it was a damn popular and nice song till the clubber fast gross version of it came out :(
but i was brought to notice of it again by a random stranger's hp ring tone on the bus one day. thanks random stranger :)

am really zonked out by training... and i'm starting to wonder whether it's worth it

i didnt like this song . for. one reason.

i found the guy too goodlooking .FOR THE SONG. i dont think he is very handsome or what. hahah. but this vid is just a cartoon so ok ^^ =p lawl.. this song is so sad... yet it's kinda happy and hopeful... somehow when i hear this song, it reminds me of the night scenery at vivo ~~

just got a super sweet msn thinggy from milly. rly wish i cld copy and paste it here so that i can keep it and read it from time to time!! but i respect milly's privacy lah.. anyway, hey milly, IF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE hahaha =) thanks for taking the effort to tell me that...it 's really sooo sweet of you.make my heart melt lol x)

have a good week aheaddddddd peeps

" You were supposed to be my best friend ..."

jan's sixbillionsecrets website is rather sad... :o

i was fine all week, distracting myself by talking with friends, taking a vested interest in their lives and doing things that i always only dreamed of doing. i was glad thinking that hey, i can do this, i can live without you. but when i saw you, all my efforts faded away and i realise i've been deluding myself all these while. i wish i could tell you but we all know you wouldn't care.
-christel

:/ quarrelled with mama twice in the past two days.. dno why i'm so snappy. it really hurts to think that she's only 23years older than me. and that , i dont wna be like her when i grow up. :( arh.

totally not looking forward to it.. i wish it will past as quickly, or even more so, than other days. hah a.

the really nasty headache just now totally ruined my whole self :( zzgh. Dad, why cant you live among us here in physical form? it's really tiring and difficult sometimes :(

ahwell. new week new start. i'm gna do sth crazy now

You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lie next to your frame
Go unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted by the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent what's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?

Sat on your sofa
Its all broken springs
This isn't the place for
Those violent strings
I try not to smile
And I aim it at you
You must have missed it
You always you do

But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only its too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows interrupted

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows interrupted

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows interrupted

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows

Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?
Won't you try to help me?
Won't you try to help me?

"You know when I realized I loved her? It was when I realized that anything that ever happened, good or bad, I wanted to tell her about. She was the first person I wanted to know, and I couldn’t wait to tell her, and talk to her, and listen to her and it’s like I love learning new things every time I talk to her."

omg cj, i agree with this quote ! hahahaha. that's something i noticed about myself too =p hahaa. i really shld stop myself from looking abt your tumblr..... it makes me want to travel soooo badly. your pics are soooooooo lovely :(

my half mara time is 2:11:46
heh. ok lah. i thoguht it was 2.15 =p

i suddenly heard the liverpool anthem in the background....and was so emotionally touched and filled with so much warmth. but soon after, a load roar erupts and interrupt my song :( cos the ball got lost to manure. sian. lvp ah ......................
oh well. at least it's 3-2 and not 3-0 ha ha ha ha..

got back law results. 16!/20. but i dno whether it's ave, below ave or above.. and i'd really like to know how i'm standing in terms of marks with my cmates.. but i dont dare to ask cos i'm not close to them so i may appear too competitive...zz oh wellz =/ who cares how i'm doing compared to them right . macroecons got 13 =D /15. yayy. ah well

tdy pcg taught me these things :
1) end oct is gna be heck of a crazy period.
-SEM 2 EXAMS
-IVP (omg i ttly hope it doesn't clash with exams !?)
-GNA SEE HIMMMM.... >.< ahhhh i forgot abt this... this is the most impt. hahahaha cos this factor makes the former two impt!
.:. i better wake up my idea and buck up NAAAAAOOOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) you know how they say, just as you like a guy and wna talk to him all the time etc ; more so towards God ? when i think abt him now in my loneliness and emptiness, i actually feel this ...joy in my heart. it's like how i feel when i see the guy i like. BUT, for the former case, i dont feel the butterflies etc etc but more offff the mild excited feeling thing =) feels kinda childlike to me, but i like it. and i'm glad. slow but it's ok, true love takes time to cultivate hahaha.
.:. gta be more intentional !

tmr holiday!!!! dno where to study... prob gna just stay home if nowhere. hope i'll get solid work done tho =/

sian quote of the day, "if doing something makes me happy, why should i stop myself from doing it?" SUCKS LARZ.all i want is to do shit-as in, do what i want haha-, be happy ,ensure i survive and make others happy.

morning run with rud and ja this morning. tiring but nice nice. but yeah , 'competitive side of you' YES i saw that. annoying xP haha i'm gna train and pwn you one day man! talking with them+don aft was so nice :) realised that there are super many pro runners in church !!! eepz. i felt the aura when i walked past the sunday sch teacher one tdy hhahaha.

tzzzzk

hehheh cute song




aah this song!! found all these songs through my tagboard links :) eeep. my laziness to blog these songs have caused me to lose contact with them all nicey stuff :(



ANYWAY dinner-ed with jo vic and nic.... sigh. really enjoy hanging out with them :) PLUS RAE AND CAT TOO.but they two are not ard =/ oh wellz. gna meet them again on monday yay :) i was walking ard like a hungry human cos i was so hungry. we ended up at mos burger yay :) i honestly didnt think the beef rice burger was nice but i was really so hungry i gobbled everything down. while searching for a place to eat, oh btw we were at raffles city shopping centre, we chanced upon this.....place that sold paper arty stuff. OMGGGG the layout of the shop was really cute. even the shops adjacent to paperartystuff shop. was so tempted to go in but hunger pangs cant be ignored. a hungry girl=angry girl. had a strained throat after leaving the girls cos talking to them = speaking louder than the 3 others so that you will be heard. hahaha. we had cedele truffle chocolate cake after mosburger! OMGGGG YUMYUMMMMMM ^^ jst for the record, IT WAS ONE SLICE hahaha. shared by us four. and we did a ritual, sing bday song, did 3 wishes, hold hands in a cirle thing b4 eating it =p

what else. oh yea i called teo to tell her i wldnt be going down to send her off :( and charis for 22min to wish her a happy bday.complete with my own composed personalised bday song ;)

ohyea. and today, i sat down for abt 1.5hrs and composed 1 paragraph (wah first time. i must have been really pressurised) for proj. as the //graph seemed really long, as compared to the others, i thought that maybe i might have done it wrong so i asked nogart to check it. aft reading it, he had an apprehensive look. and i was like "oh no, it's a bit weird right. is it ok? do i need to edit it? am i on course? etc" . he proceeded to give me (Y) sign and said to shammy ,' whoa, that one, *points to the lappy* steady ah' . and shammy was like ," ehhhh omg i wna see i wna see!" in her cutesy voice (she took two of my heart stickers anw!! yay :):) i'm on her hp and lappy now ^^) . i of cos didnt take it in cos i dno if he was being polite. so i asked again , phrased differently of cos hahahah. and he affirmed me in another way . then ok lah i just keep quiet.. and proceeded to reread the whole thing and edit any outright shitty parts that i can identify. but deep down, i was really happy leh :) it's so nice to be affirmed of such things.. i guess i somehow wish that i still got some smarts in me... sighh yep :)

gng queensway tmr!! to SHOP FOR SHOESSSS WHEEEE. runnning shoes. zz hahaha. and shorts. andddd i'll keep a look out for pretty bags and pencil cases and wallets and clothes and nice footwear for....self-image+necessity's sake. hahaha. AND FOOD. yay. gng w amprit. hahaha. so long nvr see him alr. he's like a girl's best friend yet he still has his boy side to advise me on life.really treat him as my bro :) ma brudder frm a different mother hahaha. i still got his january bday card that zy,lana and i wrote in for him lolz. tmr i muz enjoy myself! :) must really get down to hardcore studying alr. <2mths to ivp+exams...

ok PEACE OUT. time for some bbt. wheeps
btw i acknowledge that i sound darn frigging secondary sch in this post but hahahaha =) i'm really happy now... cld be happier, more complete, but i'm cool with this state... :)

"Friends dont let their friends go to hell"

i saw that on a shirt and was really hit by that. but when i quoted that to someone , someone ...sighhh just had very condescending responses to that :( was really hurt. oh well.

just finished 5ppl you meet in heaven! sighhhh. i hope mitch will write another story like this, but of someone else's life. i think it's so cool to read abt how ppl piece things up in their life.

"his part of the secret of heaven: That each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."

omg. gna do 3*3km tmr...alone... BECAUSE OF NICOLE TAN SERHUI, VICKI LIM AND JOLENE LIU JIAXUAN. oh dear :(

tdy i was looking at my ahma and i cldnt help but think to myself, oh God i really love her, thanks.

tdy while on the escalator up, a thought crossed my mind- no matter what, i know that You really are always here for me. i feel that esp more so while walking out of fusion through that 'back door' cos the scenery is really so nice.

chris and i got the same taste in girls. i cant believe i actually said 'i think i know what kind of girls you like. independent yet vulnerable. yelena on my msn nick is a girl in a book i read, and shes just like that kind. like mulan. i like that type of girls'

then ..hmm ok, an afterthought ; that came out wrong.

let's just fall into the sky , no regrets

i need strength. and super sonic speed

all the words i had but none the courage

sometimes people hold on to dreams that may seem so far fetched cos they believe life is more than mere cynism

but sometimes it reallyis :( sianz

talked with a 60+ year old uncle few days back at the busstop. he started crying when he talked abt how he went to a church once but nvr went back after that cos 'i smoke and drink. i dont fit in, how can i go back?' and also how he's so old alr and doesn't know how to pass his days... i didnt dare to ask about his family. but i wanted to hold him so badly and tell him tht there's so much to life. i think the most painful thing was that he reminded me of ahgong

i've always wondered why i dont let myself hurt just cos 'it's one sided'
hmmm

half mara today. conclusion: if you wna suffer half marathon for the accomplishment, just heck it and do a full! no pt suffering 'half way' . just suffer full force! the accomplishment is much greater too

ahma called to ask me if i wanted lunch " i want to cook mee sua dry for you. you so long nvr eat alr" :') i really like how she rmbs what i like (not that thr's much to rmb hahah)

Maverick says:
oh i wasn't asking for your timing
i was asking about what you did
how did you make your experience more memorable?
isn't that the whole point?
to make it memorable?

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
yep
i tried the energy gel bar (it was GROSS.)
eat banana
cos true marathoners eat bananas when they run
HAHA
made a few new friends
like along the way you will have some buddies running with you one
they may go off soon after or vice versa
but for that 1km or so, you meet so you talk
hahaha
look at the scenery
try my best to jog as much as i can
cos even tho i try, my legs still hurt so i gta stop
but doing it with the church ppl the 2nd time (first time i went alone =x that one really a bit more difficult talkign to strangers cos mostly men also) was fun cos like we got talk abt stuff lah
but aft a while you're so darn tired you either 1) cant think of wht t say 2) in desperation (cos it's rly tiring to jst run) talk cock
look ard you also lor
cos there will be many interesting ppl
like i saw ppl in batman suit or sth
this old uncle running barefooted
a bunch of ppl will be right at the back of the crowd cos they will be pulling tyres all the way!!for chartiy
then halfway the run, cos the mara route is such that theres' a u-turn, you will get to see the top kenyan runners. whoa that part of the race is absolutely INSPIRING. cos they ttly ZOOOOOOOM past you
and everybody ard you are cheering for them cos they are so frigging pro and we are struggling on the other side hahaha
wow i make it sound fun =x
i think the memorable part of the race is just completing actually

Maverick says:
yeah you make its sound REALLY interesting!!

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
i rmb seeing AUNTIES AH
i repeat
AUNTIES. with their 3/4 pants and towel ard their neck
OVERTAKING US
like they are trudging man, look so tired, but slowly and surely they just pull away

Maverick says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
old uncles too
its really.... humbling

Maverick says:
hahahaha

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
yep
but seriously
be prepared
to
be bored to death
to want to give up
i rmb my first mara, 37km ah. i completed 37 alr.. left only 5
and i saw the bus stop. i was damn pissed off at myself for not bringing ezlink card
cos i really wanted to take bus back alr
damn tierd
so i think . just take the run as a fun exp
dont stress yourself
go do sth whacky
like . i dno. dance all the way or sth I DNO HAHAHAHA
completing is big enough

Maverick says:
hahahahaha

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
2nd time you wna chiogn then chiong
the last part of the race is fun !
cos like, ppl will line the whole way cheering
then you can act like professional and stick out your hand .then they will all TRY TO TOUCH YOUR HAND
HAHAHAHA

Maverick says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
cool right
after you cross the finish line

Maverick says:
yeah so cooool!

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
you will go join the rest
and be the ones trying to touch the other runners hands too
and you will really see alot of interesting things lah
like you will see damn old pple, or ppl running themselves, or fat ppl etc
and you really wonder what is their motivation to run
it's nice
can see couples hold hand running past the finish line also (awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww)
or how ppl really strive to run to the finish line

Maverick says:
wowwwwww

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says:
see ppl with (mind my lang) bleeding nipples ( their shirt is like SOAKED WITH BLOOD at that area... damn pain >.<)

Maverick says: thats really interesting man AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says: as in those ppl are guys la not girls. hahahaha

Maverick says: HOW COME CAN LIKE THT

yelenasays: abrasion

Maverick says: OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHHHH

yelena says: the guys were telling me you guys can kena nipple, armpit (from the sleeves) groin abrasion all walao damn scary

Maverick says: OH MY GOOODNESSSS

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says: they nvr take precaution la' Maverick says: i never got groin abrasion before BUT THATS CRAZY. thanks for telling me who else is running? like other guys do you know? ask for help HAHAHA

yelena -you make me listen but you're so far away says: HAHAHA dont worry. they will take care of you well i know jl and russell are aw man... you make me wna run it now >.<

hurhur.

0. i'm grateful to my sisters cos they are obliged to talk to me heh and i can talk to them

FIRSTLY, i'll address my goodlooking friends:
teoyihui: hahahaha i like the way you put it ;) 'a song that makes you elope right away' wheeep ;p hahaha. teo, that song was made with you in mind pls! "i know when i compliment her, she wont believe me" and "when she smiles, the whole world stops and stares for a while"

caijing, fay: i'd comment the same thing to you two just as to teoyihui (above). but shes pretty AND TALL. the latter, you two fail ah. but nvm. the song applies to you two too except maybe abt the part where he says that the world stops for you cos you two are too short to notice ;) HAHAHAHA. i'm ttly joking. i'm short too. short ppl ftw! brunos ttm!!! high five.

tricia: hello nus girl. are you gng sunig!!

dan: yeah the song will be so sweet if a guy sang it to us right ^^ hehehee (giggles)

OK SO DOWN TO BIZ.

ytd i wanted to post this: 20 TO 20

which means, 20 days to becoming 20! (zzzzzzzzzzzzz)
but i was v tired after trng so i didnt bother to on the komputa.
i decided to commemorate it by giving myself 20 bullet point spaces to say ANYTHING ABT MY LIFE that i want. like really anything. but they are not impt thigns in my life lah. just wtv that comes to mind. so pls dont think that i like you just because i talk abt you here. i think this will be a rather controversial blogpost sooo if any explanation needs to be done, pls ask me and i will clarify. my values and beliefs are still intact- just that words are very subjective, what i say may be interpretated in many different ways. but ultimately, i'm gna die so till then, i wna do this crazy thing. so here goes !

1. when i say a guy is cute, i really mean that he is cute. cute as in , want to squeeze his face and play with it like play dough cute(hahahaa). cute as in , small boy cute. and i think tyler ward is cute(walao that sounds frigging bimbotic :( ). recently tyler ward did a cover with some drummer. AND I THINK HE IS GOODLOOKING. it wasn't an instant thing. it was only aft i noticed how well he played, and then i went to his youtube page and saw him with his specs(http://www.youtube.com/user/deedlebag) that i think hes gdlooking.


that guy there. south african (Y) and i rly admire the stuff he said in the description box of one of the christian songs he played to-about not wanting to impose his views on others etc.

2. ytd night, i talked to russell on the phone for close to 1 hr. about armyhalfmara&abit abt sch etc. this year, or for the past 3years actually, i rmb talking to only 3 pple for more than 30min (thats a random number HAHA). the guy i like (hurhur) , russell and my extremely good/close friend . i feel uncomfortable talking with ppl on the phone cos i fear silence with ppl i'm not close to+tiring to hold phone+i think it's kinda claustrophobic.. the thought that my telephone friend and i are communicating through such thin wires is kinda oppressive and scary ..i rather talk to you in person can? ;)

3. i always dreamed about performing in front of a crowd. i imagined myself having the talent for singing, for playing instruments, for charming and inspiring a crowd .and it always put me in a damn good yet bad feeling. good cos it's like-i'm finally living my dream. bad cos i know it will nvr happen

4. i really hate people that are unfaithful. in this case, to their girl/boyfs, husband wife etc..( but i guess in relation to other stuff to such as things they commited themselves to etc. ) and for that reason, i've distant myself from a few ppl in my life

5. i lost a very good friend this year cos of my lifestyle (heck care etc) .i smsed her recently but she didnt reply me..and i'm still rather upset abt it.. my parents were quite surprised when i told them abt us falling out. the thing is, if my parents can even hv such a rxn, it shows the bigness of it.cos even they know i dont have many gdfrenz. i'm sure she knows that too .the worst thing is that i dno what to do to make it up to her ,because i cant even promise myself tt i'll change for her.. arghh

6. i've a guy friend i knew since sec3. even though we aren't close at all now, he has a great impact on my life. HAHA-and he doesnt know it. DUH. cos i wont tell him: 1) i had a slight crush on him in sec4 2) he caused me to fall out with a friend.

7. there are many instances , i'm sure, that i associate with God's goodness and as His way of 'speaking to me' . (omg my eng is so bad harhar) but the most striking cases are when my buses come straight after i reach the busstop; as in i dont need to wait for my bus lah. super grateful whenever it happens. hahahha. maybe also cos i'm always late and rushing.

8. thanks to yl and jes for making me think so hard in sec4 :what i like abt guys . cos the only thing prody that came out of it and that i still rmb till now is that i like guys who are passionate about what they do.

9. contrary to others(shy when they first meet pple ;then slowly warm up to others and open up), i think that i'm very friendly with people when i first meet them. but after a while, i grow quieter and keep to myself.

10. i've considered one million times to kill myself ,or at least to paralyse myself badly, so thatppl ard me will notice me,esp my parents, and they wont care so much abt their probs

11. after crying when i think abt how much hurt and distraught i'd cause my family and ahma and friends(10.) , my next immediate thought is (in regards to paralysing myself) : damn. i wont be able to run.

12. when i was young, i fantasised about marrying a man who can play the guitar and will play for us after dinner. hahaha

(I'M ACTLY VERY SICK OF THIS ALR. SINCE 5. I GOT HEADACHE FROM STARING AT THE COMP FOR SO LONG AND THINKING SO MUCH ZZ LAWL)

13. i think i have a talent for listening to others (rant), but it's highly under utilised

14. i admire rachelng's graceloke's u. elvin's(^^ .. wa pls, i really hope nobody related sees this, it's really nth i promise. it's just for comic relief. i wrote his name out of the rest cos i like the name elvin!!) family. lasttime, i asked G why cant i have a family like the foremost.

15. i LOVEEEE shopping for station-e/a-ry

16. i cry silently everytime i need to dress up for a formal event. because i dno how to dress up, do my hair or even put basic make up on. haha but mostly cos my friends have their mothers to discuss tgt what to wear, to help them put their make up on, to do their hair and to talk&gush abt the event tgt.

17. gna run half marathon on sunday! first time soooo.... i dno whether to make my debut a shitty fun one or a whack,do my best, one. heh.

18. ah-ha! got it. i'm an extreme person. either i will go all out for something, or give up. but i've been living my life by "going with the flow" which i dont like. that's why maybe i'm so sian now lolz

19. i thought abt working in a prison early this year cos i wna change lives. cos in prison, expectations are not as high on you. cos , these ppl need a lot of love. i dont have a slightest clue of where i wna go after i grad so for me, the future really is black-i dno if it'll be good or bad. but i jst hope i wont meet anymore bastards ahead :P hahah

20. you've been at the back of my head throughout this but i dno how to say what i dno to say. HAHA its so confusing oops

ok done. YAY. now gta chiong bathe and change for susu's army dinner at VIVO MARCHE. zz hoep i wont be late . he said 'you promise me you will be early ah!' hahaha. anyway FANTASTIC VOICE DOWN THERE:



19days of teenage dreams . i dont even know the lyrics of this song.but i like the way he does it

omg just watched step up !!!!! xzxzxzzzzzz. totally worthed ponning trng for LOL. i rmb saying the same for ponning class FOR INCEPTION. but anyway back to step up. AHHHHH. i was filled w so much adrenaline during the show... i rmb nat and i and all of us actly squealing soooooo many times and soooo many parts. like . whoa. just go mad..... AND THE GIRL IS SO DARN FRIGGGGING PRETTY. her eyes. sick. she really reminds me of the stepup2 girl tho. and moose !! n the small little kids , esp the SUPER DAMN PRETTY LITTLE GIRL....true born to dance - r lah. i must ttly search for her name next time i got time and follow her . i think give her 5-10 years she confirm super popular (Y) you can do it girl ! =D hehehee. omggggggggg gng mad. the cheeseyness of the movie can be made up for the dances. ttm.

//talked w sissi agn... and what she said rly made sense. wonder if she ll blog abt it tho =/ lol. i think i'm too influenced by westerners and movies and storybooks and happy ever after's :( sighh..



HOOKED TO THIS SONG ! the lyrics are sooooo darn cute ! hahahahhaa. walao. when i listened to it and looked at e lyrics tdy, i was thinking , just imagining for a while ..what if i was the 'girl' he sang abt, and someone wrote such a song for me. @_@ (dizzyness) quit sch, go elope straight away lah. HAHAHA jk i'm ttly jk. if he is some disgusting guy i'll really faint. lolz.

//ponned trng ytd and tdy.. tmr i'll force myself to stay in sch and study FOR MY TEST WHICH IS ON SAT. and mon. which i've barely started... 241pgs for mkting.thanks haha. and was 2hrs late for law tdy. ha. it has been....3 days. and i've been wondering to myself too much that i notice : does she really have tht big an impact on my life? do i really depend on her that much? somehow i feel that , cos of her absence, i'm kinda...breaking down. maybe i was acting too heckcare and shitass that i didnt realise that i probably depend on her more than she does to me :/ and that feeling sucks..

// you're such an ass for ignoring me and . and . and etc etc etc... xp sighhh but i still couldnt help myself wishing that i cld - you :( life can really be as rash and simple .but God wants you to live on the edge, he wants things on the earth, people around you, to disappoint you. so you will be reminded that you shldnt build your life here but think towards the long term. towards heaven. :( i just want someone to think abt TLT tgt ..? lol but i know what i want is wrong. cos it hurts me. :(

//haha sian.

oh well. step up was still really good :) for the temporary escapism