Is 'Stress' very evidently written all over my face?

You mean, even if i brisk walk pass you along the corriders, you are overwhelmed by the saturated aura of 'Stress'?

oh my. i think i better self-ostracize myself!

today's
trg
sucked.

sucked real bad. even worse that LG's super good vacuum cleaner. baaah. you (more like i) realised i didnt post anything abt the 4th mth since natls on 13/8. that's cos I FINALLY GOT OVER MY LOUSY PERFORMANCE.(it's not the third runners up i'm sad abt. cos i'm happy we hit our target! but my performance..like lausai like that.)well, that's what i thought.

since teo and i had to do cip at mt alvernia(it's such a friendly place :)), we had to run alone and watch the rest of the team happily run back. and since she was listening to her (stupid) mp3 or whatever you call that thing, i could only talk to myself. and coincidentally, my stupid brain has to think abt nationals. prob cos i had menstrual cramps(I NVR DID HAVE THAT BEFORE OK) which has the same pain i had during natls05. it worsen my pace even more. arrghh :(

this burden weighing me down is like a gold bar with its chains entangled to my ankles.(i think abt natls, i cant concentrate on what i'm doing. if it's studying or running or even playing) i did relatively well(who am i to kid with. it was shit.) and shld be proud of my timing. there were others whose timing went way off but at least i didnt deprove in terms of my position. yet i persist on looking at the negative side of it; i could have done so much better. i keep telling myself to let go. there's always a next yr and we're gonna make it. but tiffany chooses to hold on to that burden which affects her training a lot(yeah i think a lot while runs) even when she chooses to release and relax a little, its chains will still cling on.

i think i need psychological help.

firstly, happy birthday annabelle. the person who thought i had a bad memory. talk abt yourself. xP

I was just a mere girl then
My first terrifying task of leading stretching
Gave me everything now i have at hand
At that moment life ahead seemed very promising

It was commemorated first with our trademark floorball
Running and playing, giving it our all
Everybody was so concentrated on the game
But i was distracted by my new name

No one told me the journey would be easy
Nor did anyone tell me it would be tough
However once i was bestowed upon full captaincy
My workload doubled, tripled... never once halved

I never knew leading took upon such a huge responsibility
Even more so, looking at the others before me
It all used to be giggles and child play
Now, "Mary, stop talking so loudly ok"

From the forkless and plateless birthday party
To sleep-less, proposals-more Sports Carnival related nights
From morning meetings which pissed everybody off
To our successful National Day stall

From collaboration of shirt design with anonymous people
To collaboration with the canteen auntie for bananas
From our fun run at Bedok reservoir
To our unprepared sec4farewell...

I tell you, these events never cease to end
Neither would my passion for mgx
For me, God has installed a plan
To lead this team to greater heights

ok i know i've not been blogging for long(i think). fingers a bit itchy. anyhow, to a nonsensical person, i dedicate this nonsensical thingy to her(it's not fit enough to be called a poem). happy 1yr anniversary to your captainhood tiffany. plus 50 min. few more mths to endure! (YAY) :) hahaha nah. this team is great to lead

i had the best trg ever yet since natls05! oh maaaan. i shall elaborate another day but suddenly chi high pple dont seem too bad to me anymore :) yay. throughout my running life span of 3yrs, he (an anon chinese high runner) is the third external person to help me during the workout. aaah. i actually broke the 19min barrier! and i never ever thought i could do that ._. seriously. ok besides the fact i slacked to sicc with a 21.37. aah. and it's not even the peakingperiod yet. oh maaan i'm still floating on overflowing joy :D go figure that. i guess the next time that wonderful sensation can fill me once more is to get that hwachongi guy to come from the back again, breathe down my neck 'impersonating sheryl/danielle/mr quek' and push me. thank you Lord for nice chinese high guys.

ok i sound weird. that sounded totally wrong.

but no other guy has ever ran around my speed.(maybe he was slacking ._. heck.) they just speed up upon seeing me. grrr competitive sexist pigs.

i borrowed michelle's Purpose Driven Life book since perth trip and i've yet to return it back to her since. i've only read 6 chpts out of the 40chpts =x i hope she doesn't come here. anyhow, the last time i touched that book was, hmm, one month ago. and suddenly out of the blue, i, absentmindedly, took the book from my shelf and instinctively read it. wanna share with whoever out there a really amazing philosophy that's pretty duh yet why didnt i think of it.

"The fact that earth is not our ultimate home explains why, as followers of Jesus, we experience difficulty, sorrow and rejection in this world. It also explains why some of God's promises seem unfulfilled, some prayers unanswered, and some circumstances unfair.

This is not the end of the story.

In order to keep us from becoming too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a sig. amt. of discontent and dissatisfaction in life--longings that will never be fulfilled on (?) this side of eternity.

Earth is not our final home; we were created for something much better."

Found it really appropriate for a student like me, or for anybody for that matter. It fits perfectly into the hole full of doubts on why i am going through all a typical studentcrossie goes through. I've always wondered why when i'm under intensed pressure and stress, God isn't here to bring me out of it. Isn't He supposed to keep me from all harm (yes stress is harmful =P)?

This scenerio of a stressful life is probably rolling at every MG girl's life. To comfort ourselves, from a christian perspective, we say that "When God brings us to it, He'll bring us through it." Yes, He's preparing us for our real home like that and also, He doesn't want us to get too attached to earth, a "temporary residence", since we're here "for just a little while" only.

"ife is like a mist, a fast runner, a breath, a wisp of smoke."

Resource: Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Chapter six: Life is a temporary assignment

i'm dreading chem tuition tmr. i've not done my sincejuneholsdued assignment and i think i'm the only one left! even the guys has handed it up. (omitting the fact that there're very few of them and they ALL are super guai)

training tmr at mrc. hmmm =/

happy 40th national birthday! :)

(in corresponse to the enthusiastic liz. you're the 1s girl right?)

mum was driving aimlessly. 'medical history' was revived back.
it'll be great to meet Him earlier
it'll be wonderful then i wouldn't have to study or (train) or stress anymore
life will just be marvelous praising him day and day

but the thought of it makes my heart ache.
i mean i nvr know when i'll leave
it kept attacking me and there's nothing wrong in my body the doc can find fault with
this might happen one day and my eyes will nvr see e earthly wonders anymore
........... SEE. i'm not making any sense

i think God is trying to tell me to appreciate my life more
and make PROPER use of it . yes

just an easy childish meaningful song to be brought forth

Jesus loves me, this i know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones who Him he loves(i nvr figured what that last word was)
They are weak but He is strong

so little were we when we learnt this song about God's assured love. and now 10 yrs down the road, you start doubting him. i see the 'brainwashing' back then wasn't really good eh?

(i'm feeling dead, literately)

i dont like that false front i put in front of -
boo ._.

it always happens to me. i finally get the opportunity to talk to my close friend after so long. all i want to do is just talk and talk and catch up. but i get lost in my pool of my thoughts and have nothing to say.

i hate that feeling.

i dont think i deserve the role as a prefect. or prefect trainee as you'd call it. i'm not doing anything right as one besides dutifully going down for assembly on time and patrolling the general office area guai-ly. but that's with a bunch of other people.

i'm so going to fail emath. ARGH my a1. damn it. i was so confident before the test to get at least 77.5%. from then i understood how impt a 5 min can be. just give me 5 min. and i'd be able to secure my a1. gee. it's super sad. #@*(#&@ ARRGH. screw the table (=/)

trg on monday was good. just that my timings were way off(1 min slower than usual? lol) my aim that day was just to finish the workout without walking. coach was running with me quite a fair bit and discussed abt the team. and truthfully, with his presence, i could run much better. just like how i'd be motivated to run faster with mr ng around. or with any other teammate beside me actually. (just realised i've not ran with anybody at mr for quite some time) when mr q left me to run on my own, i drastically slowed down. i was thinking, if i get inspired merely by my coach's presence, what more God's? he's by my side everytime including now. so i visualised an imaginery person beside me and began talking to God mentally. (it's so much easier actually) it was difficult at first but when i was getting the hang of it and started opening up, mr quek came back. and opening up was so much easier. my aim for the next run will be talking to God throughout the route. wheee

thinking abt yesterday night brings back happy memories. i was at the beginning of my revision for today's emath test and i dont know what got to me; i brought the scissors i already was playing with to the toilet and started snipping my hair all over. so now my hair is super messy and layered. ahahha. it's quite funny. i shall take it that it was an act of impulsion due to stress. i must admit i like my new hair though. lol ok it still looks the same but knowing that you 'cut' your own hairstyle out(i didnt do much to it),brings a sense of accomplishment. my head will swell if someone compliments my hair. haha!

all the best for elective tmr! i shall aim to fail. if i fail, yay i hit my target. if i dont hit my aim, YAY i passed!

rachel wang asked me to update.

today's speaker was good. he spoke from the heart and clearly the words he spoke were of God's.

Prayer is
Seeing what God sees
Hearing what God says
Doing what God would do
And --- (i forgot)

God is a friend of yours, but will you be a friend of His?
being a friend of God is not only asking him for this and that but hearing what he has to say to us.
being a friend is having a two way relationship. yes, you talk to him. but you have to let him talk too.
being a friend means confiding in each other. God wants to confide in us and that is prayer.
being a friend requires trust from both sides.

that was just a small part of what i've learnt. and comparing what i retained in my mind to the other things he said, they're, yea, just a small part. i guess my brain isn't some powerful tool that can rmb everything.

thank you (God) for bringing this man to our church. i pray that he'll be able to come back soon to preach your word to us again.

Aiming to lead a purposeful week for the Lord
(one week down the lane, i'd be here again recounting the past week. i hope i dont disappoint myself, esp the Lord-my best friend)

[oh yeah. i wanna add one more reason to the long list for my screwing up of natls 05. it was a difficult transition from cdiv to bdiv. the people were more competitive and i was with charissa at the beginning. it was qutie difficult. cos i was focusing more on her rather than the race in front of me. and i TALKED to her at abt the 400m mark.)

Phillipians 3:13
"Forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what is ahead."

i'm gonna leave my ugly past and start fresh anew for this new exciting coming week that God has installed for me. care to embark this wonderful journey with me?