hey c, sup??? :(

zzz, i really dno what to say...ABOUT THIS. we really go a long way back. why are you feeling so? shit, am i starting to do that neglecting thing again like i did in jc..... hai..ya..h.. shit, i really hope not but i think it is so. argh. c, i'm damn JDKALDJAER()@#@! sorry. i am just so caught up by the ...routine and boringness of sch that i just switch off and not think abt other aspects of my life, ie religion, friends, feelings, YOU. argh shit. and now all i can talk abt is school and trng and all the boring shit... so boring that sometimes i dont even know how to phrase it lol. aklfjas ccccc damn. i really feel v bad. sryyyy.

anw i read your blog. interesting stuff aye. you really having a lot of ....fun stuff going on hahah :) laughed at so many parts and felt really warmed by quite a few of the experiences that you wrote abt (esp abt your kids) . oh and check this out : derek redmond arms wide open 1992 olympics. on youtube. hey dude, pls .accept my apology...sorry that i am not trying.sorry that i keep using the excuse that ,i'm still learning how to go abt this. sorry that i am such an ass and dont consider your feelings. thanks for accepting me despite all this shit.





anw i watched australian open today. federal vs murray. it was damn emotional match...
"If we see today's champion in Roger Federal, we see tomorrow's champion in Andy Murray." (Y) it really hits straight to my heart to see sportsmen cry

sry if you identify with anything of the past entry, i prob exaggerated some parts where i slammed you..(and it aint solely abt you) fyi i do feel bad when i do lol . (see how much i value you, our friendship. you > my feeligns) ... haiya honestly sometimes i really wonder whether it's worth it

i hope...when i extend my hand next time, you will do so in return and tell me hi, i've been waiting for you, welcome back.

yeah ,right... stop with the hurtful words. if that's all there is, then just leave me alone.

it always has to be like that.damn.

Dear God, are you happy now?
why do you like doing such things to me? why do you let such things happen to me? as if one is not enough, you have to throw 3 at me... you know i'm weak and can't take such things emotionally. you make me value loyalty and integrity then you give me people who think otherwise. i have enough of this. please stop it... i surrender. i give up. you win. please stop it already. pls dont let all these things be a .... learning/preparation lesson for some future event to come. please i beg you. i dont want already.

damn. shld have stuck at being stage 1..

"even though it's emotional, it feels physical"

you know. i am feeling this ... i cant rmb what i wanted to cont lol. i'm actly not feeling the pain now. oh pls pls pls let it be like that. lol actly it's called numbed. but who gives a damn? i rather feel numb than pain.

i feel really stupid. stupid for believing shit. it's like believing you will sacrifice for me. lol.

eh,i tell you ah.lol my heart damn pain when the convo was on going leh. was trying really damn hard to not look sad or let loose or sth lol =/

i feel such extreme zzzzzzzz that even liverpool's win of TWO-0 just makes me go "oh, mm, nice yay. we won. great job :] (that's a half smile) "

lol wah my last //graph(...first part...) really came true sia. haha, shit i prophesicise (sp?) so many things. i btr shut up.

sq: ya you right leh. but the way i see jan.... i think can lah (Y) got potential. she hates acjc. lol. she'll just train and run and study =x

tricia: okayz will tell you

xz: eh, you apologise for ACCIDENTALLY FINDING my blog then you still come again...lol jkjkjk. thanks for coming. i honoured (Y) eh no lah, i not fit leh.. not that fit lah. siao this year top 3..... xiong leh. fyi must rmb talk to laine also.if not later she sad you nvr talk to her hhaha

cj: LOL thanks.. IVP in october. okay lah fine.... this year you go date your family. next time come find me. IF you still single.. eh but seriously ah caijing, give those boys a break lah. give them a chance . they gng to explode alr... (oh fyi. sry in advance nvr go mrr 8am run.. i tell you why next time )

k . pple tell me i can do this. i must. the way it's done with sim. PMA. get over it. - doesn't deserve my wholebeing. not worth it.

i
must
study

gna see ahma tmr..

" in my 3,4 however many years in uni
AT LEAST OUT OF ONE of those years
i am gna be damn fit and ready for ivp
and
i will invite my ahma to go watch me
i will make damn sure that year i gna step on podium
wait damn long alr"

i know as a christian i shldnt look at what medals and all that shit etc but .not only for her but for me too. and for the people in my past. for all the mistakes i've made in my life. i deserve to have something to fight for

some derek redmond britain guy. olympics 1992 400m semi finals
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaIFOJPvsUk


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derek_Redmond


www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2007/jan/07/athletics.features1
(i still reading half way...)

when i see such things, it really makes me want to stand up, brush the dust off my feet and start on a whole new journey all over.

today's trng was 600m * 2.... dno what to say.

WTH I JST SAW THIS RUSSIA GIRLS BLOG WHICH STARTS OF AS 'i keep forgettign i'm 19 so i keep telling people i'm 18years old ' -.- wth. they dno the true meaning of being 19 lorz.

what's left of me nick lachey

i love that song... dear god thank you for janell and her friends who send her songs hahah.
it really reminds me of sec4 (i think i heard that song arnd there). and .... yeah. i had the world at my window .

i also love my parents (hmmm..yah. despite all the thigns ih ate them for) and siblings and ah ma.

ahhh i just listened to dont stopbelieving (BY GLEE) for another few times..
i still have yet to listen to my audrey and ...... gamilee or dno what the guy's name is. broken strings (Y)

I WILL RESTRAIN.

after tmr when jan goes to jc and straightens up, i will join her in mugger land. in her presence or not. LOL actly i told leticia next week. new mth, new start lol. sianz. i suck at studying.
sucks that i cant match up to the world

http://www.cupofspiltmilk.blogspot.com/
21st jan

aww thanks maverick hahah. so honoured that i made your day. i didnt know you think v fun talking to me.you always looked so bored when i did haha . anyway abt your binky (your tagboard spoilt) one lesson to take away is to learn how to treasure the pple ard you lah. at least you learn it like that and not through the death of a person ..

Glee: defying gravity
don't stop believing (Y)(Y)(Y)
gold digger HAHAHA nice nice (fang says it sucks)

rascal flatts
why is a...._____ song.

fridaynight boys' you do you dont lyrics are nice

the chalet was .... hahahha, i felt like a little kid. actually i was ,there lah. since i am 19NINE0 batch lol it felt like a cousins outing (cos the old pple i know in my life are my cousins) w drinking game, BBQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ, having a bunch of ppl not brushing teeth before lunch (??!??! walao damn gross), turning 15cent -----> 1.35 (Y) , hahah whoo. i actually wondered what i was doing there most of the time cos i so extra but it was a good retreat for me . LOL (someone said WALAO YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU HAD EXAMS OR WHAT) mmm, but got to learn a lot of things abt many people lah though i still dno most of their names but wtv :) got to know kesther xiangyuan yuanbing keyan a lot more yay

and ,since they prob wont come here, on friday L and me made friends with her eyecandy!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAH WALAO when he asked me a qn i cldnt help but burst out laughing (i had to excuse myself out of class to 'catch my breath') cos i saw L,from the corner of my eye, looking on with....with i dno what kind of eyes LOL. and i was also reminded of that time we got no space in canteen then she say 'eh walk leh walk a bit more obvious hopefully they(plus eyecandy) will see us then invite us to sit w them' hhahahah omg -.- she is damn funny.

zzz other than that, sch was ..... =/ esp computing. i hate computering.............. damn as hell dno what the hell we are supposed to do. at all.

accounting...it is getting less tough. ok i shld go study hahah

anyway i got ipone. it's white, name's snow white (Y)

i am simified cos i dont find anything that wrong with sim lol other than hating it but .ya k wtv

(omg oliver in hannah montana.... his voice really not bad! omg so impressed)

ryan in the mocking/actly is natural but damn cute so is like mocking voice: "i can show you the world... "

me EXASPERATED : SHUT UP RYAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ryan giggles and say i knew you wld say that so i keep quiet aft that.

sr. stupid ryan XP

Don't you wake me from my dream now
I want you here by my side
And it won't be so when I'm awake
Will it?

(it brings a whole new emotion when 'will it' is in a new sentence)

yay to july 24 2009. my fear of trng is becomign smaller. lol

growing old > dying young

HAHA. last time janell came home from ahma's hse after dinner. then you passed me a apple from ahma. cos she ask you pass to me to eat. then i so touched. then i took it. it was oily. from those oldpeople oilment kind of thing. but i still ate it cos i was thinking if my stomach screw up at least it was cos of ahma not some random cook. then i ate it. with the apple and oil taste. ..... i finished it. after that usually i will call to say thank you but that night i didnt. ha ha

chris daughty has a song feels like tonight and...feels like the first time???hahahha.

ANYWAY FANG.
tues night i came home.. at 2am (so means is wednesday alr ah) then janell also still awake so talktalktlaktlatkaltk. then at 3am we go ma's room to sleep and you were sleepign like a pig hands and legs all over the bed as usual. aiyah anyway jan just said 'i very long nvr talk to fang alr' then i realised that too. lol. then when i read your chickenwingrocks, (eh you copy me ah? rawk rocks... ) why you sound so crazy and irritating and talk so much rubbish in person then online talk until so opposite. (and if you ever say you dotn want get married again i will whack you . I WILL TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU HALFASLEEP UNTIL YOU GET DAAAAAAMN PISSED OFF AND WAKE UP AND CANT GO BACK TO SLEEP HAHA. every night)

aiyah k the end. sim isnt good for me cos too much free time. i need ***/***..... i laughed at janell when i saw her results slip when she was crying and face was red. hahahaha couldnt help it sorry ^^

anyway because of a certain SOMEONE >:x i went to some dark damn appropriate place for reflecting place and though i was talking so much shit .many things were triggered in my mind. like how, we all are going to die. but nainai is most likely to go off first. and if say christianity is really for real, wont she go to hell cos she dismissed jesuschrist so many times alr? damn sad. and that is ON TOP of missing her on earth. i really love her. now, compared to her 10years ago, she is more expressive then like smile more and laugh. (like how i called her to ask her out on wed night for dinner with wayejie and joelkor then she say dont want cos she so old then we so young but 'ahma wo men ai ni mah!!!!!!!!!' "oh.... ai wo ah.... (LAUGH) ok lah.") then it went further.what if i die first before her? wa ,sry sound so haolian but , i think she will be damn sad leh. and i dont want to see her sad and helpless ever. that time during t's and m's funeral, the grandmother cry like shit . i felt so much resentment against the world.

and just to set it straight, i dont want to get married cos of everything i see arnd me. where got pple dont want to marry cos they like individual and all that shit?i believe that man are made to find someone to learn from, ,love and live tgt for the rest of their lives. something just happened in those (cynical) pple's lives for them to come to such a conclusion. and i am one of them. not that there is anythign wrong.

ohwell i passed driving :P ha.

i dont like christian music cos...put in daddy's words 'it all sounds the same'. (he can be listening to a song first time in church and by first verse he can catch on the tune alr hahaha (Y) with here and there...a bit wrong lah. but can be used as harmonizing also -.-) then i heard sweetly broken by jeremy riddle which is also a typical sounding CM but it struck me leh. then go find the lyrics, it was..okay lah. at least i didnt think that it was gross and typical and boring ^^v (learn from gracelokeweiting) the way he build up to chorus is nice!very laidback sounding unlike hillsongs who are ...too passionate until it scares me cos make me so ji dong. hmmm. anyway http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_Z3ZZYLDc . it sounds nicer on my WMP anyway not on youtube.

this is dear god. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HGnvqz4h5c JUST IN CASE YOU THINK it is a holy song it is not. it is a desperate plea of a man (i wld think so since he has to resort to praying to God) nothing is nice EXCEPT THE CHORUS. the tune, the words, the way he sings it.(oh ya annabelly introed it to me ! ;) ) i wish ther was a website which got compliation of all the HISTORY OF SONGS. how it was written, you know what i mean ?!?!? -.-

k anyway. this is dedicated to fang and ...en. hahahah. shit. sounds so 13years old but whatever. i am 19 and PEOPLE say i look old already so ....WTV LOR.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihrmc45uF4c&feature=related
gay shit but ... quite nice leh. if anybody is really gng watch that, pls dont watch them sing. just play it and switch to another window. they sound v nice just by hearing. (the left guy was struggling to hit the high notes but...v relac sounding , or dno how to describe lah, (Y) )
but that video cut off him when he said 'dont be shy' HAHAHA super funny that part. and 'ehhllo'

i think that the other duet stuff the other girls tried...they all sing damn nice but dont pei ehhllo cos he so cool and calm then they all so siong. like overpower him. walao aladdin pwns lah.dont try to do anything ____ to him XP he and blue genie damn power. woots


hbday x_x

school today.... sian as usual lah. late for the 3hr lecture. then 4 hrs break - 1 hr print stuff, 1 hr eat, 1 hr sleep, 1 hr go btp run errand. then late for another 3hr lecture.accounting. sian a lot of qns. i shld read book. i shld check internet abt them but damn tired now. accounting..... sigh sighsighsihgishgishgishgihsgzzzzzzzzxzxzxxxxxxxxxxxzzzz. thn met janell to eat. tuition, i didnt tell her i want to quit :( i was thinking abt it like, today last day alr.. then wahlao damn heart pain. i dont dare to tell alr.

anw 1) lecture starts same time as my hp. no more 15min advance
2) i must sleep by 1230! now 2nd day of sch so still can tahan. i think by end this week gone alr

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi_Ocd9IALc
omg yes yes. i agree with what the composer said abt brad's voice sounding hopeful all. the song only at 1.55
the orchestra is damn...cool...omg. dream come true. wa siao. is like .everybody is....really believing in the song.super nice to watch.why so short -.-

LOL i just rmbed i was supposed to watch hercules on disneychannel with janell last year sian.

when was the last time you freewheeled?

first day of school today was . i was damn mentally unprepared. just chiong cab to sch then when i reach . stun. what next? and THREE HR LECTURE really like v mentally torturing and trying and whatever shit else. what are they trying to do? test our boredom-limit-ness or something ah...

tmr it is 3hr of today x 2. with 4 hour break in between. and yet again, what they trying to do? keep us in school, out of trouble? walao, with so many 4hrs to spare for the next few months,weeks,years etc...50% of us will turn to smokers.

and the day after tmr, is tmr again.

oh and got tuition tmr. but... i found someoen to replace me alr. just damn scared for tmr...to tell the mother... and esp , her. i damn scared i do sth stupid like,stutter or worse cry. i really liek her but . sometimes things not meant to be right....

and. trng. tday 2.4k was 12.23.sian. shld have slowed down the 12.34.

dno what this has installed for me.first day of sch i damn sian alr... dno how i gng to execute my plan to conquer the world..

life sucks, take drugs lah.

i made a pact with nat to be aware of what (all) i am abt to embark in and commit it to ***

signed in msn convo. done. school tmr. new year new start new beginning.

this is it (Y)