEST post exams celebration tt i cld ever hv asked for in life!!!!!!

My THREE huge ass blisters are jst a small price t pay. It was so epic when Thriller jst ended. Mav instantly turned to us and exclaimed "is there Meet and Greet session??" haha!

-//haw haw. You also not ard how to celebrate . I dont even feel like i need to do anything. I dont even feel the urge or desire to

So here is how things went for hmt.. I was rly spent since having tt extremely prody day at nus! So spent till now k! Lollll. So ytd, all i cld summon of myself was to study my last three chpts hmt and tts it. I studied those till 7pm k -.- which is a rly long time jsyk. I thought of taking a break till aft noose but hahaha i dragged along.. By 1230am i figured i wasnt gna study at all so i washed up and got rdy for some rest. This morning, i woke up at 9am. But only reached sch ard... 11 ? jan had t go massage her injured ankle first.. Then i started revision for hmt. And mind you, revision means to start memorising my pts for each chpt lolllll. It was CRAZY. The last min cramming in.

For my paper.. Rly thank God tt i cld rmb many of my pts. Section A required us to and 6/10 qns but i knew how to do 9!! So i made a short ans plan for each qn,.and took my time to pick which qn to do. I was taking it slow and easy cos i didnt think i cld finish early enuf to leave the exam hall earlier. But by the time i started my second qn,out of 3, i thot i had a chance of ending earlier! So i picked up a bit more momentum and wnt for it. But by the end of analysis for my 3rd qn, i left 10 min to write down my answers. So,w tt i decided totake my time since i got 30min now to complete my paper. Haha yeah take my time i did. For 3b, i only managed to write teo out of my four pts..and those two pts werent as strong as my other two. PENS DOWN.

:((( im pretty sure if i wrote my other two pts, id be able to get at least a 5/8......zzz. Haha what do you call this?! Complacency... Or a mental breakdown. I dnoooo. During e paper i was feeling so tired mentally and wanted to jst finish my paper and leave e exam hall asap cos i suddenly felt so constrained and tied down etc etc etc... Haha sucks tt i knew e ans but "didnt hv enuf time".. Oh well.

My hmt and er indiv essays were done pretty well! If im nt wrong i got high Credit for both :)) which is REALLY GOOOD!!! cos 1 i suck at writing essays :(( 2 ive NVR done well in it.. Always got a pass or credit only.. 3 i started on both of my indiv essays rly last minute-ly.. For my er one, i was feeling so frustrated + didnt hv any more intellectual pts, i put in my own thoughts and arguments..arguments complete w sarcasm and insults for the stupid qn hahaha (if u recall an old entry, i was lamenting at the futily of one of my essay assignments bcos i felt tt the stance proposed was irrelevant.

With tt i must slp early and wake up early and chiong for my FINAl FINAnce paper hahaha yeaaa. I must do well for finance.......

3weeks of not visiting grannys. she called ytd! hahaha. and we had a short chat abt stuff... stuff like, how we miss each other.. abt the upcoming hols in june!!!!!!!!!!!.. her nagging me to study hard.. abt politics, leekuanyew in particular.. and just etc lah.

it was a reaalllly nice chat. i mean, it was perfect! haha, i wanted a phone call...(its not the best form of communication..but i was stuck at home..and theres sth alluring abt phone calls despite it's distance haha).. and it was with someone whom i care so much dearly for.. and yessss :) miss her!

everytime i look at granny/ryan, this phrase ALWAYS comes to mind. love really holds no boundaries. (OKAY I KNOW THEY ARE MY FAMILY BUT..) its like, with either ppl, we have such a big age gap, we are gng thru/have gone thru different things in life, we may not speak the same lang...but we all love each other.. we wna share our lives with each other.. that's why i believe that true friendship, true relationships, are only possible between two people who truly care for each other-both ways!. it's not abt, oh i'm flying off so we shld separate or sth..etc etc.

OKAY. JUST LISTENED TO STRAIGHT NO CHASER WHO ARE SOOOOO BRILLANT!! (and mike wtv his surname 's voice is soooo ..... beautiful. for lack of a btr word hahaha)

My iphone cover is disintegrating..., give it two weeks and im gna hafta hold it tgt w a rubber band.... Nt much done tdy lawlzx nuts la :/ :(

I miss :
The wanted... They were so whacky and full of f it rly jst reminds me tt life doesnt need to be THAT serious.. Im young and shld be allowed to do whatever stuff i want no matter how dumb.. And tt i rly dont need to give a shit abt what judgement may me passed agnst me. In fact the more the btr, cos tt means im rly living life exactly how i want, however agnst the norm it is! ^^ i used to go out w a guy like tt who rly helped me to loosen up alot. I always believed tt in every rship you have w ppl, youd always take sth frm them. Frm him, its tt tt. I rmb being so open in tt, i was a lot more open and confident and like..id chat up w random aunties and uncles and try to make them smile and feel tt lil bit less sian abt life. (lesson 2 was tt when im w others, i shld keep my phone away ahha! Ok bt tt has no relevance) i wish i exuded tt openness and heck care, carefreeness !

I miss sissy too whos at camp.. I miss some man at msia..i dont even knw why i do, but he called and yeah...AT LEAST HE BOTHERED T CALL hha plus pt..yeah wtv. Anw tt guy at msia is my dad, jst t clarify lol. And i miss..an..old friend. I dno if she still comes here..but um on e assumption tt she doesnt, tks for the msges.. And not scolding me.. I was completely taken aback by her sms, yet v happy of cos. A lot of memories flooded aft e msg. And .i thought abt wht cld have been of us now.. Yeah..haha i know its only a thought bcos of me but .it pained my heart tt its nt a reality and jst sth i had t fantasise(correct usage of word not ah? Hahah) but, i rly dont wna just think abt "what cld have beens" anymore... I still wna accompany you down the aisle and hold your dress..and even if we dont reach tt closeness anymore.. I wna be at least present in the impt phases in your life. I see my mum and her estranged rships w her girlfs and it rly sucks!!:/ yea haha verbal vomit.. but my consolation is tt at least im noting these thoughts down tt prob wont surface for the next few mths min.. And writing in a diary takes hrs so..nah. Haha ok gdngt tivz. Gna wake up early and do solid studying before church!:)

LIKE A BOSS HAHA

Officious is the new word learnt today. (Y) i like it. Ytd was an awesomeday of studying but tdy.. Bad... Plus my head feels rly groggy :/ its only 1030 but i am Good Game alr..... Yea so ill jst go and slp. Haha. I rly dont push myself much huh :/ still cant decide what t wear tmr for church anni celebration!! Sucks cos i mgt end up jst throwing some rubbish on.. Aka wasting a good event for an excuse for me t dress up heh. Anw. Jan told me a while back abt this phrase..like those "in phrases".. And I RLY LIKED IT HAHAHA. The phrase is

LIKE A BOSS.

Tts rgt!!! ;)

Haha I RLY FEEL SO ENERGETIC NW. ok nt as excited as i sound, but i feel awake enough....to studyyyyyy somemoreeee! Gimme gimme gimme more gimme more. But its 00:50 so i shld slp ASAP so tt i can wake up early tmr t cont. FOR THE FIRST TIME, i slp at 1, woke up at 830 went t nus t study w shark and joey. Omg. Nvr once , up till 1130, have i felt e slightest bit of tiredness. I am in extreme awe because ive nvr felt like this before!! :) i mean, im short by one chpt for my progress..but im more happy tt i was so awake for e whole day :)

Tmr is a new day. Must chiong harder and earlier!!! :)

Yay to royal wedding. And neighbour yuyu for educating me abt politics kinda. Okiex tts abt it. Gdngt teetee :)

*ps cj you got it wrong!! Tty on whatsapp laaaa srysry

OH AND REDEMPTION IS PLAYING ON MY IPHONE NW heheheh. Things r just taken to a new level when you hear bands you like sing live rgt? I rlyyyy regret not finding out more abt switchfoots concert in 07. Tt was when i was rly super into switchfoot... AND RUNNING. Yesssss. Running screwed up my life in mre ways than the obvious one haha. Blinded me by passion :)

Im running out of patience, tired of imitations.. Im looking for someone to replace your heart.
Everyone i talk to is just another not you
Makes me want to ???

-i dno whats wrong w me............ Ha haaaa maybe im looking too hard for something to sweep me off my feet to a white dashing horse. And i will ride off into the sunset and leave all e rubbish behind .

Watched Mulan today w leonglings' ahma. And dad. Omg it was soooo nice.....& sad :( in e cartoon, the girl and guy end up tgt. But in this reel life show, the guy was married off to another tribe princess so tt peace cld be restored. :( its sacrifice..

I ve a paper tmr which ive barely read on. But. Im tired. Ha. Gd night world. Feel like .....calling this certain someone nw but it doesnt mean anyth at all but im so id give e wrong idea so ....itll be like that. Hawhaw sianzx tiredddd

HERE JST TO SAY TT... I BATHED THREE TIMES TDY... HAHAHHAH..

AND TT OMG TTLY NOT USED TO THE SIM CANTEEN SMELL I HATE THE SMELL!!!! :((( AND IT STUCK W ME THRU E PAPER... AND NOW.... ZZZZ

WHAT ELSE , HMMM HAHA I DNO... JUST TT, IM QTE DISAPPOINTED... YOU DONT SEEM TO BE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY AND IVE BEEN CONSIDERING SINCE QTE A FEW INCIDENTS BACK WHETHER TO GO DOWN.. I DONT WNA TRAVEL ALL E WAY DOWN FOR A MEDIOCRE SHOW I WANT TO SEE COMMITMENT AND PERFORMANCE AND ACHIEVEMENT HAIIII I DNOOO

HVNT BEEN T GRANNYS FOR TWO WEEKS HURHUR

STUDIED AT NUS TDY MY TWO EXPS STUDYING THR HAS BEEN GOOD AWESOME IN FACT IF COMPARED TO SIM LOL SIM PPL ARENT AS FRIENDLU / POLITE. K CYALL HOMIES

HAHA 913 rocks...

OH AND I MET A FELOOW TW FAN TDY :DDDD omgg!!!!!! :)))))) i rly wanted to give her a hug and have dinner w her and talk abt tw all the way!!!

You rly are oblivious arent you.. You dont get it huh, srsly? What youre asking of me is like asking me to help you find love when what i yearn for , is your affection.. Cant you see it? Is it not obvious enough? Its bad enough tt youre doing this in front of my sorry eyes, and it takes so much of me to just..ignore it and accept it.. Thats what love is rgt, choosing the best for the person to be happy.. It pains my heart each time to see you and i cant take it anymore. I try to push my emotions away and pretend like it doesnt bother me but damn you, it hurts :/ so, that im not responding, pls take the hint tt i dont want t have anyth to do w tht aspect of you. Pls dont tarnish the beautiful memories i had with you. I may be the one in oblivion this way, but i rather be in this state than hurt frm knowing whats really gng on....

Youve no idea how much i desire your love and affection.. Your time and attention.. I miss you so much tngt :( sigh
But youll nvr know it because .just bcos, you are too caught up w your stupid new life and dont bother looking at those who rly care and love you. Even if you come back to me, i admit id be v hostile.. But if you know me as you shld, im jst putting on a front first to ensure tt you are sincere. Do you know tt abt me? :( do you even know tt every tngt i think abt you and what we all cld have been..i dream, ifantasise, i compare..its wrong i know. But i cant help it. Its what helps me slp

"pls dont tell me im dreaming, if i actly am. Because then i wont ever wna wake up"

Ohyea had lunch w a bunch of ppl and kenneth and dawn started talking abt heaven etc. Sth like "if theres no tauhuay in heaven i mgt reconsider gng heaven.." JOKING OF COS HAHA IVE SCOLDED THEM ABT IT ALR :p abraham responded "dont worry , in heaven , thr wont be any negative emotions". And it made my mind think at overdrive ha ha. Im trying t detach myself frm e issue yet trying t note down wht i actly thot.. Hmm, Sth like, the concept of being "happy forever" came to mind.. But "we cannot bring e concept of earth to heaven bcos both r v different".. The concept of ,being alive forever..the idea of, its frigging forever ,what am i ever gna do forever? And so , now whatever im doing amts to nth.....? :/ @;&;!&:&: ok Stop. This is getting too much haha. Anw over lunch, i cldnt control my thoughts cos it was too fast for me to realise and when i got out of that 'trance', my heart was beating v quickly, breathing v haste and i qn-ed my current state of being. I rly wanted to share my fears , jst so tt i can be assured tt i wasnt suffering frm such things alone but everyone was chatting abt stuff so happily.. So i slapped my face a few times to get myself out of tt state. It was rlyyyy scary x(

i hate being so scared of eternity. And up till my 20+yrs of life, i only know of ONE BLOGGER (i didnt even know her name haha was blog hopping) and one friend whom have shared such fears w the same description. No words can describe e comfort i felt in my heart when i read/listened to my fears frm another's blog/mouth. Haha :/ i think i sound so weird..but ill take comfort in tt, at least two ppl in e world will know what im talking abt lolll.

First paper tmr..

Omg. Head feels so heavy and droopy and dense ....... Feels so clouded :/ even my vision is clouded... Sighh been feeling so since i woke up frm my nap ( aft white chicks!!) . How how how t study zz and i feel like i need a bathe nw lol. Been bathing so often. And staying home a lot lately. Zzz. Lacks social interaction maybe..

And so she stuffs herself w , unworthy food. Like maggi mee cos she doesnt know how to cook. THAT NOOB. At least there are mushrooms in it to make the dish all the MOREEE WONDERFULLER. ( i keep thinking abt the pot of unfinished mushrooms at yeos hse e last time haha. Yes it was since jos bday but.. ohmymama. Mushrooms!!)

OHMYSON!!!!!!! 4-0!!!! LVP IS ON A FRIGGING ROLL!!!!!! :)))))))

Just came back frm my first midngt movie! And possibly second (or third) nc16 movie hahahh. One day i need to give a good proper review on this movie . To someone tt will truly be interested to discuss it or even jst here. Lolz........ ://// x( ughhh. Hah. What a crazy show !!! But to anyone tts reading this and decide to watch sanctum, plzzz dont get ur hopes high! Every movie exp is different cos of the circumstances one is in before watching e show, where u sit, etc etc.

Anw sunny n samson came tdy for youthp :) was rly encouraged. Rly hope they were ok w e company and all . Rly dno how to handle it cos it has been so long since friends agreed t come church ! Rly enjoyed their company.. I rmb jenny commenting once tt these bunch of ppl are ppl tt i rly enjoy hanging out w.she said she realised tt everytime aft i come home frm an outing w them, im v happy and all :) which made me realise how impt these punks in my life! :) thanks
God for them.

Will study hard tmr... Ha ha... And give God a good celebration on sun :) till now... Sanctum, pls make some sense of yourself..

Arhhhh :( :/ !!!! Mixed upside down. Ha haaaaa :| i wonder whether sth like tt will ever happen. Will happily ever after rly be a reality for any? Is it jst the twists of e show or is this how i rly feel . Haha :/ (actly i do hv a friend of similar character..) BUT. thing is, ahhhhh. Im addicted haha. Atleast i cld stop myself. Darn. Super lil done tdy . . .

Whats your passion?

Kinda sucks that im suffering through this alone... Its actly rly tiring leh :/ i slept in when i was supposed to do sm strengthenings this morning.. Im gng to nus nw to study w some friends. (ive no sim cmates to complain abt studying with. I dont even know if im on track or anything) and i need to get a lot done cos i got distracted ytd and my eork load is piled up for tdy haha. And i hv to go to some gross track stadium ltr for trng in e evening alone. Which sucks cos i prob am gna be e only girl frm w team .:. No one to talk to & im gna run alone=suffer alone ... Sianzxzxzxz. Rly hope tt my trng (actly ive cut down frm 3/wk alr haha) is rly worth it and is contributing to my progress :/ :( i rly feel alone in this pursuit. And when i say alone, i rly mean..as lone as a loner. :( sian!

Haha the radio is talking abt lvp and arsenals game over the weekend i think. And seeing how arsenal threw away 2 pts, JUST LIKE TT, hmmm ok i dont feel so sian anymore.... >.< haha

I hope a tub of ice cream OR YOGHURT ( >.< !!!!) will magically appear in my freezer ^^ haagen daaz wld be THE BOMB LA SRSLYYZXZXZZZZ hahahahh

"i wish i am his happiest hello and hardest goodbye"
What a painfully nice quote-y ! The picture was v nice too :) but its either mw being a realist..or that statement is too self-centred.. Because boys will nvr settle for only one person/thing to give him great satisfaction ,not in e sexual way but in e pure sense..then agn haha it actly works for both la :x

Wanted to ask how it cld be told tt muslim guy suddenly "realised" he actly isnt muslim. I hesitated cos qns are a reflection of one's thoughts and i did not want to show myself off like that. I am not rdy t tackle confrontation.

Whenever i watch ,or witness, certain stuff, a lot of ideas and visuals start flooding my mind. And it makes me wonder whether it is normal to daydream abt such grand stuff. I dont know whether it is, as sissy said, me being a dreamer and idealist or whether it is jst me being human and hoping for something grander to be seen by others to prove the potential of the human spirit and creativity... Because , if its the former, i shld do sth abt these thoughts rgt. What use is gold if man dont spend it? What use is a pot if someone doesnt use it to cook incredible dishes? What use are crutches if it is given to someone completely able .

IM UP FOR CHURCH (Y)

"do you know something?
Do you know that I love her? I love her because it has been so long . Will you tell her that for me?"

Ive come to a point in time where ive seen guy friends dressed up but not so many times till it has no effect on me. Its rly nice bcos it makes me feel so proud of them tt theyve grown up. Its such a sad thought huh. Singaporeans are rly ___. :/ i have this impression tt guys of the past are much more worthy and respectable. They could be jerks but they were gentlemanly. I guess nowadays, boys are mistaking gentlemanliness as being flirtatious. Both personalities require a boy being nice to a girl. But e manner and intention and effect is so different. Why cant singaporean boys have good manners and treat girls with respect and be genuinely nice to us haha. Then agn, maybe we girls arent worth it

Tdy was nice. I really love seeing ppl being so passionate abt what they do. And when he spoke , it was so sincere and filled w passion i actly felt it for tt moment. Whats my passion?

(ps sry if my eng has been horrid these few posts haha. Been posting jst before i slp so nt functioning fully well. N my eng is bad t begin w :( )

Nvr studied for the past three days........ Zzzz. But tdys race was . Whoa. Awesome leh. I dont even know benjamin but my respect for him is so immense and the pride i felt for him when he crossed e line! Actly no matter what position those two boys got on my side , both ran an insanely good race.. Their guts , their courage.. Whoa sheer human spirit at its raw form . I shall jst stop here cos no words can justify e beauty and strength displayed out there (Y)

Im a heck of an unmotivated, driven by emotions girl . Must stop it!!!

Killer day became awkward :/ why do i attract weird ppl lol

Studied w queen tdy! Whoa felt so pressurised hahah

"Eh i'm sorry.. I believe you shouldn't let anyone restrict e things you wanna do.. Like if you wanna smoke just smoke. So wadever your next step is just be selfish n think for yourself for one moment?"
-kw. ONLY w kw la actly hahah. His sister is sooo different frpm him, which is good btw. And we recalled e last time we met which was 2 years ago at macau :o how kewl!? Which links t my next topic : nepal!! Cant wait!!

Having mtg tmr.. Hope it will be less cold.. And less awkward i guess. I wanted t make friends w this girl but i was too cold t move next t her last wk lol tmr im gna wear a thick jacket.

I slept for 11 hrs..... Then aft being awake for 5hrs, i took another 2hr nap till now :/ zzzz why am i so lazy or tired!!! :( i kept waking up in the middle of my nap (i was studying haha) but i jst didnt have enough energy t get me out of bed and went back t slp :(((

3 thigns :

1) when boys have their boys talk, girls shld NVR ever have to hear it. hahha. a bunch of them were talking before - and i was the only girl ard. so anyway corn was gna put braces on and random was talking to him abt it

random: so you have a girlfriend?
corn: yes
r: then too bad alr lah, cannot kiss for one week
c: yea lor... no ,wait. actually can kiss lah but no tongue

ok thanks haha

2) I'M WATCHING BEAUTY AND THE BEAST NAOOOO :)))))

3) went for huahua's commissioning parade thing ytd and omg it's so coooool!! >.< i was raving on abt it to jan from the moment i came back till 1+am. hahahahha. ryan must be an officer so i can go for that agn next time!! ^^v

I think i see e meaning of :if theres nth you are willing to die for, life is not worth living

Watching passion of christ agn for the second time, it brought back two intellectual points
1 i was reminded of this movie was one of the "stuff" tt helped me in my most passionate year of rship w God
2 i am starting t see more of the jews pov and reason tt they condemn christ. (but of course i dont agree w the methods they used to 'chastise' jesus la. DUH haha

I blew my top at mummy and daddy tdy thru sms :/ Its e defensive mechanism coming t play agn.. Sigh. It hurt t hear tt tears were shed la and i cldnt take it :(
-do such extreme actions have t be taken before you will tell me how much you love me?

I was lying on bed wide awake last night (at 1am.... way past my bed time!!). And tbh, i did wonder whether any spirits enter my body or anything cos i went to shao mu with my grandma and it was super damn hot and i was perspiring like nobody's bizes...and she asked me to 'baibai' to my granddad's grandfather and i rly didnt know how to reject her so i did it. BUT ANW, while lying on my bed, this came to mind:

Would I rather live a life struggling to achieve, or live a life with nothing to look forward to?

and it baffled me. i have no answer to that...there are just too many pros and cons to consider. after a while i moved to the empty bed and fell asleep.

this is a piece of info abt me: i hate quarrels
reality (of the past at least): i 'argued'/disagreed with many people which have led to many having the perception that i'm a fiesty irritating gng agnst everything scary girl.
but truth be told: i hate quarrels. i think it was jst a defensive mechanism of mine lest i get bullied.

ok i'm not making any cents i think. haha. omg i miss eutube :( ok. I AM GNG THERE NOW COS I NEED TO TELL YELENA I'M NOT GNA VISIT THEM FOR A WHILE!! HAHA

顺筌 says: what hap last week why so fun

tiffany says: I HAD THE CAR....
so it was v convenient to leave (dad went usa)
a lot of things ah

顺筌 says: no leh i saw dear daniel in churchon sunday tell me bout all this tings

tiffany says: he came back on sat! shucks i cant rly rmb hahaha wait hmmm monday i went to mark's hse to himym.. then movie at night (battle: los angeles) tues went for trng in evening only

tiffany says: wed janell's xctry race. and met up with all the jc friends :) thurs met up with rj classmates, then 30min class HAHA, friend's 21st bday dinner fri met up with rj cmates AGN to discuss one of the girl's 21st bdays... then mum's bday dinner

顺筌 says: o the same mum who got married at 21.. wah haps man, all this celebrations wallet not cui ah

tiffany says: sat , met up w jes in the morning~ (PS it's nth nd hahah jst saying like that cos 1 i'm talking w sq 2 i dont rly wna divulge(spelling?) what we met up for) , then went to oriental hotel for stayover

顺筌 says: jes? jessie nicholas chan ah what the heck damn happening la ur last week

tiffany says: till sunday, then coach's shop opening, after tt went for jan's race at gombak for the whole aftn (and omg. i rly love watching races la), then dinner at cousin's hse
YESSSSSSSSSSSS

that's right. hahah. but this morning i woke up at 730am and i forced myself back to reality. to my mundane life ; of a friendless university sch life. i think at this pt i really need to acknowledge, or rather accept, that i have a life partner or boyfriend wtv and his name is called loneliness. i'm perpetually with him. but once in a while, we take a break from each other and i go have fun . i go wild, i indulge in other things and i forget about him. but ultimately, i realise my heart's calling..OR RATHER life comes aknocking agn, and i'm reminded who my one true love is....and so i go back to him even after all that i've seen of the world. yeah. BOO xP

//omg i'm so superficial. hahaha what a 'surface' post. but. i forgive myself. hahahhhaha

ARRRRRRSHHH :( (hahaha) been trying to replace my old blogskin with a newer one.... but i ttly dno all these template settings rubbish :( i copy and paste alr and all that comes out are letters and numbers ^ 9432803982.

lady A: need you now

Whats the opposite of love?
No its not hate, its indifference.

What happens when you pack reciprocation of love?
You hurt.

What drives out hurt?
I learnt it today, and its a sure way...
Fear drives out hurt. Putting yourself in the unknown. Then your thoughts will be tainted with the fear for survival. And you wont be able t dwell in your hurt. And you will forget abt it.

Sophia: Amazing freakin blog here. I almost cried while reading it!

one of the tags. HAHA aww thanks ^^ heheh .LOL who the heck are you now . that psalmist person .... -.-

VERSE 1:
Because I'm so stupid and such a fool
My eyes don't see nobody but you
Even though I know you love someone else
You could never know the pain that I felt
Oh oh oh

VERSE 2:
You probably never think of me at all
And I know we have no memories
But the one who really wants you is me
In the end only my tears will fall

BRIDGE 1:
I stay, you walk away
I stand back, watching you day by day
You can't see that I'm so in love with you
Like the wind you just fly right through (ohhhhh)

CHORUS 1:
There are days when I just miss you so much
There are days when I just long for your touch
"I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left crying for you
Once again I'm left here missing for you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

VERSE 3:
You'll probably never have a dream of me
And I know I'm in love all alone
That's why we don't really have memories
In the end, I'll make them all on my own
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/ss501/im_stupid.html ]
BRIDGE 2:
Love's like a river of tears
That will flow whenever you're not here
Even though your heart will never be mine
It's enough just seeing you smile

CHORUS 2:
There are days when I see nothing but rain
There are days when I just feel so much pain
"I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left wishing for you
Once again I'm left here missing for you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

VERSE 4:
Bye, bye, never say goodbye
Even though it's not me by your side
I need you, I just can't say it but I want you
I cannot stop wishing for you

CHORUS 3:
There are days when I just miss you so much
There are days when I just long for your touch
"I love you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left crying for you

There are days when I see nothing but rain
There are days when I just feel so much pain
"I miss you" somehow flies right off my lips and so
Once again I'm left wishing for you
Once again I'm left here missing for you
Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

aww this song... finally found the title of it!! i rmb last year when i heard it on uncle johnny's phone and asked chrissy abt 3 times that night what e title of that song was over and over again cos i really wanted to rmb it and go home and youtube it. but i ttly forgot and i tried so hard trying to rmb it that i got so upset with myself i stopped. yay ^^ must get jammy hooked on to things that i like. hahah shes so resourceful <3

damn.... i really super like this song...!! i dont even know what on earth they are saying but the tune is so nice and their voices (Y)

anyway i just heard one of glee's songs in which finn was one of the main singers... WHICH WAS NICE. (i like his kinda voice) but i dont rmb the title

this song is so sad yet . i feel hope listening to this . because you can sing abt your grieve, it means that you are strong enough to face these feelings. and being to face up to this situation, it just brings hope.. that thigns will change for the better.. yeah..

i'm really perpetually tired manzxzxz. and my eyes are goign really nuts. it seems like theres a layer of wtv on my eyes cos my vision seems kinda clouded.. i dno whether my specs are too scratched, or my contacts too dirty.. and when i'm not wearing any of these things, everything is too blur for me to even know if theres anything clouding my vision. but i like walking ard not wearing my specs/contacts hah .

yeah, really hate this state im in. i'm so . nothing. i dont want to be nothing.

..
i rly dont like how she threatens me :/ do you think you hold that important a position in my life? that you can use emotional blackmail against me? the suckiest thing is that .the answer to both qns is yes :( i hate ppl taking advantage of me.

and flower hurt me real bad tdy. so bad that i didnt even wna share it w jammy cos i didnt wna be reminded of it... we nvr had such a 'cold war' before. it was always btwn jam and i. sigh . sucks :(

i've mastered the art of 'switching off' this emotion, of this kind of pain. it was almost instantaneous i almost couldn't believe it. just one question, why do people like to bring up death? is it meant as a threat, as a reminder for people to love them more?

i am always so resolved to prove that it will be the worst decision of your life by destroying myself bit by bit in front of your very own eyes... i don't know what is to be accomplished but maybe sheer regret will eat you up so badly that you will feel remorse so great you would not be able to do anything else... and you will finally know how i have felt. what do you think of that? come to think of it, by then, i would not give a - about what you think. the latter, to you, i promise

if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, think again, i'll be at the place that we'd meet. jst because, i'm not like any of you..

Jiggles and I were talking .. Ok I'm lazy to delete. Refresh ahhaha

Jiggles was educating me ,AgNNnn~~ yes wtv :p, abt twitter. So anyway tdys twitter lesson was on searching for famous ppls' twitter accts. we decided to try justin bieber cos he's young. When we typed his name, a whole list of Justin bieber accts appeared and I was ttly omg how to know which one..!! @_@ but jiggles just calmly scrolled down and double clicked one of the accts. I was astounded by her intelligence I had to ask "wow! How did you know this is his account??" to which she replied "aiyo omg. You just see which one got his pic and anyhow whack lor. Then you see how many followers he has. You see this one!! 5mil followers. This is def his acct. You think 5 mil ppl will stupidly 'follow' (ok this is another twitter related term..will explain tt anytime when I fully grasp its concept haha) a wrong acct?"

Upon hearing her words, I had a sudden revelation. And I even said it out HAHA I must have sounded so doof. I said "then Christianity must be a true religion. Jesus christ must be real .Because millions of people over the thousands of years all cldnt have followed sth that isn't real "

Yeah. I'm trying to find some way to insert the word brilliant into my post cos I just adore tt word hahaha. Anyways .I'm entitled to say anyth I want here.... Whn I look at recent photos and at the mirror actly , I think tt I look exceptionally fat and horrid looking ahha. My eyes are rly gross looking I dno why. My hair is so dense and flat and shapeless. My face looks like it has ballooned up...

Discovered a BRILLANT show some wks back. Hawhaw but it's Korean. And the girl is like 10 years older than him :/ but I can ttly look past that cos the guy is sooo charming. He just told the girl tdy "I'm gna marry you in 3 years". Omggg ~ hahaha guys with such assertiveness .. Yeah ok I shld stop. I don't wna sound like those ppl tt talk openly abt their dream guys cos it is so weird. Hahaah. Oh crapz mommas bday is coming soon too!!!!

Lyrics:

[1st Verse] You said things you're gonna regret, and I.
I know I will never forget the way, I felt that day.
I'm never gonna second guess that, little voice in the back of my head, it's true. (I know it's true.)
It was right about you.

[Pre-Chorus] 'cause I've given you too many chances.
Now it's time for me to take a stand.

[Chorus] 'cause it's my way, or the highway.
(Never gonna change for you.)
It's okay, memories fade.
(In time, I will forget about you.)
And it's too late, to come back.
I know you don't think I mean that.
But it's my way, or the highway.

[2nd Verse] Every time I look into your eyes...
It's like you're always busy trying to hide, oh no. (Oh no.)
You should probably go.

[Pre-Chorus] 'cause I've given you too many chances.
Now it's time for me to take a stand.

[Chorus] 'cause it's my way, or the highway.
(Never gonna change for you.)
It's okay, memories fade.
(In time, I will forget about you.)
And it's too late, to come back.
I know you don't think I mean that.
But it's my way, or the highway.

[Bridge] I was fine before you came...
Along and stole my heart away.
Loving you was my mistake.
So why would we want to say goodbye, (say goodbye) goodbye...

[Alt. Chorus] It's my way, or the highway.
It's okay, memories fade... memories fade!
And it's too late, to come back.
I know you don't think I mean that.
But it's my way, or the highway.

[Chorus] It's my way, or the highway.
(Never gonna change for you.)
It's okay, memories fade.
(In time, I will forget about you.)
And it's too late, to come back.
I know you don't think I mean that.
But it's my way, or the highway.

Angel.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

is it something i must get used to... =/

anyway i got accepted to go nepalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll :)))

sigh tngt is horrid.

quoting syoung, i need some happy musikkk :(

nth much just that linkin park is gracing f1's race on 25th sept!!!!!!!!!! omgggg. honestly i rather go for that than for switchfoot >.<

does anyone want/knows anyone who wants my switchfoot ticket??? :)))) the actual price is 98$ for FRONT ROW SEATS (!!OMG!!) but i'm willing to pay a bit like maybe at most 10 jst to get them off my hands hahah. they are performing at suntec on the 28th of april, thurs, if i'm not wrong :)))

I.....I.... I....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEE! x(

i dont give a POOP about whether singapore is equitable in the way it's being run... what i care about is whether the systems in place are GOOD for the nation or not, whether her people are NOT put at a disadvantaged. who cares about what is 'FAIR'?who even decides what is fair??? do you think freedom of speech means that singapore is EQUITABLE?! (ok pls dont debate and tell me a long story :( it's just a rhetorical question....)

sigh :((( what i'm trying to say is, it does not matter whether the way singapore is run is fair or not... what matters is whether her people are happy or not! life is so short, what matters is whether one's standard of living is comfortable and happy and good.... that's all.... it doesn't matter if things don't seem 'FAIR' or not... as long as one is happy.because that is what LIFE IS ABOUTTTTTTTTTTT.

i've a busy day tdy.... TOO BZ TO SAY WHAT!! HAHAHA

She's on the way... And she's getting here as fast as she can.

-OMGGGG i wna watch titantic and matrix and disney shows...... :((( i miss hercules and little mermaid and beauty and the beaust amongst others...

-
Rabbit: study
timtam says:
but daddddd
zzz
Rabbit says:
hahaha
you call every guy bro and dad you're never gna get a boyfriend

HAHAHA! i was trying not to stare jst now at lunch but i saw how rabbit was so easy with the other gurls and i was thinking to myself, HAW HAW and hes my friend ;) LOLLL i'm so glad he doesnt know my blog

-hmmm, i signed up for a nepal trip w sim ,to put it simply like jam's ocip (overseas cip trip) , without knowing anyone AGNNNN. i've been doing such things (signing up for things on the spur moment without thinking abt stuff like DO I KNOW ANYONE GNG? AM I GNA ASK IF A FRIEND IS INTERESTED FIRST BEFORE SIGNING UP?) since 09' and i nvr learn from my lesson. oh well hope i get it ! :)

allllllright, i shld be studying but i'm gna watch THE ISLAND NAOOOO.

i reaaaaaaaaaaally dont feel like doing it now. but i know i have to. plus, it's 2 more days!! so i MUST persevere. okies. i'm gna bathe, be so ever refreshed and chiong my proj. i will slp by 2am. yep

oh and my phone.......... :(((( the protector screen is horridly screwed up (ugh stupid ghost itchy hands of past :( !!) and blue skin is looking rly dirty x( plus ppl KEEP PULLING BLUE SKIN!!!it hurts me ok! hahahhaa. the only reason i didnt change snow white's cover is because blue skin is SHOCK RESISTANT. oh yea~ so iphone is rather safe even if i (accidentally!!!) drop it.. but i'm starting to detest the look of it. but it's really more of the screen protector. OK THIS WEEKEND I'M GNA BUY A NEW SCREEN PROTECTOR. YAAAAAAAAAAAY. :((((((( more money spent. someone pls give me a job. hahah i'm left with...alright, it really aint much....to survive till i grad...

referencing..

Blessed be Your name(Matt Redman) edited.

Blessed be Your name
In the depths of Macritchie
Where the green leaves improve our sight
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name
When we're condemned to Sarah's Park
Though the lizards haunt and monkeys taunt
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
We'll turn back to praise
Though we groan and moan from tough workouts
Still we will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on us
When we all get the darkest tans
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in,
Lord Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the rain that you send
Blessed be the close companions
Blessed be the coaches that you give
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give us pains and strains
You raise the drink prices
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

-sarah chia.

only at mgxctry hahahha. running was a philosophy, a relationship, a state of being to me,then... now it's just a....hmm what is it....shucks.i dont know =/ i've became so darn stupid haaaaaaaah.

I NEED TO GET SHOES. but i'm so reluctant to spend (MORE) money.... :/

anw thanks loggie for the drawing! =D

"dont talk to me. dont disturb me. i got a lot of hw to do"

: then why are you on the phone?

"BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO...~ !"

then i left the scene. it made me realise that deep down i actually hate conflicts. -of the many conflicts i had before, it was only becos i knew that those ppl cld handle my rubbish/i dont give a heck abt them. but i rarely stage a conflict with ppl...i jst voice my thoughts and frm my 'agitated' tone, ppl assume i wna 'fight' with them.-

i know you're a damn #&)@!(#*!)(*@!)*@)!(&$^ person. and you'd nvr back down. and if i even start a fight, i'd nvr ever do so. but just for the sake of my blog and to dissipate my anger, if i were not afraid of conflicts,

THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW. this is my room and you ask me to shut up. screw

but i'd never ever say that. dont worry. i hope ......! =/ >.<

k done. i came home rlyyy happy cos i spent the whole bus ride just thinking abt this friday -omg,thanks so much shivaniiiiiiiiiiiiiii- .hahaha having british accented banter in my own home. it's a classic case of ,because i cant go overseas, you bring overseas to me! >.<

and because neighbour gave me a ride home and relieved me of the long walk up home. omg his car is frigging cool

ok hmt.

you know we go about our lives everyday talking nonsense with friends ? chatting about just anything that comes to mind just so to pass the time and help us get through the day .

but then once in a while, those sort of 'deep conversations' pop up in your life ((i dont believe in coordinated dc s because they have to happen naturally... -it can stretch from just 15min to maybe ... 6hrs long(yes it happened :o ...?yeah . and it makes you think a lot.and it'll leave you with a really good/bad feeling. good cos -wow i've got some intellect in me ;) - or bad because -sigh, it nvr occurred to me...- or sth.

so anyway the DC happened a few days ago . and it left me w a realllllly bad feeling...-of course i cld have chosen to just take what happened as a passing thing , cos we were more of like bitching etc hhahah. but juice is my good friend and i dont want to leave it aside just like that- so anyway, it was underlying horrible because 1) i actly agree with what we talked abt 2) i dont know what to do abt juice....esp more so bcos juice has given up. i'm not too worried abt myself because i know i've not given up (yet =/ haha) .

really hoping GOd shows me someone that i can turn to for advice... SO ANYWAY. dc left me in a state and i went abt my life with that lingering behind in my mind

one day, i was stoning with a few other people. OKAY i'm too lazy to pen down my thoughts hahahahha but i asked cookie a qn of which my answer to is ,' no. we'd be too cynical by then'. and i had that thought since ....15yrs or sth. (haha cookie is older than tht btw) so ANYWAY i asked cookie

"do you think that say 20 years from now you'd still love GOd just as much? dont think abt the what ifs in future, just at this current moment, what's your stand"

cooki hesitated for a while and ...stuttering, trying to find the right words , eventually said "i think, actly, i will love God more".

that was like a strong gust of wind that came against me and tipped me off my centre of gravity !

i dont have any point i'm trying to make.

ytd was a horrible day .
1) i dont know why my sister spoke so ill-ly of me. and it was a statement that had this seemingly effort of wanting to put me down+impressing others. got that from doodle and sugar before. =/ i really hate that lol. why do you want to 'act cool' in the midst of others? yet you're normal in front of me .......if you want to put me down THEN DONT EVEN TALK TO ME AT ALL. haha
2) i dont wna describe the situation here but .ytd night, if i was rich enough, i'd have taken my siblings with me and left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbEB8u6LkZY&feature=related

a guy's cover of angel

actually...to sing that song well, a bit tough... it starts out really soothing and nice . towards the middle, i think it gets kinda really high? then they start to shout or sth =/ a bit piercing...

why am i almost perpectually tired and procrastinator

i woke up on time tdy, managed to even take the long bus and reach sch 10min early! for 830 class FYIII. ahahha. thank God for xy!!!!!!!!!! godsent as i told her. if she wasnt on the same bus i think i'd have ended up at bukit batok hahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCSe66pWNmc&feature=related
kiss the rain.

7/16. is the number of classes i didnt go for, and the number of classes conducted thus far . =/ and i'm really too tired to do my project.... maybe i'll do it tmr... zzz! hey you, i dont wna text you too much so if you read this hahaha I GIVE UP ON DOING MY PROJECT. i'll just let my grp mates have a bad impression of me...

test next sat, hmt proj submission next fri. THE WANTED NEXT SAT....rly wna bring ryan along cos he can ttly sing to them songs ! but fang said it'll be quite tough to take care of her... :((( so sad. he'd be so sad... but anyway then we are gna ask zavier. hahaha dear cousin..dear beloved cousin who keeps asking me to go clubs and bars .tsk.

trng tdy. yea. haha.

"

" in my 3,4 however many years in uni
AT LEAST OUT OF ONE of those years
i am gna be damn fit and ready for ivp
and
i will invite my ahma to go watch me
i will make damn sure that year i gna step on podium
wait damn long alr"

i know as a christian i shldnt look at what medals and all that shit etc but .not only for her but for me too. and for the people in my past. for all the mistakes i've made in my life. i deserve to have something to fight for

"

haha 27thjan 2010 post......

i'm only awake because all these feelings of betrayal and hurt has come back to me. in a different way. but the same effect nonetheless... i'd ask myself why?and continue to dwell into the sadness of it but i'd just be wasting my time. you dont deserve it. and as another said, "The most important people at Liverpool Football Club are the people who want to be here."


A whole new world
A place where no one tells us, "No" .

"when I lose myself, I think of you"

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably...
And never regret anything that made you smile!

from a chain email haha
1 i hadnt had a chain email in a long while
2 i kinda miss it ? maybe cos it's only one in a while
3 it was rly cute
4 i advocate that msg v strongly ! wheepz

got a lot i wna blog abt but leave it for another time haha cos ive sch in half an hr and i'm still home