You rly are oblivious arent you.. You dont get it huh, srsly? What youre asking of me is like asking me to help you find love when what i yearn for , is your affection.. Cant you see it? Is it not obvious enough? Its bad enough tt youre doing this in front of my sorry eyes, and it takes so much of me to just..ignore it and accept it.. Thats what love is rgt, choosing the best for the person to be happy.. It pains my heart each time to see you and i cant take it anymore. I try to push my emotions away and pretend like it doesnt bother me but damn you, it hurts :/ so, that im not responding, pls take the hint tt i dont want t have anyth to do w tht aspect of you. Pls dont tarnish the beautiful memories i had with you. I may be the one in oblivion this way, but i rather be in this state than hurt frm knowing whats really gng on....

Youve no idea how much i desire your love and affection.. Your time and attention.. I miss you so much tngt :( sigh
But youll nvr know it because .just bcos, you are too caught up w your stupid new life and dont bother looking at those who rly care and love you. Even if you come back to me, i admit id be v hostile.. But if you know me as you shld, im jst putting on a front first to ensure tt you are sincere. Do you know tt abt me? :( do you even know tt every tngt i think abt you and what we all cld have been..i dream, ifantasise, i compare..its wrong i know. But i cant help it. Its what helps me slp

"pls dont tell me im dreaming, if i actly am. Because then i wont ever wna wake up"

Ohyea had lunch w a bunch of ppl and kenneth and dawn started talking abt heaven etc. Sth like "if theres no tauhuay in heaven i mgt reconsider gng heaven.." JOKING OF COS HAHA IVE SCOLDED THEM ABT IT ALR :p abraham responded "dont worry , in heaven , thr wont be any negative emotions". And it made my mind think at overdrive ha ha. Im trying t detach myself frm e issue yet trying t note down wht i actly thot.. Hmm, Sth like, the concept of being "happy forever" came to mind.. But "we cannot bring e concept of earth to heaven bcos both r v different".. The concept of ,being alive forever..the idea of, its frigging forever ,what am i ever gna do forever? And so , now whatever im doing amts to nth.....? :/ @;&;!&:&: ok Stop. This is getting too much haha. Anw over lunch, i cldnt control my thoughts cos it was too fast for me to realise and when i got out of that 'trance', my heart was beating v quickly, breathing v haste and i qn-ed my current state of being. I rly wanted to share my fears , jst so tt i can be assured tt i wasnt suffering frm such things alone but everyone was chatting abt stuff so happily.. So i slapped my face a few times to get myself out of tt state. It was rlyyyy scary x(

i hate being so scared of eternity. And up till my 20+yrs of life, i only know of ONE BLOGGER (i didnt even know her name haha was blog hopping) and one friend whom have shared such fears w the same description. No words can describe e comfort i felt in my heart when i read/listened to my fears frm another's blog/mouth. Haha :/ i think i sound so weird..but ill take comfort in tt, at least two ppl in e world will know what im talking abt lolll.

First paper tmr..