'behind the back of mine, is a smiling face thinking of the times spent with you before that'

13th jan. Hahaha..... Whoa can melt already :x

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/07/god-is-not-a-christian-tutu-dalai-lama_n_2421553.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

what a read... am astounded. i don't know what to think. interesting though. some of the stuff that desmond said provided a very down to earth and excellent perspective of God.

'because loving yourself is the hardest kind of love'

i hate feeling stupid,

knowing that i'm capable of better

being together
would mean we'll be comfortable with each other
being ourselves infront of ourselves
as if we're just naked together or something (not literally)
like theres nothing to hide
and i don't think you should feel that you need a lot of effort to talk to me
and maybe when honeymoon period is the most ... pda or lovey dovey period
i do agree that definitely is enjoyable
but i really too like the 老夫老妻phase (sorry i feel really old now)

tdy i went out with pal and mameha, and it emphasized how little i know of pal. it actly made me retreat back to my comfort zone... i did that since primary school, retreating from a potential good friend because i see her being chummy with another. i just don't like the idea of 'stealing' someone from another because i wouldn't want that happening to me. i guess a smaller part of me also wished to see PGF fighting for me.. 

anyway, i've been wasting far too many days... not that i regret them because it was stress free, but ,i don't remember much of them either. i'm not doing justice to days that should have significance !

okay, timely playing of 'Dying Young' by Kenny G (its a wonderful lullaby).

//so, should i be thankful to have met you?

am reading something that i know i shouldn't... yet i cant bear to tear myself away from this. (will you treat me the same way? or more, even?) it's interesting that i have had been on similar roller coaster rides too... how then are you able to be like this now? aren't you scared we will hurt each other..

#so know that i should not be talking like this here but..........let me stay in my idealistic world where only i am reading this, and whoever else that do are people that are on different continents and cannot be reached~ haha

'If everything were in place to believe, what then is the value of faith?'

there comes a point in life when you must be firm and say ,okay we are over. lets move on.

....so difficult to throw away my old stuff yet annoying me with the amt of space it takes, rust it has developed and smell it has taken on =/ zzzzzzzzz

arranging my room till 6am yet looking messier than ever

' i think this is what being in a rship is like.... 'imposing things' on the other.. sharing the burden, being accountable to each other..showing vulnerability and finding comfort in each other..'

wudeng always insists on sending me back. and only leaves after ive walked a safe distance into my place. however today, i said my goodbyes with words left unsaid. and was feeling really really uneasy. so i decided to turn back and run after him to share that one mere sentence that will sooth the unsettle ness in me.

but as i stood at the road and saw his back, my heart was overwhelmed.  i know not how to explain the emotions stirring in me. but i want to do so some day. tonight, instead of running after him, i decided to stay grounded and watch him gradually becoming smaller and then disappearing down the bend. it was an image i wanted to capture because it looked so painfully beautiful. i shall term the picture 'lonely days are no more' . it was the uncertainty of a young man, yet the hopes of a brighter life ahead. of independence and aspirations, and simple desire to love and to be loved. so as i stood my ground and watched him walk away, sth in my heart stirred